


Missing Puzzle Piece (part 2)

by Likelovelikesuicide



Category: Glee, klaine - Fandom
Genre: M/M, missing puzzle piece, part 2 of 3
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-15
Updated: 2016-11-29
Packaged: 2018-05-26 05:44:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 55,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6226279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Likelovelikesuicide/pseuds/Likelovelikesuicide
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>CANON FOLLOW KLAINE - This fic contains missing scenes centering around the relationship of Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson from GLEE - This is Part 2 of a 3 part series and this section contains missing scenes from seasons 3 and 4</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Love (Is All You Need) 3.06

It was warm for a saturday afternoon in November when Kurt let himself into Blaine’s parents house and shed his overcoat at the door. Listening hard and quickly scanning the foyer to confirm the place was empty, he bite his lip and headed upstairs as a giddiness crept up his chest. It had been a few weeks since he and Blaine had taken the final step in their relationship and a whole new world had been opened to them. A world of pleasure, of giving and receiving. A world of affection beyond which Kurt had ever dreamed and it seemed that every moment he didn't spend engrossed in Blaine was a moment wasted.

As Kurt made his way up to his boyfriend’s room his brain focused on the thing he’d been thinking of all day, because on this day exactly one year ago, he had met Blaine.

Really it had been a totally average day, everyone he knew sucked and he just wanted a change, to see and experience something different. Something else. Normally Kurt wouldn’t follow Puck’s advice, but he really wanted to go to Dalton. To see it. A private school, full of boys, in Ohio… Ok, so maybe his intentions weren’t entirely honorable, or in any way about show choir. But who cared, certainly not him.

Of course it had turned out to be the least average day of Kurt’s entire life up to that point, really that day had changed everything. Sure it took Blaine almost six months to get there, but in a way Kurt loved him more for that. They hadn’t rushed into it, they fell in love slowly and then, completely and now they could reap the rewards of that love. They could share a night together, or at least a few hours.

As Kurt turned the last corner toward Blaine’s bedroom he slowed, listening to the soft musical notes wafting towards him. The sound wasn’t loud and Blaine’s carefree voice sang distinctly over the recording, making Kurt’s heart skip in his chest. When he reached the doorway and turned, his whole body froze at the sight before him.

Blaine was lying on his left side, stretched casually across his bed, facing away from Kurt and wearing nothing but a white tank top and a pair of Star Wars boxer. He was focused on the phone in his hands and his head was bopping along to the music that blared out of it’s tiny speaker. Kurt had a moment to wonder what Blaine was smiling at when he shifted his body and showed Kurt a picture of the two of them taken yesterday. They had been in the autordium, talking to Mike when Brittany had darted past them, holding her phone before her. He chuckled under his breath, he hadn’t even known she’s taken a picture, but she had sent it to him too and he had already ordered a print because the moment Brittany had captured was lovely.

In the photo, Kurt was laughing and normally he thought he looked rather odd in laughter, but this time he looked just right. The lines of his face caught the light and Blaine was looking over at him with magic in his eyes, the sparkle undeniable. For a moment, Kurt swooned, dumbstruck with how in love he was.

Careful not to make any noise, Kurt lowered his bag to the floor and kicked off his shoes. It was a trick to crawl up the bed in just the right way so Blaine didn’t notice until Kurt was flush against him, his head between Blaine and his phone. But he was impressed with himself when he’d accomplished it and the second Blaine realized what was happening he was kissing Kurt earnestly, everything else forgotten.

“Hey,” Blaine sighed, holding Kurt tight against him even as the kiss broke. He was languid and serene, seemingly oblivious to his lack of normal clothes.

It took Kurt a moment of just staring at Blaine before he responded, blushing fiercely. “You are so hot.”

Blaine smiled as he took a quick inventory of himself, messy hair, raty old shirt, boxers, and then he scoffed. Well, he thought, at least he didn’t have to bother wiggling out of his pants later. “It was warm in here and I…” He glanced toward the open window and Kurt took the opportunity to plant a sweet kiss behind his ear.

“Please don’t apologize,” Kurt cooed, sliding a hand from Blaine’s back down till he felt the skin of Blaine’s bare leg. “It’ll ruin the fantasy aspect of the moment.”

“Oh,” A shiver ran down Blaine’s spine at the touch and breathlessly, he arched closer to Kurt.“Do tell?”

Kurt’s hand slide further down until he could hook Blaine’s knee and pull him closer, tangling them both together before sinking into a deep kiss. He was pleased to find that when they broke apart again Blaine was straddling him, holding his face inches away from Kurt’s.

“Do you know what today is?” he asked, his voice trembling with excitement, lust, hope and anticipation.

Blaine took a long breath, his body relaxing further into Kurt’s. “Of course I do,” he said with a beaming smile before peppering Kurt’s cheek with kisses. “It’s the day we met. Exactly one year since you popped into my life and...”

“Teenage Dream,” Kurt whispered, his soft voice close to Blaine’s ears as he added, his tone more heated with each press of Blaine’s lips. “I’ve been thinking about it all day."

“Me too,” Blaine admitted as he reached the dip of Kurt’s neck and suddenly pulled him in for a tight hug. It was a moment, or maybe a lifetime before they released each other and Blaine started singing under his breath, a hand moving to Kurt’s thigh. “Let you put your hands on me in my skin tight jeans.”

“Be your teenage dream tonight,” Kurt giggled affectionately, pulling Blaine’s mouth back to his own. It was a bit before Blaine could ask the question again, though he was eager for details.

  
“So, fantasy aspect?” He prompted, sitting up and gifting Kurt with a loving smile.

“I went home that night, a year ago tonight and dreamed of falling in love with you,” Kurt said without pause, any hesitation in his voice was lost in his radiant smile as he took Blaine’s hand. “I must have come up with a dozen different scenarios…”

“Which one was your favorite?” Blaine asked curiously, the pink tone of his cheeks deepening.

“This one," Kurt said tenderly, lifting their linked hands over his head so Blaine had to lay across him again. "The real one,” he whispered and proceeded to kiss his boyfriend with everything he had.


	2. Unbreakable (306/307)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is pure fluff and contains missing scenes centered around Sebastian's presence in Kurt and Blaine's relationship following their meeting in 305... I imagine this series takes place around 306/307

** Unbreakable (s3. 06) **

"It's because he's interested in you," Kurt said with a sigh, his eyes betraying just how much he didn't like what he said.

"That's irrelevant." Blaine retorted, not lifting his head from where he rested on Kurt's shoulder, Kurt's arm wrapped around him. They were sitting in Kurt's living room, half watching the TV as his father worked through more plans for his campaign.

"How so?" Kurt asked, lifting his head slightly to look down at Blaine.

"Well, see I already have the best boyfriend in the world and I don't ever want to be with anyone else." Blaine said quietly, looking deeply into Kurt's eyes. "So, Sebastian can be interested all he wants, doesn't change the fact that I am exactly where I want to be."

"I see…" Kurt smirked, his eyes slightly wet as he leaned back again to watch his father. After a long moment he whispered, his voice inches from Blaine's ear. "I happen to know that this very _very_ lucky boyfriend of yours has everything that he wants too."

Blaine sat up to find Kurt's eyes and together they shared a private, intimate smile, a warmth settling between them as Burt piped up from the coffee table. "Alright, what do you guys think?"

* * *

Three days later while standing in line at the Lima Bean, Blaine takes in the room as Kurt replies to a text from Mercedes. His eyes rest for a moment on the sunlight beaming through the windows and catching just a sliver of Kurt's hair, making it dance with color, when he notices Sebastian gaping at him from the far end of the shop. It couldn't be more clear to Blaine that he's about to swoop down on them like a horny giraffe.

"Kurt," Blaine says and his boyfriend's endless blue eyes snap up to meet his own, swimming with curiosity and that undeniable passion that always touched Kurt's eyes whenever Blaine said his name. "Could you give me a hand with something?"

Blaine watched as Kurt smile arches up to match his perfectly raised eyebrow and when he speaks, his voice is so low and sultry that Blaine has to swallow against his adam's apple.

"Anything," Kurt breathes, his eyes locked on Blaine's.

Having completely forgotten about all the people, all the eyes around them, including Sebastian's, Blaine reaches quickly to the back of Kurt's neck, pulling his shocked smile to his own lips. He knew he was being too eager, they were in public, waiting in line with people all around them. But Blaine could only smile as he tasted Kurt's tongue in his mouth, savoring the exquisite presence of his boyfriend, relishing in the sensation of Kurt kissing him back.

After a moment, Blaine pulled away from Kurt's lips and reached up slightly to whisper in Kurt's ear, feeling the goofy smile plastered to his face. "I think we should get our coffees to go today."

Blaine felt Kurt's smile widen as he leaned his face into the crook of Blaine's neck, his soft breath brushing against Blaine's skin. "I agree."

The cashier kindly cleared her throat and Blaine turned to her, knowing the dopey smile was still stretched across his face, but happy to find a similar smile returned to him as he ordered their coffees.

Behind him, Kurt faltered slightly, feeling nothing at all but Blaine lingering on his lips. He took a deep, steadying breath and then another before he fished his phone back out of his jacket pocket, thankful to have managed to drop it there rather than on the floor of the coffee shop, which had happened more than once when Blaine kissed him like that. He couldn't seem to hold onto anything at all when Blaine's lips were on him.

As a great wave of thankfulness swept over him, Kurt finished the text to Mercedes, chuckling to himself before scanning the crowd around them with the undeniable feeling of a different pair of eyes staring daggers at him from somewhere close by. He found them at a table near the front door, where Sebastian looked like he'd been about to stand, but something had caught him off guard, halting his movements in an awkward position. Kurt could feel Sebastian's eyes like questions penetrating him but not finding any answers, or perhaps just not the ones he wanted. Kurt caught Sebastian's stare for a moment, watching the ugly face flame red with a sneer on his lips and he started to smirk when suddenly Blaine was against his shoulder. Holding Kurt's coffee out in front of his face with a cheeky grin and glancing down to the phone in his hands.

"Is Mercedes okay?" Blaine asked as Kurt took the offered cup and placed his phone back in the pocket of his coat. He met Blaine's eyes and wrapped his free arm around Blaine's broad shoulders as they walked to the door, sipping at their hot drinks.

"You wouldn't believe, she just asked me for advice on making out in a car. It seems Shane's center console keeps getting in the way." Kurt smirked, a loud laugh escaping him as they passed Sebastian and headed outside.

"Well she went to the right place" Blaine smirked, feeling himself blush and not caring in the least as Kurt chuckled, pulling Blaine closer till his lips grazed the shorter boy's ear.

"Care for a demonstration?" Kurt's voice was low and graveling and when Blaine turned to meet his eyes he smirked and winked at his boyfriend.

Blaine felt his body shiver involuntarily against Kurt's side and he gasped a little before answering. "Oh god yes."

* * *

It was a few days before they ran into Sebastian again, though neither of them were paying attention when he appeared before them in the parking lot at the Lima Bean, holding his cell phone and staring at them with his mouth hanging open like a slobbering puppy.

"Blaine," Sebastian said smugly, changing his stance as though he owned the situation. "You look great, who's the girl in the dress?"

Kurt looked down instinctively to the long sweater that nearly reached his knees and cursed himself for blushing, but Blaine's arm reached around his waist, pulling him close. "Go away Sebastian." He said, clearly exacerbated as they continued toward the door.

As they walked away, Sebastian shouted back, "Call you later," and Blaine sighed.

"I won't answer," he said under his breath and Kurt giggled, turning to kiss his boyfriend before they disappeared inside the shop. Both could feel the ugly stare that followed them.

* * *

Hours later Blaine was engrossed in Kurt's lips on his skin when his phone rang and with a quick glance he noticed it was Sebastian. Tossing it aside he turned into Kurt, chasing his lips, "You feel amazing."

Rolling himself on top of his boyfriend, Kurt whimpered and Blaine's heart skipped a beat as Kurt's hands found the skin of his stomach. They had hours alone ahead of them and when Kurt breathed again, his voice was hoarse and deep, "I love you so much, Blaine. I love this. Could we … maybe try something new today?"

"Anything you want, babe. I'm all yours," Blaine panted, allowing his shirt to be pulled over his head before Kurt enveloped him in another deep, engrossing kiss.

Beside them Blaine's phone clicked over to voicemail and Sebastian heard, _Hey, you've got Blaine. If I'm not answering it means I'm with Kurt, (ya he is!_ Kurt's voice came from the background and Blaine chuckled before adding a simple.) _Leave it and we'll talk soon._

Discouraged, he hung up without bothering to leave a message.


	3. Seeing Red (New Years Eve S3 - 309/310)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: this is pure, unfiltered fluff - Songs used are Madonna "Don't Tell Me" - Cobrastarship (feat. Sabi) "You Make Me Feel..." and "Long Live" By Taylor Swift… this piece covers Kurt and Blaine's first New Years together and features a New Directions party…

 

* * *

**Seeing Red** (New Years Eve - Season 3) - 309/310

The basement at the Hummel-Hudson house was full of New Directions members by 8pm and in the corner Kurt and Blaine were close together, trading kisses and talking in whispers over the music. It was their first New Years as a couple and both were intent on sharing that magical midnight kiss.

But first it was Karaoke time, as Rachel took it upon herself to stop the music and announce over the chatter of the group. From the floor Puck started whining and Rachel shot a kick at his feet, bouncing her way to the raised fireplace to announce that the girls would be starting the night with none other than Madonna.

As the first notes of " _Don't Tell Me"_ blared from the speakers set around the room, Quinn, Tina and Brittany jumped up to join Rachel in front of the group and despite his attitude Puck sat up to watch. The energy in the room seemed to blouster as the girls danced around together, belting out the words and laughing at simple missteps.

_Tell the leaves not to turn_  
_But don't ever tell me I'll learn, no, no_  
_Take the black off a crow  
_ _But don't tell me I have to go_

Kurt and Blaine made their way to an open chair to watch, squeezing in together till Kurt was on Blaine's lap with his arm across Blaine's shoulders. Smiling, Kurt placed a soft kiss on Blaine's forehead, causing Blaine to beam up at him.

"Are we doing a song?" Blaine asked, rubbing slow circles across Kurt's back.

"I have no idea," Kurt said, shaking his head with a soft smile. "I'm sure Rachel has the playlist all worked out." Leaning in, Kurt rested his head on Blaine's shoulder, his eyes wandering from the girls to his boyfriend's grinning face. He felt a great rush of affection as he watched Blaine watch their friends, feeling that this had been his favorite holiday season since his mom died.

They had spent every possible moment of winter break together, from hot drinks to cold nights. They shared family dinners and quiet moments and even found the chance to make love for hours one afternoon in Blaine's empty house. That has been Kurt's favorite day, laid out in his boyfriend's bed, exploring new avenues of each other just for the pleasure of touch, the magic of love.

Affectionately Kurt nipped at Blaine's earlobe to gain his attention and the grin turned into a sated smile as his hand squeezed into Kurt's back. "You're my favorite," Kurt whispered, pulling his legs up so he was closer to Blaine.

_[Don't you ever]_  
_Tell me love isn't true_  
_It's just something that we do_  
_Tell me everything I'm not  
_ _please don't tell me to stop_

"You're mine, too." Blaine whispered with a chuckle, turning to catch Kurt's mouth with his own. For the moment they felt that no one was around, they were alone and lost in the slide of each other's tongues, the catch in breathes, the ecstasy of teeth on lips.

But the moment was ruined when someone flicked an M&M at Blaine's face and with a loud sucking sound they broke apart to stare at their grinning and chuckling friends.

"You're up, lovebirds," Puck said, throwing another M&M that bounced off Kurt's arm.

Kurt cleared his throat, leaning up to stare at his friends scathingly, "we were busy."

"Gettin there," Santana snickered, taking the bowl of M&M's from Puck and tossing and handful at them.

"You're cleaning those up," Kurt said, annoyed as he pushed to his feet and offered Blaine a hand up.

Blaine took Kurt's hand, smiling sheepishly and avoiding the eyes of the watching crowd, "What are we singing?" He asked, his gaze darting to Rachel.

"Dealers choice," Rachel smiled fondly, pointing at her Karaoke machine.

As they made their way to the head of the room their shoulders bumped and Kurt turned to smile at Blaine. Rachel was still talking but the words were lost in the dopey smile they shared. Before reaching the machine Blaine stole a kiss that squashed their noses together and had the boys in the room howling and the girls swooning.

They took a moment to sort through the playlist that Rachel brought, bypassing some of the sappier music in search of something fun. Giggling they pressed play together and grabbed the microphones, starting the song in perfect harmony

_La la la la la_  
_La la na na na_  
_la la la la la  
_ _La la na na na_

Together, the New Directions jumped with excitement as the notes of the song began and with Kurt and Blaine at it's head, the room filled with renewed finesse. The performance was flirtatious from the start, with Kurt dancing around Blaine's advances, laughing silently with a kittenish coyness in his eyes.

(Blaine)

_Girl I've been all over the world_  
_Looking for you_  
_I'm known for taking what I think I deserve_  
_And you're overdue_   


_And if you listen you can hear me through the radio_  
_In that bright white noise_  
_What I been missing in my life_  
_What I been dreaming of_  
_You'll be that girl_  
_You'll be that girl  
_ _You'll be_

When it was his turn to solo Kurt took Blaine's hand and spun him around to gain his place in the center of the floor. Blaine reacted by flinging an arm over Kurt's shoulders and matching the shimmy of his hips.

(Kurt)

_Everything you want so let me get up there_  
_I'm the baddest baby in the atmosphere  
_ _Tell me what you want so we can do just what you like_

[Together ]

_You make me feel that_  
_La la la la la_  
_You make me feel so (x2)_  
_La la la la la  
_ _You, you make me feel that_

Blaine took Kurt's waist as the song continued, and as their eyes met the temperature in the room seemed to spike. Everyone could feel the chemistry coursing through them and the vibe was infectious. Their friends cheered as Kurt matched Blaine's advances, dancing together in perfect sync, their bodies moving like magnets as they teased each other with playful kisses.

[Blaine]

_Get a little closer to me girl_  
_And you'll understand_  
_'Cause if you want a guy that knows what you need  
_ _Well, then I'm your man_

_And if I listen I can hear you through my radio_  
_In that bright white noise_  
_What I been missing in my life_  
_What I been dreaming of_  
_You'll be that girl_  
_You'll be that girl  
_ _You'll be_

[Kurt]

_Everything you want so let me get up there_  
_I'm the baddest baby in the atmosphere_  
_Tell me what you want so we can do just what you like  
_ _Ooh_

_Everything you know I'm flipping upside down_  
_Take you 'round the world_  
_You know I like it loud  
_ _Tell me what you want 'cause we can do just what you like_

As the final course of the song hit, the room erupted in sound with everyone chanting along and in the middle Kurt and Blaine laughed heartily, falling into each other's arms, overjoyed.

(Together)

_You make me feel that  
_ _La la la la la  
_ _You make me feel so  
_ _La la la la la_ (x4)

_Put your hands up_  
_Put your hands up_  
_Let the lights drop_  
_Let the lights drop_  
_Make my world stop  
_ _Make my world stop_

_La la la la la_  
_La la na na na_  
_You make me feel that_  
_La la la la la_  
_You make me feel so  
_ _La la la la la_

When the last note echoed around the room Kurt pulled Blaine in for a smiling kiss that was slightly off center and so joyous they nearly went toppling to the floor. At that moment Carole and Burt appeared at the top of the stairs, pretending to complain about the noise while they carried a stack of pizza's to a table set with snacks. Most of the group rushed over to help, pulling boxes from their hands and thanking them over the tops of lids.

For a while the music played on it's own as everyone ate their fill and watched the clock, ready to flip on the TV when the time came. By 11:30 they were all crowded around the screen, Kurt back on Blaine's lap in an old chair, anticipation sparking like electricity between them.

When the countdown started they both smiled, their eyes sparkling together as everyone joined in _10, 9, 8_. Jumping up from the chair to count with the rest, Kurt pulled Blaine's hand into his, smiling as they yelled _7, 6, 5_. Kurt giggled with Rachel quickly, then turned to pull Blaine against his chest, _4, 3, 2._ As the clock struck one they both surged forward, throwing their arms around each other as the world melted away.

The kiss started with a glide of tongues, a hitch of breath, a brush of lips, then Kurt turned his head to suck Blaine's lips between his teeth, drawing a soft moan that made stars explode behind his eyes. When Kurt felt his nose fit into the side of Blaine's like a puzzle piece his eyes opened a fraction and he found Blaine's staring back at him, eyes shining a deep gold that made Kurt's body flood with rapture at the passion and devotion between them. The world seemed to glow a violet, vibrate red as their hearts beat together, lost but for the feel of each other and the bliss they shared.

Pushing himself impossibly closer, Kurt's tongue slipped into Blaine's mouth and flicked against his, making them both whimper softly as their eyes closed again and together their feet stumbled. Giggling and refusing to break the kiss they both fell back into their chair, this time with Blaine on top of Kurt. Then the celebrations in the room met their ears again. With one last gentle nip at Kurt's lips, Blaine pulled back with a smile, aware of everyone yelling around them.

Puck slapped Blaine on the back as he passed, being pulled around by Brittany and Santana. Finn appeared to high five them both, screaming HAPPY NEW YEAR loudly in their faces. Rachel fell into their laps to hug Kurt's neck tightly before hitting them both in excitement as Finn pulled her off.

Mike caught Blaine's eyes from a chair across the room, Tina in his lap with her face buried in his neck and gave him a thumbs up, smiling at whatever she was doing. Artie was bouncing on his wheels in the corner, laughing along with Quinn and Mercedes as the music started up again.

(Mercedes & Artie )

_I said remember this moment in the back of my mind_  
_The time we stood with our shaking hands_  
_The crowds in stands went wild_  
_We were the Kings and the Queens_  
_And they read off our names_  
_The night you danced like you knew our lives\  
_ _Would never be the same_

Singing loudly, they parted the group, pulling everyone back to their feet to dance again. As the song played the mics were passed around, confetti was thrown and Carole pulled Burt down the stairs to join in.

(Rachel, Quinn & Tina)

_Long live the walls we crashed through_  
_How the kingdom lights shined just for me and you_  
_I was screaming long live all the magic we made_  
_And bring on all the pretenders  
_ _One day, we will be remembered_

(Finn & Puck)

_I said remember this feeling_  
_I pass the pictures around_  
_Of all the years that we stood there  
_ _On the sidelines wishing for right now_

(Rachel & Mercedes, Joe & Artie)

_We are the Kings and the Queens_  
_You traded your baseball cap for a crown_  
_When they gave us our trophies  
_ _And we held them up for our town_

(Rachel, & Santana)

_And the cynics were outraged_  
_Screaming, "This is absurd!"_  
_Cause for a moment a band of thieves  
_ _In ripped up jeans got to rule the world_

(Santana, Brittany, & Sugar)

_Long live the walls we crashed through_  
_How the kingdom lights shined just for me and you_  
_I was screaming long live all the magic we made_  
_And bring on all the pretenders  
_ _One day, we will be remembered_

Kurt and Blaine were last to join and they stepped into the middle of the group, covertly stealing the mics from Rachel and Santana to sing to each other. Everyone cheered as they began and the pitch in the room reached a deafening note, though no one seemed to mind.

(Kurt & Blaine)

_Will you take a moment, promise me this_  
_That you'll stand by me forever_  
_But if God forbid fate should step in_  
_And force us into a goodbye_  
_If you have children someday_  
_When they point to the pictures  
_ _Please tell them my name_

_(Kurt, Blaine & Rachel)_

_Tell them how the crowds went wild  
_ _Tell them how I hope they shine_

_(Everyone)_

_Long live the walls we crashed through_  
_I had the time of my life, with you_  
_Long, long live the walls we crashed through_  
_How the kingdom lights shined just for me and you_  
_And I was screaming long live all the magic we made_  
_And bring on all the pretenders  
_ _I'm not afraid_

_Singing, long live all the mountains we moved_  
_I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you_  
_And long, long live the look on your face_  
_And bring on all the pretenders  
_ _One day, we will be remembered_

As a group, everyone faced the celebration on TV as they belted out the last note, then fell over with laughter, pushing each other in fondness and embarrassment. Burt and Carole were the only ones left standing at the back of the room, clapping as they reminded everyone that curfew started in 45 minutes and it was time to wrap up.

Most of the group left quickly, Puck and Finn carried Arite up the stairs and out to his van while the girls collected their coats from the guest room but Blaine hung back, his hand in Kurt's. While Finn kissed Rachel by her car Burt appeared beside Kurt, patting his son on the shoulder.

"Happy New Years, boys," He said, clearly looking away from Finn and Rachel.

"Happy New Years, Mr. Hummel," Blaine said at the same time that Kurt said, "Happy New Years, Dad," and they all smiled.

"The couch is free if you want it, Anderson." He said and with a sideways glance at the pair of them he added, "but Kurt will be sleeping in his room."

"Thanks, Mr. Hummel." Blaine said, his eyes on Kurt. "I'd love to stay, if that's okay with you."

"I'd love you to stay," Kurt said in a rush and they both beamed.

"I can make you breakfast," Kurt said in a whisper after watching his father disappear down the hall and he leaned over to kiss Blaine again, a promise for the year to come.


	4. A Place to Belong (311) - Mercedes POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: This chapter is a little different because it's from Mercedes point of view, it's meant to show how Kurt and Blaine's relationship looks in season 3 from the perspective of their friends. This piece tracks most of the "Michael" episode for Mercedes and features Kurtcedes… also Klaine

**A Place to Belong** (Mercedes POV) 3.11

* * *

_All this engagement nonsense is ridiculous,_ Mercedes thought to herself while sitting in the rowdy choir room. _We're in high school for crying out loud. She_ crossed her arms over her chest as she watched Kurt stare at Blaine, the two of them looking punch drunk, sharing whispers. Rachel was sitting on Finn's lap, talking animatedly while he stared at her boobs. Tina and Mike were huddled in a corner, kissing fiercely in a way that Mercedes could honestly say she'd never done. Brittany and Santana were picking at Sugar's hair like a couple of monkeys. And at the piano Sam, Puck and Artie had pulled out guitars, raising the noise level in the room by at least seven decimals.

Sam was the real problem. Blonde, gorgeous, stupid Sam, who had swooped back into town and ruined everything. She thought she liked Shane, she had even thought she was over Sam and moving on and all that stuff that people say you should do. But now the whole thing was a confused blur in her head. She envied these happy couples, trying to pinpoint what they had that she didn't have with Shane.

_It really is ridiculous,_ she reminded herself just as Blaine stole a kiss from Kurt and the latter blushed to the tips of his ears. They were sitting close enough together to hide their linked hands between them. They really were very cute when they thought no one was paying attention. Most of the time they were self conscious about affection. They had all experienced the hate the two boys had directed at them when they let their guard down. But there was still something undeniable about them, something fundamental that Mercedes couldn't figure out.

...

Later that day, She was on the phone with Kurt, discussing outfit choices for the following day when she decided to bring it up. It felt like an odd thing to talk about, but she knew the only person she could trust to discuss her situation with was Kurt.

"Can I ask you a question about you and Blaine?" She prompted, cutting him off as he ranted about leggings.

"Oh, um…" Kurt stopped. "Well sure, what's your question?"

"I'm not sure how to word it," She admitted, nervous at having to explain. "Okay, here's the thing. You know I'm seeing Shane and I like him and all that. Well a few days ago Sam told me he was going to win me back. I mean he more screamed it down the hall as I walked away. And I guess my question is, how do you know you want to be with Blaine? Do you ever wonder what it be like to be with someone else?"

"You think my answer will help you choose between Biggie and Eminem?" Kurt asked and Mercedes fake chuckled. "Well, I love Blaine for one."

"Right," Mercedes said, remembering how her mind had gone straight to Sam when Mr. Schue was talking about proposals. The way Sam made her smile, the way his eyes on her made her feel. She couldn't deny that Shane didn't have the same effect, or at least it was stronger with Sam, but was that love?

"I don't really know how to explain it, but I don't care about anyone else. I want him," Kurt admitted sheepishly and Mercedes imagined him blushing. "Look, if I had to be trapped on a deserted island with one person for the rest of my life, that person would be Blaine. That's how I think you should feel, do you want an island with Shane or with Sam? Or neither, you don't have to chose anyone, girl. Don't forget that."

"You're right," Mercedes sighed, suddenly desperate to end this conversation. "But more importantly, since when do you know about Biggie and Eminem?"

"Since I started hanging out with you," Kurt mocked, and they both laughed. "You're a bad influence, Ms. Jones. I mean _you_ have two boys on the hook!"

"Very funny," Mercedes chuckled, contemplating Kurt's words. "But you do have a point. I can't say I don't miss being left alone."

"Maybe that's your answer," Kurt said poignantly and Mercedes sighed, feeling a rush of calm settle over her. 

"Thanks," She said, sighing. "What are you doing later?"

"I sort of have to go actually, Blaine's picking me up in half an hour and I haven't even touched my hair." Kurt's voice grew panicked. Mercedes chuckled, thinking that Kurt's hair probably looked the same as it had at school, not a strand out of place.

"You two really are adorable," Mercedes said without thought. "Have a nice night, Kurtsie."

"For the record, he has never called me that." Kurt pointed out, slightly annoyed but Mercedes could hear the smile in his voice. "Goodnight brat."

Pressing the end call button, Mercedes dropped her phone on the bed and fell, sprawled out next to it. The answer to her question seemed to be staring her in the face, but she wasn't ready to accept it. For a moment she thought of Kurt and Blaine, of the relationship she had a front row seat to. They had gone from close friends to deeply in love in no time at all, and now, months later they were often insufferable to be around. It had become common for their friends to catch the two making out in odd places, suddenly absent from groups and disappearing from social events.

Kurt always brushed it off, they hadn't been gone long; but Blaine blushed hard, claiming he couldn't be expected to forego any available second to be alone with his boyfriend. The intensity of their romance was felt by everyone, so no one faulted them much for something they couldn't seem to help. Well except Santana, who called them out loudly every time they were found in an empty classroom, locked in a formative embrace.

In truth, Mercedes liked having a boyfriend. She enjoyed no longer being the odd one out, the third wheel, perpetually on her own. But she longed for the intensity, the passion that her friends shared in their relationships. Even Rachel and Finn had it and Mike and Tina overflowed with enthusiasm for their connection. Mercedes felt that the only time she'd experienced that was the quick summer romance she'd shared with Sam before his family moved away. They had spent his last day in town locked in her family van in a quiet parking lot, swapping kisses and sharing a charged silence that seemed to contain a million words they had both been afraid to say. And it was her left standing in his driveway as his parents drove him out of town, waving back to her. Waving Goodbye.

Snatching back her phone she hastily pressed the symbol to call Shane. It was a Friday night after all and she needed a night out too.

* * *

Days later Mercedes was hauled up in her bedroom ignoring her ringing phone. She knew it was either Sam, who had kissed her mere hours ago, or Kurt who lived with Sam and would likely know what happened by now. In truth she had kissed Sam back, they had spent several long minutes standing at center stage, sharing affections while ignoring the implications of their actions. She had cheated on Shane, she had let Sam kiss her, she had enjoyed it and worse of all, her body was alive with electricity at the thought of doing it again.

She would have to tell Shane, there was no other option. She respected him too much to try to hide this, as if she could pretend it didn't happen. In a moment of nervous anger with herself, her phone ringer split the silence again and she picked it up, inwardly praying for Kurt's voice on the other end.

"What in the world happened today?" Kurt shot out, his voice loud enough to hurt her ears.

"I don't know," Mercedes admitted quietly, her face coloring. "He wanted us to sing a duet and I refused but he just starting playing. It was like I couldn't resist and by the end of it we were kissing. I don't know what happened."

"Mercedes," Kurt responded scathingly, his voice full of accusation.

"Okay, so maybe I wanted to kiss him," She admitted, her voice rising. "I wanted it okay? But that's just so wrong, I have a boyfriend. I thought I had moved on from this."

"Did you really?" Kurt asked knowingly, his voice still accusing. "I saw the look on your face when he showed up again and really, you guys were great together. I mean once you actually told me about it."

"I said I was sorry for that," Mercedes shot back at him, annoyed. "We didn't tell anyone, we didn't want the opinions of people like Santana getting between us."

"But she's such a lovely girl," Kurt said sarcastically and they both laughed aloud. "Look M, if you want to be with Sam, don't let anyone stop you. Especially Santana, I mean if I listened to her I'd have dumped my gorgeous, amazing, slightly hobbitish boyfriend months ago."

"He's sitting right next to you, isn't he? How's he doing?" Mercedes observed, a smile playing across her lips.

"He's at the computer across the room, researching some stuff for the homework he missed. But don't change the subject, are you okay with what happened?" Kurt pressed, his voice shifting to concern. "And what are you going to do now?"

"I'm fine, I mean I'm angry of course. Both with myself and with Sam." Mercedes admitted quietly, taking a deep sigh as she added."I don't really have a choice at this point, I have to tell Shane what happened and that will obviously end our relationship."

"Are you okay with that?" Kurt urged and it occurred to Mercedes that he was worried about her. She wasn't used to people worrying about her at all, her parents had so much faith in her it was hard to show them weakness, and she knew what they would say anyway. They would tell her that she was too young for a relationship, that high school boys only wanted one thing and she should wait for marriage to get too close to anyone. And the thing was, she agreed with them.

"Does it matter?" Mercedes asked, miffed by how very not okay she felt at the present moment. "I can't not tell him."

"Suppose not," Kurt agreed with sharp exhale. "I just want to make sure you're okay. We've spent the last half hour listening to a confused Sam ranting at Finn about how he's already got the girl so he can't possibly understand. It's actually kind of funny."

"I'm fine, I just need to think," Mercedes offered, chuckling gently as a picture of the scene formed in her mind. Kurt's house, with Sam shrieking at an oblivious Finn and Kurt and Blaine hiding upstairs, giving up their alone time to talk to her. "Go jump on your hobbit."

"Well if you say so," Kurt conceded, snickering in an excited way."Love you!"

"I'll call you later." Mercedes said trying to hide the sadness that had crept into her throat.

"Sounds good, don't beat yourself up too much." Kurt told her simply, a note of concern still lingering in his tone.

"I won't, bye." She said, hanging up the phone with a watering smile.

Imagining Kurt jumping on Blaine in a computer chair, Mercedes laughed lightly, shaking her head as she dropped her phone next to her. She had been right to take the call. She felt less angry now and as she thought of Sam talking to Finn about it, she giggled, knowing that he would refer to her as "my girl" at least a hundred times. She liked being his girl. Though she wondered if she was really ready for a relationship at all. Less than a month after she started dating Sam, his family announced they were moving to another state, slapping an expiration date on any plans they made. After only a few weeks of Sam being back, she had cheated on Shane. And the honest truth was, she still didn't know what she wanted.

* * *

The next day at school Mercedes pulled them both aside, separately, and told them the truth. Her actions proved that she was not ready for any relationship and after many apologies she felt better. Single, but better and when it was all said and done she sought out Kurt, knowing that he would understand. She found him at his locker, looking tired and annoyed. Blaine had not been at school for a few days following an attack that had been meant for Kurt and it was jarring how much Blaine's absence effected Kurt's every move. In a way, seeing Kurt like this reassured her, he and Blaine knew what they want, they were devoted to each other and that was the difference. She wasn't sure with either of her choices, so she decided it was better to be alone.

"Hey," She said as she approached Kurt, thankful that they had their next class together.

"Oh, hey," Kurt said tonelessly, his spirit downcast. "How's it going?"

"Well I did it," Mercedes said solemnly. "I talk to them both."

"Oh," Kurt squeaked, slamming his locker shut as a touch of interest lightened his face. "Did they cry? Threaten dramatic attempts to win you back? Profess that they can't live without you? I mean, losing you must be devastating."

Mercedes laughed lightly, surprised at the sound, "well Shane was upset, of course. He didn't appreciate Sam kissing me and he kept insisting that it wasn't my fault. But I told him point blank that I had kissed Sam back and that pretty much ended the conversation. It's over, and Sam doesn't understand why I won't get back together with him immediately."

"Of course he doesn't," Kurt said shaking his head, his voice full of the understanding Mercedes had hoped for. "But I think you made the right choice."

As they started down the hallway to class Mercedes chuckled as she thought, to be fair, Sam had a hard time comprehending how bread becomes toast, he could hardly be expected to understand Mercedes reasons for the decisions she made.

"It feels like the right choice," She admitted, lacing her arm through Kurt's. "For now, I'm alright just being your girl."

"My best girl," Kurt concurred as they walked into their buzzing classroom and conversation shifted to other topics and Mercedes found that she was happier than she'd felt in weeks.


	5. Dead Wrong (317)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: This piece is from "Dance With Something" and covers some missing scenes during the Chandler situation - both angst and fluff

_**3.17 Dead Wrong** _

An hour after Blaine performed _it's not right, but it's ok,_ Kurt cornered him in an empty classroom, desperate for a conversation. A chance to explain. The texts between himself and Chandler had already cost him a night with Blaine, he refused to let them cost him anything else. Besides the whole thing had been blown completely out of proportion.

"Would you please talk to me?" Kurt's voice rose over Blaine's attempt to leave.

"Why don't you just talk to him like you were during Glee?!" Blaine suddenly yelled, turning to face Kurt with tears in his eyes. "I was right there! And you were," he choked back a sob. "That smile was for him!"

"Blaine please, it was harmless." Kurt insisted, his voice pleading as he took a step towards Blaine with his hands held up as if to surrender.

Blaine scoffs, taking a step back, his chest thick with anger. As far as he could tell Kurt was already halfway out the door. "We've heard _that_ before" He spat, "Sam was watching you, Mercedes and I'm sure Rachel saw as well."

Kurt's whole body froze, he swayed for a moment, choking on the breath in his throat.

"She called you out didn't she?" Blaine said, his voice more even but also more angry.

"Of course she did," Kurt conceded softly, blushing in an ashamed way that seemed to make Blaine more upset.

"At least one of you has some sense," Blaine said spitefully, turning to leave again.

"You're right, she was right. And you know how much that hurts me to admit," Kurt pointed out desperately.

"Do you have any idea how much that hurts _me_?" Blaine spun around again, dropping his bag on the floor and throwing his hands up in exasperation. "Your friends saw you cheating on me and they didn't defend us!"

"It wasn't cheating," Kurt insisted for what felt like the hundredth time. "But, yes, Rachel did defend you and I told her what I should've told you. That you're being strangely distant and she told me to talk to you. Which I know I should have done but I didn't know how." Kurt was talking with his hands now, frantically trying to find the words that would remove the wounds from Blaine's eyes. "Look I'm really sorry but it wasn't cheating, it was just a couple of text messages. How many times did you text Sebastian right in front of me?"

"Don't you dare throw that back in my face right now!" Blaine's voice rose and he took a step closer to Kurt, "We've been through it a million times. I never flirted with him, I never led him to believe he had a chance! You have plans to see this guy months from now when I'm out of the picture!"

"No Blaine, please it's not like that, I swear." Kurt pleaded in a frenzy as Blaine made to leave again. "Those plans were not about him at all, it was about seeing the city. It was about knowing someone there, you know I would never, ever cheat on you. I love you."

"When you smiled at your phone during glee," Blaine pointed out, the hurt in his eyes making Kurt's heart twist painfully in his chest. "It certainly felt like cheating to me." As he finished, he turned dramatically and swinging his bag up from the floor he left the room, ignoring the look of shock on Kurt's face.

Sighing Kurt collected his bag and made his way to his last class, feeling as though everyone in the crowded halls were judging him. Surely they had seen Blaine burst from the room, perhaps some had even heard them yelling. In a way they were a popular couple, he supposed he should have thought of that before cornering Blaine in the first place.

The thing was Kurt didn't feel like he was cheating, he was just enjoying the attention. Chandler was funny and sweet and ya, probably flirting a little too much but it wasn't like Kurt would ever actually see the guy again. Yet somehow to Blaine it felt like cheating, and maybe that was all that really mattered.

Resigned, Kurt pulled out his phone during class and began reading over the texts again, trying to see things from Blaine's point of view. Three and a half days of flirty banter between himself and some guy; some guy who most definitely wasn't the boyfriend he loved. The more he read, the more nauseous he felt as the words on the screen blurred and changed until his heart ached with a ferocity he'd never felt before. What had he been thinking? Chandler was no one compared to Blaine, _his_ Blaine whom he'd hurt with these stupid words sent to another boy. He'd thought it was just innocent fun, but as he read the messages back it was clear that Kurt had been dead wrong.

In the beginning the texts were focused on music, scattered with shared files of Kurt singing their favorite Broadway tunes, followed by a slew of compliments from Chandler. Then things became more personal, more flirtatious and suddenly Kurt was encouraging the compliments, returning the implied affections. Seamlessly, the whole thing had gone too far. Not only had he planned to spend days in New York with Chandler, the texts had somehow gained a sexual undertone that Kurt hadn't consciously consented to.

He hadn't meant for it to be like this, it had certainly started as innocent fun. The guy had been nice, sweet and shamelessly, harmlessly flirting, or so Kurt had thought. When had they started planning to spend time together? When had Kurt started flirting back in earnest? When had it turned from a few texts to something else? Something that made Kurt's mouth taste wrong and his stomach lurch.

As the bell rang overhead he tried to call Blaine but the voicemail picked up and Blaine's voice, bright and cheerful came through the speaker _, "Hey you've reached Blaine's phone, if I'm not answering it's because I'm with Kurt. Leave a message and I'll call you back later. And remember, don't just bring it. Sing it!"_ Kurt's heart sank deeper into the pit of his stomach, what in the world had he been thinking? What was wrong with him? Of course the messages would bother Blaine, why else hadn't he mentioned meeting Chandler? Why else had he tried to keep the messages to himself?

His limbs felt heavy as he finally made himself move, realizing that he was alone in the classroom with the day winding down. The weight of what he'd done seemed to settle on his shoulders, the level of trust that Kurt had broken when he'd given some other guy the words that were reserved for Blaine. When he reached his car, Kurt sent another text hoping against hope that Blaine would see it soon and believe his declarations of love and apology.

 _Come What May, I love you. Please forgive me, my love._ \- Kurt

He did not receive a reply.

* * *

Hours later in the middle of his skin care routine, Kurt froze as the silence of the room pressed in on him, deafening after months of sharing this time with Blaine over speakerphone. He hadn't realized he was crying until a track appeared across his cheek in the white foam that clung to his skin, but then he was sobbing into a washcloth, his routine forgotten.

He'd been working through the past few days in his mind and the more he thought about it the more clearly Kurt saw exactly how he'd hurt the man he loved. He remembered those first few days after Blaine had gone to Dalton, only to come back with a new number in his phone, a new friend to have coffee with. And most obviously, a new guy who was more than interested in Blaine, _his Blaine._ Sebastian hadn't even been subtle about his intentions.

Blaine was, predictably, as oblivious as ever. Sebastian had even gotten Blaine to dance with him at Scandals just by offering to show him some new Warblers moves. It had looked suspiciously like two-step booty shake to Kurt. He hated being there in that stupid bar with that stupid boy gawking over the boy he loved and for months afterward, he was forced to watch Sebastian eye fuck Blaine every time they went for coffee.

But Kurt had taken it a step further, because Blaine never encouraged Sebastian's advances. Kurt was doing more than encouraging Chandler. He was engaging this guy, flirting back, laughing, giddy, and acting like a fool simply because the guy thought he was good looking.

He spent the night alone feeling foolish and childish. Blaine never returned his various contacts and Kurt didn't get any sleep that night, a few times he thought he should drive over to Blaine's and try to talk to him but the thought made him want to cry and he knew he had no right to cry. This was his fault.

As morning bloomed into his room Kurt scrolled to the end of the messages and quickly sent a text to the boy who didn't own his heart.

 _Chandler, I'm sorry but I have to ask that you stop texting me  
_ _This is not right. I've hurt my boyfriend and I love him._ \- Kurt

Not a full minute had passed when Kurt's phone buzzed in his hand and he jumped, nervous. He hadn't expected a reply so early and when he read the words his heart sank further, he really had been leading this guy on.

 _Ok… I mean, it's not like we're doing anything  
_ _And hoped maybe you weren't like too solid with this guy…_ \- Chandler

 _There is nothing more solid than Blaine and I  
_ _I apologize for giving you the wrong impression_ \- Kurt

 _He's a lucky guy_ – Chandler

 _So am I_ \- Kurt

After pressing send on this final message Kurt deleted the tread and contact information from his phone, then he texted Blaine.

 _You're right. The texts were inappropriate, I've told him to stop texting me and I've deleted him from my phone. I'm so sorry, I really didn't mean any of it. I love you with all my heart Blaine. Please talk to me, I am so so sorry._ \- Kurt

Again, He did not receive a reply.

* * *

The next night Kurt was miserable, Blaine had effectively avoided him all day and he still hadn't replied to any of Kurt's messages. A horrible realization had taken root in his stomach that maybe Blaine was trying to figure out how to break-up with him. This was certainly the worst fight they had ever had, and the longer he went without word from his boyfriend, the more hopeless Kurt felt.

Kurt knew he looked forlorn when his father broke into his listlessness over dinner. "So come on then, what's up with Blaine?"

"I don't know," Kurt shrugged, his voice small.

"Kurt…" Burt said knowingly.

"I mean at first he was like pulling away from me. He always seems to be busy with other things," Kurt said evasively.

"At first?" Burt noted, setting down his fork to stare at Kurt, waiting.

"It was just weird, like he didn't want to spend time with me and then, well, now he thinks I cheated on him," Kurt admitted, his voice growing quiet.

"What?" Burt nearly spat out a fork full of food, staring at Kurt like he'd never seen him before.

"I didn't, it's nothing." Kurt insisted, gesturing over his plate at his father's appalled look. "I was just texting with this guy that I met at the music store, for a few days, it was nothing. And it's over now so it's really nothing."

"The more you say 'it's nothing' the less I believe you" Burt noted, giving Kurt a scathing look.

Kurt blushed, at this point he couldn't really put a label on what he'd been doing with Chandler, but he knew whatever it was, it hadn't been worth what it was costing him.

Kurt could feel his father watching him for a long moment, his eyes somewhere between sympathetic and judgmental. "Look kiddo, Blaine has every right to feel betrayed by that. How would you feel if he were texting some other guy or if some other guy was filling his mind, taking up his time?"

"Hurt, angry, scared. I love him, but.." Kurt agreed, his face falling. "We had a fight at school yesterday and now he's not taking my calls."

"Maybe he needs some time." Burt pointed out, still looking at Kurt with an odd expression. "You'll figure it out, you two are solid."

Kurt's eyes remained on the table when he spoke again, his voice bordering on helpless. "I think I have to, I mean I need to sing. Since he sang and that performance deserves a response. Kind of requires one. I need to speak his language, maybe that'll get him to talk to me."

"Good idea," Burt nodded, "I have faith in you, Kurt. You can fix this."

* * *

After Kurt's performance of "I have nothing" the room emptied quickly, Kurt was still pretending to search through his bag when Blaine cleared his throat from behind him.

"Thank you," Blaine whispered as Kurt turned to him, reaching out nervously to catch the corner of Kurt's mouth with his own. There were tears in his soft eyes and he was shaking slightly in a way that made Kurt more nervous. "I better get to class but I lo.. Thank You." He squeezed Kurt's hand softly before leaving the room, glancing back with a soft smile on his face.

Kurt remained in a daze for a moment, relief flooding through him at this smallest of victories. The bell ringing overhead sent him speeding out the door but as he gained his seat in European History, he finished a text to his boyfriend.

 _I meant every word_ \- Kurt

 _It was a beautiful performance. Did you tape our show?_ \- Blaine

 _Yes, I couldn't watch it without you_ \- Kurt

 _Let's skip coffee. I need to catch up with Bobby_ \- Blaine

 _Whatever you want babe_ \- Kurt

 _I'll meet you at your house_ \- Blaine

The final class of the day seemed to the longest class for Kurt, and he rushed to get home, only to end up waiting some twenty minutes for Blaine to pull up. Overall the night was strained, the conversation seemed forced, the kisses awkward and the goodbye somehow empty, as though something was still missing. As Blaine drove away, Kurt stood rooted on the porch, wracking his brain for a way to make things right. The truth was he loved his boyfriend more than anyone in the whole world, and the thought, the very idea of losing Blaine was simply unbearable.

* * *

Kurt knew he was mopping the next day, Blaine was still avoiding him but now it was less obvious. What was clear was that Kurt hadn't seen Blaine really smile in what felt like a week, and he thought fixing that may be the next step in rectifying his mistake. When she caught Kurt in a moment of distracted melancholy, Mercedes suggested he go to the school counselor. Ms. Pillsbury may have issues but she was no doubt effective in getting people to talk to each other.

* * *

Thankfully it worked, they left the office hand in hand with tear tracks on their cheeks and a million words left between them. Kurt didn't make a move until they reached the privacy of his car, where he leaned across the center console to kiss his boyfriend softly. When he pulled back, the wetness in his eyes was mirrored on Blaine's face and when he spoke it came out in a whisper.

"Blaine, I'm sorry. Please believe me when I say I want you, I want all of it. I want Artie's dream for us," Kurt's voice broke and he took Blaine's face in his free hand. "All of our friends coming to _our_ home for the holidays. I am so in love with you and I never meant to jeopardize what we have," He shook his head, feeling disgusted with himself. "I'm sorry I've been so obsessed with New York, I'm just excited to pave the way for our lives, our futures together. I love you so much."

"I love you too," Blaine whispered, his voice thick with tears. "I'm sorry I freaked out at you. I just, I thought I'd lost you and I couldn't handle it."

"Stop, you're never going to lose me," Kurt murmured, wiping tears from Blaine's face. "I'm the only one who should be sorry here, I was wrong. I never meant it to go that far and I certainly never meant it to hurt you."

"Why did you encourage him then?" Blaine choked, more tears falling from his eyes.

For a moment Kurt stared at Blaine, his mind spinning for the right thing to say, the right words to alleviate Blaine's concerns. "I guess because the attention felt nice. Plus when I met him I was scared you were growing, I don't know, bored with me and I just, I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too. I should never have pulled away from you, I was… I am scared." Blaine nodded, "I'm so scared to be away from you." His hand came up to Kurt's wrist as he leaned forward to capture Kurt's mouth with his own. The kiss contained the old desperate hunger that led them to Blaine's empty house, seeking the comfort of each other in Blaine's quiet room.

* * *

Two days later Kurt and Blaine are at the music store, heads together in search of an inspirational song for Nationals when Kurt had an idea and bounced away to another section. The next voice Blaine heard was not the one he expected and he jumped at the sound.

"That bow-tie is to die for!" The voice was high pitched and loud, like nails on a chalkboard.

"I…" Blaine stammered, looking desperately over the boy's shoulder for a sign of Kurt. "Um, thanks but…"

"You are just too cute," the boy was talking quickly, moving around a fixture towards Blaine. "Can I have your number?" His voice trailed away at the end, his eyes focused on a spot just over Blaine's right shoulder.

At that moment Kurt appeared out of nowhere behind Blaine, making him jump again. "Blaine honey, I think I found it."

"Oh, hey Kurt," The boy said, quite literally stopping in his tracks.

"Hello Chandler," Kurt said after a moment, his voice clipped, annoyed.

Blaine stood frozen, watching the two of them as recognition dawned over the group.

Taking Blaine's hand in his, Kurt spoke to Chandler, his voice strong, proud. "I see you've met my boyfriend."

Blaine smiles up at him, squeezing Kurt's hand happily.

"Damn," Chandler whispered, eyeing both Blaine and Kurt, "Sorry." And with an annoyed glare he turned to leave, not missing the love sick look Kurt and Blaine were sharing as he exited the shop.


	6. Rebirth (318)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This missing scene is from 3.18 (Choke) and takes place after Kurt's rehearsal of "Music of the Night" from Phantom... this scene includes a duet performance of "Helplessly, Hopelessly, Endlessly" By Jessica Andrews

** Rebirth 3.18**

The week of Kurt's NYADA audition was packed with perpetual rehearsal time, extra skin care regiments and endless outfit changes. Not to mention the limitless songs he had to choose from for what was, in many ways, the most important performance of his life. However, he was determined to spend as much time as possible in the presence of the man he loved. He was aware they working through a hard time that was leading to a more difficult test of their relationship and while Kurt deeply believed that he belonged with Blaine, he had learned that love didn't prevent mistakes.

It was late on Tuesday and most of the school was empty, but the auditorium glowed softly with candles when Kurt released Tina to Mike after a long day of rehearsal. As the heavy doors echoed shut backstage, cutting off Tina's giggle, Kurt reached for Blaine as he ascended the stage, turning to face his boyfriend.

"So tell me the truth, you like it, right?" Kurt asked sheepishly, his cheeks still flushed from singing.

"I loved it," Blaine said softly, reaching for Kurt's face. "You're an amazing performer, Kurt and the song is perfect for your voice. I may be bias, but I think you're a shoe-in. They would be crazy not to want you."

Kurt smiled softly, leaning into Blaine's touch with a playful smirk. "Really?."

"Absolutely," Blaine mused, his voice intimately soft. "You're ready for this."

"I hope so," Kurt took a deep breath as a nervous energy rushed through his veins. "I don't suppose it's possible for me to be as prepared as Rachel. I wish I had a catalog of successful competition solos to choose from."

"It's hardly your fault that Mr. Schue always goes with the obvious choice," Blaine shrugs.

"True," Kurt said dully. Every member of the New Directions knew that if there was a solo available, their teachers first choice would always be Rachel and though he loved his friend, he couldn't help the resentment he felt towards her. "Thankfully I got some real practice at Dalton because of this guy who had a crush on me."

"Sounds like a pretty cool guy," Blaine said with an amused smirk.

"The best," Kurt beamed playfully, pulling Blaine by the waist till they stood flush together.

"I just... I love you so much," Blaine's voice trailed off as they melted into a kiss while firelight flickered across their skin, making colors dance behind their eyes.

The kiss made Kurt's chest ache with longing and he folded them both into a tight hug, peppering Blaine's cheek and neck with kisses. "I love you, Blaine." He whispered, voice muffled by Blaine's shoulder. "I don't want to go home yet. Can... Will you stay with me a while longer?"

"Of course," Blaine said, voice thick as Kurt's lips found his neck again and he shivered in his lovers arms. "I could stay here forever with you."

Kurt hummed in agreement and suddenly the overhead lights flicked off. They both jumped in surprise and over Kurt's shoulder Blaine saw Artie rolling out of the auditorium. They were alone in the flickering candlelight, only safety lighting left to guide their way and with a deep sigh Blaine stepped impossibly closer, hugging Kurt fiercely.

**(Blaine)**

_I can stand with the weight of the world_  
_On my shoulders_  
 _I can fight with the toughest of the tough_  
 _I can laugh in the face_  
 _Of all my insecurities_  
 _Anytime, anywhere, anything_  
 _I'm strong enough_

_But when you're holding me like this_   
_I'm carelessly lost in your touch_   
_I'm completely defenseless_   
_Baby, it's almost too much_   
_I'm helplessly, hopelessly, recklessly_   
_Falling in love_

Their arms fell away from each other with a small, sweet smile and Kurt took a moment to remove the outer layers of his performance costume. As he packed up the notes he had laid out across the piano he watched Blaine blowing out random candles, carefully spacing them out to avoid setting off the fire alarms. There was a reason they did this and the memory made Kurt chuckle under his breath.

It had only been a few weeks ago that he'd started seriously rehearsing his audition piece and that first night he and Blaine had the auditorium they quickly put out all the candles at once. Creating a cloud of smoke that set off the alarm system. Smiling at the memory of kissing his boyfriend in the downpour of the sprinkler system, Kurt piled his things off to the side of the stage with Blaine's.

**(Kurt)**

_So let consequence do what it will to us_   
_I don't care_   
_Let the stars stand as witness to it all_   
_Say the word and tonight I will follow you anywhere_   
_I just can't pretend anymore_   
_I'm too sturdy to fall_

It took them awhile to put out the array of candles, mostly because they kept getting distracted by opportunities to slow dance in the low, flickering light. Holding tight to each other while sharing words of love and devotion, excitement and reassurance at the uncertainty over the coming months.

 **(both)**  
  
_But when you're holding me like this_  
 _I'm carelessly lost in your touch_  
 _I'm completely defenseless_  
 _Baby, it's almost too much_  
 _I'm helplessly, hopelessly, recklessly_  
 _Falling in love_

 _I am not afraid_  
_I am not afraid_

When their evening had started Blaine had been anxious that Kurt might be trying to make up for their recent struggles. It was an odd thing to Blaine, learning how love doesn't prevent you from miscommunication. Love doesn't save you from pain or fear. But as the hours passed he realized that Kurt was banking their time together, trying to steal as many kisses as possible before their inevitable separation. Blaine found himself lapping up the affection, unable to hold back even the simplest of touches. 

The stage at McKinley held many memories for them. Oddly the open, expansive space had become a kind oasis, often empty during the busy weekdays and filled with so much music the walls seemed saturate with it. Even now, in the pure silence that surrounded them, the very stage seemed to sing along with them. 

_'Cause when you're holding me like this_   
_I'm carelessly lost in your touch_   
_I'm completely defenseless_   
_Baby, it's almost too much_   
_I'm helplessly, hopelessly, recklessly_   
_Falling..._   
_(Helplessly, hopelessly, recklessly falling)_   
_I'm helplessly, hopelessly, recklessly_   
_Falling in love_

By the time they blew out the last candle together they both made the same wish, for more nights like this one.


	7. Party (322)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- This missing scene takes place the evening after McKinley's graduation in season 3...

**Party 3.22**

* * *

_I miss you already_ \- Kurt sent the text to Blaine while riding home with his father and Carole. They had insisted on taking their boys out for a post-graduation dinner and now he was squeezed in the backseat with Finn burping up his hamburger.

_I'm right behind you, love. I'm following my heart_ \- Blaine's response beeped and smiling, Kurt turned to ask his father the question he'd already asked countless times that day.

"Come on dad, what's this big graduation gift you planned for us?"

"Ya, man, you can tell us now," Finn added helpfully. "We've totally graduated."

Kurt shook his head, surprised at how the words sounded now that they were out of McKinley. He was graduated, he was done with high school, he was never going back. Well… within reason. Blaine still had another year to finish and really, Kurt didn't know what he was going to do now. He had foolishly staked his entire future on a long-shot chance. Applying to one school seemed a good omen at the time, surely they would have to take him, but now he just felt foolish. Only the best of the best were admitted to his first choice college and he hadn't been one of them. So he was facing a year of working on cars or serving coffee to rich kids while Blaine finished High School. He only hoped they would both be moving to New York, together, in a year.

The one saving grace in all of this mess had been his amazing boyfriend, Blaine, because despite the fact that Kurt was devastated when he got the rejection letter from NYADA, he was thankful for the time they now had together. He even found himself thinking fondly of all the memories they would make while Blaine finished High School. And besides, there was always the community college to think about. He had options. If there was one thing Kurt Hummel knew how to do, it was pick himself up after rejection and move on. All his life people had been saying _no_ to him, telling him to change, to work harder to fit in, but Kurt never gave in and he wasn't going to start now.

They were pulling into the driveway when Kurt realized his father was pointing and smirking as he answered them in his booming voice, which Kurt knew meant he was impressed with himself. "If I'd told you it would have ruined the surprise."

Following his father's direction, Kurt turned to see that the front porch of his house was covered with people. Friends with their families, teachers that helped shape the last 4 years of their lives, neighbors. Basically everyone Kurt had ever known was there, grouped together. Members of the New Directions stood out most prominently, as everyone cheered and danced, ready to celebrate the end of an era.

Kurt fell out of his dad's suburban and turned, awestruck, to find Blaine waiting with an offered hand. His face shone like the setting sun, eyes bright and wide as he leaned forward to kiss Kurt's cheek."Sorry," He whispered, breath tickling Kurt's skin.

"You knew about this?" Kurt asked mockingly, catching Blaine's sweet smile before scanning the crowd of friends spreading out across the front yard, offering food and sharing excited chatter. He couldn't help the moment that passed through him then, like a flash of memories, a slideshow of another life. His life before the New Directions, before Glee Club and before Blaine. As he took in the scene before him, Kurt's heart soared and his eyes stung. Considering the way he'd started high school, he never would have believed this is how he would end it.

Kurt held tight to Blaine's hand and leaned in for a sweet kiss, smiling as they made their way up the lawn while Rachel squealed and ran into Finn's waiting arms.


	8. Faith - Forgotten (402-404)

**Faith / Forgotten (402/3/4)**

* * *

Kurt switched off the airplane mode on his phone as the plane circled the tarmac, slowing down as they reached the gates. The world outside his window looked like any other airport, but he knew the lights of Broadway were just waiting for him now. Just a few more steps and he could officially call himself a New Yorker. Smiling hugely and working hard to control his breathing, Kurt sent a text to his boyfriend.

_I can't believe I'm here  
_ _I can't believe I'm doing this_ -Kurt

_I know babe, you'll be fine. Amazing.  
Really Kurt, you got this.  
_ _Have you talked to Rachel yet? -_ Blaine

_No I want to surprise her -_ Kurt

_of course, I miss you already_ -Blaine

_And I you. There was an empty seat next to me on the flight, clearly meant for you.  
_ _I still can't believe we've never ridden on a plane together -_ Kurt

_Clearly. And We will, it's on our list -_ Blaine

_I love you -_ Kurt

_I love you too, Kurt. So much  
_ _Now go take The Big Apple by the balls  
_ _And call me later -_ Blaine

_Will do cutie_ _-_ Kurt

He sent the message and stood up to retrieve his bag from the overhead bin, turning to follow the crowd off the plane. As he stepped into the throngs of people at JFK, Kurt pulled from his pocket the map to the apartment he'd found in Bushwick where he could drop off his bags.

The nervous excitement grew inside him as he walked, this was it, he was here. He could finally call New York his home, or at least he could once his bed arrived. Not knowing how long it would take to get to the apartment and then to find Rachel, he stopped for fresh coffee before leaving the airport and expertly hailing his very first cab.

* * *

Back at McKinley, Blaine was spending the afternoon trying to teach Tina and Sam a simple, straightforward step sequence that they hadn't been able to handle in their last rehearsal. With the school year finally in full swing, Blaine found that he had too many free hours to fill now that Kurt was away. So he joined every club he cared a lick about, intent on filling every second of the day, while his nights were spent tethered on a line to the voice of the man he loved.

September passed in a whirlwind, with a shared excitement for all the new possibilities they were faced with, together. Blaine spent his days living out his acting dreams, filling the shoes of wizards, zombie killers, and superheros. Most nights he fell asleep while editing college applications, his body exhausted, his mind strained, but as October approached one thing became clear to him.

About a week after Kurt arrived in New York City he received an opportunity for an internship that suited him spectacularly. It was more than either of them had ever dared dream, but it came with a few drawbacks. Mainly that Kurt was no longer available to take calls, or answer texts, or apparently talk to his boyfriend at all.

The first time it happened was late on the day that the Halloween decorations appeared in the school corridors at McKinley. It was past midnight when Blaine closed his laptop, resigned to the fact that he'd really been stood up. He supposed it was just a video chat, he knew Kurt loved him and surely he would have a good reason for missing their scheduled date. Maybe he was stuck at work and his phone had died, maybe Rachel was having a panic attack in central park and Blaine would receive a frantic call in the morning asking for bail money.

Or maybe a subway had crashed, maybe Kurt had been mugged or attacked, maybe he was hurt. Maybe he was fine and with someone else and gone and maybe…

Blaine's nights were suddenly spent alone, trying to answer these questions, hoping for a reply but coming up disappointed.

_9pm, I'll be there -_ Kurt

_I can't wait  
_ _I love you_ \- Blaine

On a Monday morning in October in Ohio, Blaine left his house thinking that it was everything one would expect it to be, cold, windy and miserable. Certainly he was miserable. The last 4 texts he'd received from Kurt all said the same thing: _9pm, I'll be there_ \- and yet, he'd spent the last four nights at home, alone, staring at an empty screen. Hoping, for hours. Waiting - for nothing.

It had been homecoming weekend, he could have gone out with friends. He could have made plans. He could have been doing anything in the world except waiting around at home like a loser whose boyfriend didn't want to talk to him.

It hadn't escaped his notice that his _I love you_ texts were no longer met with a response of any kind, his sweet words were ignored. It bothered him more than he thought it should, but there were only a handful a reasons why Kurt wouldn't respond and really, they were all ridiculous. Blaine knew Kurt had read the messages, so ?..why?...What was he doing all day that he couldn't spare a moment to reply? How was he spending these nights while ignoring the man he loved?

Blaine's drive to school that day was nothing short of hostile and even though he knew he needed coffee, he sped passed the Lima Bean in a fit of rage. The first real, spoken, 'i love you' they had ever shared had been in that shop and now Kurt, his _boyfriend,_ had gone four whole days without speaking to him. Not a call, not a word.

* * *

Life in New York City never stopped, but Kurt was determined to adapt and thrive in his new home. So many dreams lay within his reach now that he really lived here and he knew he couldn't waste a single moment. After a weekend of settling into the apartment space with Rachel, he hit the streets in search of life's next step.

Most of his first days in the city were spent preparing for internship interviews, college admission performances and stage auditions. It was overwhelming in the best way and Kurt felt confident that his big break was just waiting around the next corner. With the constant voice of Blaine in his ear or smiling encouragingly through a laptop screen, the only thing that would have made Kurt happier was if his boyfriend were there too. But Blaine had another year of high school to finish and as he had said, Kurt was ready. This was his time and he had to meet it head on.

As it turned out, Blaine was right as always and Kurt got the very first internship he applied for. The one he wanted more than any other. Vogue had always been Kurt's go-to magazine and the prospect of working with the famous Isabelle Wright was equally exciting and intimidating.

At first it was easy to keep Blaine close, to keep him involved and to offer support, but as the days turned into weeks their conversations became strained. Even Blaine's texts seemed annoyed and these sullen dark moods were so at war with Kurt's intense elation with life that he felt distanced from the man he loved. Furthermore, Kurt quickly found himself working very late most days and having no energy left when he made it home. As he slumped, exhausted into bed he knew Blaine would understand him missing a few Skype dates in pursuit of his dreams.

The thing was, Kurt truly believed in his heart that they were solid. They loved each other, and he knew, despite their hopeful promises, this separation was always going to be hard. He thought they just needed time to get back in sync. Once things settled down, he would be able to take the time to talk to his boyfriend again. And really, he thought there was nothing to worry about anyway. Blaine had always been the one for him.

* * *

Blaine hadn't really thought he'd win senior class president, especially against second year senior Brittany, whom everyone loved. But more so he hadn't expected Kurt to completely forget, to ignore his texts, send his calls straight to voicemail. As he watched everyone celebrate around him, the loneliness he'd been fighting seemed to seep into his heart. He had no idea where Kurt was tonight, or what he was doing. Despite the promises they'd made to each other, Kurt clearly didn't care that Blaine had been elected.

It was coming to the point where Blaine wondered if Kurt really cared about him at all.

* * *

The first weekend in New York after all the leaves had changed, Kurt found himself floating through picturesque flea markets in the city of his dreams. He was still searching for pieces that would make a one room loft space into a functional home for himself and Rachel. When he saw a star the size of a marquee he reached for his phone and pressed the button to call Blaine. He knew he'd forgotten something important this week in the wake of late meetings with Vogue colleagues, but he couldn't remember what it was.

In truth Kurt was finding it hard to keep track of even the most trivial things, like his keys to the loft or the cord for his phone. He had never had so much to think about, so many meetings and events to plan. Not to mention all the schmoozing that was required of him at this crucial time. He was a new face, young and untested. But like Blaine had said, he was here to take life and New York City by the balls and nothing was going to stand in his way.

Blaine didn't answer his phone but Kurt thought nothing of it, perhaps he was in rehearsals. Mr. Schue would be running the New Directions ragged as he tried to asses new members and plan dance routines. Surely Blaine was just busy and hadn't noticed the call, it was nothing to worry about. They were solid, Kurt knew that and as Blaine's voicemail clicked on Kurt hung up, because he had spotted the perfect end table to go with his new couch and chairs.

* * *

For his first days in office, Blaine sat in policy meetings with a random group of kids from school that he'd never spoken to before. They were all snooty and uptight about their opinions, spewing rhetoric about issues like they knew what they were talking about. At first it seemed overwhelming, especially given the fact that he'd never been in student government before, both himself and Sam were clearly out of their depth.

However, it didn't take long for the friends to grow bored at these meetings, as it became clear that the group was all talk. They didn't even attempt to plan to get things done, they all just wanted to argue about serious politics as though their conclusions were not only well-informed but logical enough to make a real difference. Never mind the fact that this high school government club had no control over the real issues of a society they were only just starting to become a part of. It all seemed very silly to Blaine, and served as a reminder of just how young and foolish he felt stuck in Lima.

As October passed Blaine found it more difficult to fill his time without Kurt. Several of the clubs he joined had already dissolved, leaving Blaine to spend more and more time by himself, trying to avoid the loneliness. It was during one of those downtime's, sitting alone in the choir room with nowhere to go and nothing to do, that Blaine made the biggest mistake of his life.


	9. Failure (404)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (~Author's Note: This is my "headcanon" for what happened between Blaine and Eli C. in 4.04. This is based on the timeline of The Break Up and the flashback in Dynamic Duo's, as well as the character as presented by the writers... Thanks again to all those who follow and read this story. I have the next several chapters already written and ready so I will post them fast because this part of their relationship sucks. 
> 
> It's been years but writing this and reading/editing it still hurts my heart.)

**Failure (404)**

Blaine still couldn't think straight, everything seemed backwards and fractured. Currently, he was having issues even driving straight. He couldn't understand what was going on or even where was he going... Why was this happening? Why was he alone? Why hadn't Kurt called or answered him in days? Why did everything hurt so much?

He parked his car and approached the house. The only thought in his head was the nearly constant desire to speed up time in the hope of distracting himself from the crushing loneliness.

He barely knocked when the door flew open and a boy in a plaid shirt and jeans was staring at Blaine approvingly.

"Damn, you are sexy," the guy said. He motioned Blaine through the doorway pointing up a flight of stairs behind him. "Come on, my room's this way."

Something about that sentence meant something, Blaine knew that. But it didn't occur to him until he had entered the guy's bedroom that maybe he shouldn't have come here. Before he could move, before Blaine could register anything aside from the green walls and the empty bed, a mouth pressed hard against his. It was the wrong mouth, the boy tasted like cigarettes, beer and something else Blaine couldn't identify. There was nothing gentle about the kiss, it was harsh and impersonal in a way that Blaine had never imagined.

Without consideration, Blaine was kissing back. The sensations were all wrong, but their effect was the same and before he knew it the guy had expertly unbuttoned and unzipped the front of Blaine's pants, as well as his own. Then, Blaine's shirt was lifted over his head and they were falling. Blaine, eyes closed, felt his body sink into the mattress as the guy settled on top of him, the wrong mouth had only barely left his.

The guy wasn't a good kisser, in fact he was using more tongue than Blaine could stand, making it hard for Blaine to keep up. He focused instead on the hot shaft pressed flush against his cock, while trying to ignore the awkward hand. It was over before Blaine had time to consider much else.

Breathing heavily, the guy rolled off him. Grunted that he needed some water and got up, adjusting his pants as he left the room. Blaine adjusted, zipped his own pants and sat up on the edge of the bed as he pulled his shirt back on. His mind suddenly clear for the first time in days. His head dropped to his hands and he felt the loose curls at the edges of his hairline, suddenly flashing back to another time _(prom night, Kurt's hand's in his free hair). A_ weight settled, rough and heavy on his shoulders.

What had he just done? What the hell was he doing _here_ in this strange guys bedroom? On his bed? What had he been thinking? And most importantly, most unexpectedly, Blaine's head screamed _what now? What do I do now?_ He hadn't considered anything beyond this. Wasn't this little excursion supposed to make him feel better?

Over everything else, one word, one thing, the most important thing in the whole world covered his mind: **Kurt.**

This would break Kurt's heart. He was supposed to be Kurt's, all of him. His every kiss, every touch. Kurt would leave him for this...

A voice split Blaine's attention, jarring him. The wrong voice, "You okay?"

"No," Blaine said without thought, he was so far from okay.

"Is it because I don't look at all like my profile picture?" There was laughter in the guy's voice, he was trying to make a joke. Blaine's stomach lurched, he was going to vomit, or cry, or both. He had to get out of here.

"I'm sorry, I have to go," he said, gathering up the jacket he'd forgotten he brought. Rushing, head bowed, out of the strange house and back to his car. Realizing as he hit the accelerator that he'd never even removed his shoes.

He drove three blocks before he found a suitable place to pull over. There was nothing in his stomach to throw up, but all the same he gagged as he cried.


	10. Reality (like a punch in the face) - 404

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (((Two days after Blaine's visit to NYC in 4.04 and the subsequent break-up with Kurt, Blaine returns home from school to find a package that Kurt sent before everything fell apart ... this is the story of the contents of that package...)))

** Reality (404) **

It had been two days since Blaine returned to Ohio after his fateful trip to NYC to break the heart of the only person who gave a damn about him. He remembered the previous week, feeling lonely and left behind was nothing compared to how he felt now - dirty, wrong, horrid and alone – truly alone. He'd lost his boyfriend, his Kurt, and for what? A few kisses that felt and tasted and lingered all wrong and an awkward hand job that was too dry, too rough and harsh and not at all satisfying.

The package was waiting on his bed when he entered his room. His bag hit the ground with a thud of books, contests spilling and rolling across the floor, disappearing under his bed. Blaine's hands were shaking, his knees were shaking, he was pretty sure his teeth were shaking as he took the box in both hands and read the return address _Kurt Hummel, Bushwick, NYC._

He felt the wetness on his cheeks before he realized he was crying and then he was choking on air, hugging the box to his chest while he melted onto the floor against his bed. He didn't know how long it took before he was able to make his way to his desk and fish out a pair of scissors to break the hard seal of tape wrapped securely around the box.

Inside were three bowties, one with the Manhattan skyline printed across it in various shades of blue. One a simple red and white and the third an elegant purple silk with gold stitches. Along with a shiny off-white business card printed for _Kurt Hummel, Intern, VOGUE_ in elegant script, there was also a folded letter written carefully in Kurt's neat hand.

_My dearest Blaine –_  
_Just dropping a line to tell you that I miss you more than words can say and I love you and I miss your face and your hair and your hands and just your everything all the time. You're always in my thoughts, babe. Also, one of the bowties *may* have been nicked – with Isabel's permission – from the master closet at Vogue (aka, heaven on earth) I wonder if you can guess which one?_

_I'm sitting at the park across the street from our building in Bushwick, wishing you were here with me. I can hardly wait for you to come visit in a few weeks, there's so much I want to show you of this amazing city that will one day be ours. Ours together._

_Yesterday, I saw a boy wearing that blue pea coat you got from H &M last year. I was on 5_ _th_ _avenue having lunch with some people from work and I stole the sugar packets from the restaurant for you, because I felt like you were with me even though you're states away… It sucks being away from you._

_There's so much that I can't wait to do with you in NYC. I want to experience Central Park at dawn with you by my side. I want to ride the subway with your hand in mine and I want to walk through Times Square and eat in Chinatown and Little Italy. Then I want to take you back to my apartment and make love to you. (We can lock Rachel out. It'll be so nice not to have to listen for a door or garage or parents or brothers!)_

_Then, I want us to sit on this very bench while we watch the sunset over downtown Manhattan and I kiss you senseless because I miss kissing you. In fact we may just spend your entire weekend here kissing so that I can memorize every perfect detail._

_Anyway, hope you like the bowties and my fancy personal business card, which makes me feel very adult or something; I thought you might like one for your wallet. I love you so much Blaine, keep my heart safe in Ohio. I've left it with you._

_Yours, forever -_  
_Kurt_

By the end of the letter, Blaine was doubled over the back of his desk chair, clutching to the wood till his knuckles were white and sore. Crying in earnest, he watched as Kurt's words blurred on the page. He wasn't sure who was screaming until he felt the sound in his own throat. The next thing Blaine knew he was crumbled on his bedroom floor, his legs bent awkwardly beneath him as the sobs broke free, loud and echoing around the room.

Reality.

Reality was the empty bed behind him where he and Kurt had first made love. Reality was the ringing silence of his cell on the table, the dream of Kurt's smile featured on the main screen; the picture taken mere minutes prior to the moment when Blaine's first visit to NYC had become a nightmare. Reality was the pain that shot across Kurt's face when Blaine blurted out the truth, reality was Kurt's tears, reality was Blaine's fault.

His mouth still tasted sour, both from the words he had to say and the words he wished he'd never said, wished he could take back. The idiot words he'd spat at Kurt to try to justify his mistake, as if Blaine's weakness, his selfishness, his neediness was Kurt's fault. Those memories made his head ache whenever he thought about it, his desperate attempts to talk his way out of the inevitable.

Reality was that Kurt hadn't been leaving, before. Reality had been all the things they'd promised. Reality was that Blaine had broken Kurt's heart with his foolish actions. Reality was that Kurt was gone and Blaine only had himself to blame.

Even after the dozen shower's he's taken since leaving the bed of another man, everything smelled wrong. Even his hair gel was sickening where it was usually so sweet. His body felt awkward, like his very skin was stained with the guilt and shame of his actions. His lips tasted like poison, a reminder of the last time Kurt would ever kiss him.

Later that night it occurred to him, worse than every other thought, that someday someone else would be allowed to kiss Kurt and reach for him and have Kurt and be with Kurt and love Kurt. All because Blaine had let them have him. He let go of the most precious thing in his life the second he allowed some stranger to touch him, kiss him. He felt like he traded a bag of gold for a lump of coal and he couldn't for the life of him remember why the coal had seemed like a good option in the first place. The thought made bile rise in his throat again though his stomach remained empty and for the sixth night in a row, he was unable to


	11. Ending (405)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: This piece is written as a missing performance, a Mash-up of "Cry Me A River" By Justin Timberlake (performed by Kurt) and "Gone" By Nsync (performed by Blaine)- in my mind this should have happened at the beginning of episode 405, immediately following The Break-Up (this is a shameless addition, as I wanted more Klaine duet's and this fits so well that IT SHOULD HAVE HAPPENED DAMMIT. ) *cough* sorry... enjoy! And thanks for reading, I can't wait to share more!

** Ending (405) **

 

The day had been long and as Kurt made to leave his internship his phone rang from his pocket, playing a generic ring tone from an unknown number. It wasn't really unknown to Kurt, but the contact had been removed several days ago in the wake of emotional misery. He wished Blaine would stop calling, stop apologizing for something he choose to do. Ignoring the call, Kurt put on his headphones and scrolled through to the song that had been in his head all day. As he hit the busy streets of the city he loved, he imagined himself singing, channeling all his conflicting emotions into belting out the notes.

(Kurt)  
 _You were my sun_  
 _You were my earth_  
 _But you didn't know all the ways I loved you, no_  
 _So you took a chance_  
 _And made other plans_  
 _But I bet you didn't think that they would come crashing down, no_

Blaine stood stark still in the empty hallway of McKinley High, tears stinging his eyes at the sound of Kurt's voicemail, which he'd heard countless times recently. The weight of his mistake seemed to envelop his heart to the point where he couldn't breathe around it. He had broken the heart of the man he loved, and by default his own as well. The world around him was dismal and gray, despite the glaring sun streaming in from the double doors. With a resigned sigh he hastened to his car and as the radio clicked on a song blared through the speakers. The lyrics settled deep in the hollow of his heart.

(Blaine)  
 _There's a thousand words that I would say  
_ _To make you come home  
_ _Seems so long ago you walked away  
_ _Left me alone  
_ _If I could just find a way  
_ _To make it so that you were right here  
_ _right now.._

Kurt decided to forgo the subway, enjoying the crisp fall air and the isolation of the moving crowd. At first he was stomping his feet to the rhythm of the song he had on repeat, anger pulsing through him at Blaine's call, at the reminder of what had happened. They had promised the world to each other, planned a future together. Yet, it seemed, Blaine hadn't meant any of it. Getting off had taken precedence. Some other guy had laid his hands on the boy Kurt loved, thus ruining everything. Blaine didn't deserve forgiveness for the years of lies and he deserved it even less for the tryst.

(Kurt)  
 _You told me you loved me  
_ _Why did you leave me, all alone  
_ _Now you tell me you need me  
_ _When you call me, on the phone  
_ _Boy I refuse, you must have me confused  
_ _With some other guy  
_ _Your bridges were burned, and now it's your turn  
_ _To cry, cry me a river  
_ _Cry me a river-er  
_ _Cry me a river  
_ _Cry me a river-er, yea yea_

Driving home took Blaine more time than usual, he had to stop once when his weeping turned to sobbing and he needed to collect himself before he could drive safely. He remembered the drive to that boys house, the drive he never should have made and his stomach flipped, causing him to retch out the door. Breathing heavily he fished an old CD out of the center console, seeking the song that had been on the radio.

(Blaine)  
 _I've been sitting here  
_ _Can't get you off my mind  
_ _I've tried my best to be a man and be strong  
_ _I've drove myself insane  
_ _Wishing I could touch your face  
_ _But the truth remains.._

As Kurt entered Battery Park his anger peaked, the scene of Blaine's admission seemed to flash through his eyes and he thought of singing the song at his ex. Before that day Kurt had believed Blaine would be the last person in the world who would ever hurt him. He had never been more wrong.

(Kurt)  
 _You don't have to say, what you did,  
_ _(I already know, uh)  
_ _Now there's just no chance, for you and me, there'll never be  
_ _And don't it make you sad about it_

Hiccuping slightly, Blaine started the car again, singing out loud through the tears.

(Blaine)  
 _You're Gone_

The angrier Kurt got the louder the city seemed to grow around him, till he could find the beat of the drums in the patter of feet on concrete. The guitar course in the honking cars and the bass-line in the voices of the people he passed, he felt that the whole of New York was singing with him.

(Kurt)  
 _The damage is done  
_ _So I guess I be leaving  
_ _Oh_

(Blaine)  
 _(Oh)  
_ _Yeah...  
_ _You're gone.._

(Kurt)  
 _The damage is done  
_ _So I guess I be leaving  
_ _Oh_

(Blaine)  
 _(Oh)  
_ _You're gone..  
_ _You're gone_

(Kurt)  
 _The damage is done  
_ _So I guess I be leaving  
_ _Oh_

(Blaine)  
 _(Oh)  
_ _You're gone...you're gone.. you're...  
_ _Gone_

(Kurt)  
 _The damage is done  
_ _So I guess I be... leaving_

Blaine found that singing seemed to control his crying, through the tears still traced patterns down his cheeks. He knew he'd made a mistake, he expected Kurt to be upset with him, to yell perhaps but the silent treatment was something he didn't know how to handle. According to Kurt's brother, they were very much broken-up, but Kurt hadn't bothered to tell Blaine that. In fact he hadn't spoken more than two words to Blaine since they'd left Battery Park and it seemed that was not likely to change anytime soon. He wondered as he turned a corner, if there was anything he could do to make this right, and as he thought it, he knew there wasn't. Not only had he been with another guy, he'd made the fatal error of blaming Kurt for what he'd done. Still he racked his brain for some means of salvaging the situation, some miracle that would convince Kurt to forgive his most grievous lapse of judgement.

(Blaine)  
 _I don't wanna make excuses, baby  
_ _Won't change the fact that you're gone  
_ _But if there's something that I could do  
_ _Won't you please let me know?  
_ _The time is passing so slowly now  
_ _Guess that's my life without you  
_ _and maybe I could change my every day  
_ _But baby I don't want to_

_So I'll just hang around_  
_and find some things to do_  
_To take my mind off missing you_  
_and I know in my heart_  
_You can't say that you don't love me too  
_ _Please say you do_

Kurt slowed as he exited the park and the city settled around him, though his anger was still hot in his chest. No amount of excuses, nor declarations of love could change the facts. Blaine was a liar and a cheat.

Blaine hit the brake hard when he turned into the subdivision that contained his parents house, wishing for a sign, some small indication that Kurt still cared for him. But none was forthcoming.

(Kurt/Blaine)

_Cry me a river  
_ _(Baby go on and just)  
_ _Cry me a river-er_ _/_ _You're gone..  
_ _(Go on and just)  
_ _Cry me a river  
_ _(Cause I've already cried)_

_Cry me a river-er, yea yea /_ _You're gone  
_ _(Ain't gonna cry no more, yea-yea)_  
_You're gone_  
_Cry me a river  
_ _Cry me a river, oh_

_You're gone  
_ _Gone_

Cry me a river, oh

You're gone..

Cry me a river, oh

But the truth remains   
You're...

Cry me a river, oh  
(Cry me, cry me)


	12. 33% (404-408)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Authors Note: based on the time-line (LOL what time-line?) of season 4/5, I believe that "the break-up" which aired on October 4th, actually happened on October 19th. This is based on comments made by Rachel about how long Finn had been gone, as well as the implied amount of time Kurt has been in NYC... this piece occurs during 4.04-4.08 & accompanies multiple other chapters ... thanks for reading, love to hear from you!

**33% (404-408)**

The first package returned less than a week after Blaine had sent it. The scarf still folded neatly across the bottom with the _Gilmore Girls_ boxset on top, unopened. The only notable absence was the letter Blaine had written to Kurt.

This became the norm, every box Blaine sent came back to him, a large red stamp: **RETURN TO SENDER** plastered across the hastily re-tapped and crumbling cardboard. Leaving Blaine with nothing to dwell on but his own words and a million lingering questions.

Had Kurt read the letters? Torn them to pieces? Burned them? Had he kept them? If so, why? Perhaps he carried the folded pages in his wallet? Or were they crumbled at the bottom of a wastebasket? Stashed in Kurt's memory box with all the other letters Blaine had ever written to him? Did Kurt still love him, as he had always promised? Or was this the goodbye they'd never say?

* * *

Kurt didn't know why he'd even bothered to open the first box when it arrived, let alone all twenty boxes that he'd received and returned in the month since the break up. He didn't want to see Blaine's name or Blaine's gifts or Blaine's handwriting or Blaine's stupid face in his head. He couldn't think about it, and yet, he couldn't _stop_ thinking about it. _His Blaine_ being with _some other guy._ A guy who always looked just like Sebastian in Kurt's head, no matter how adamantly Blaine denied it. It made his stomach hurt in the worst way, made it impossible to eat. He worried that he was warring out his DVD of The Notebook. Not to mention severely depleting his supply of Ambien.

Still, there was a part of Kurt that couldn't send the letters back, couldn't resist keeping them. In the beginning he used the letters as a lifeline. Reading them like a love story about someone else, in a vain hope to return to a past that wasn't shadowed with heartache and betrayal.

* * *

**(Letter #1) October 20, 2012**  
_My Dearest, my true love, my Kurt:_

_I don't know how to begin_ _, I've spent the three hours since I got home trying to find the right words, but... I cannot begin to express how much I regret what I did. I'm sorry that I ever doubted us, Kurt. I'm so sorry for questioning your love for me and my love for you and what we have, and just, everything. I regret my doubts, Kurt. But more-so, I despise my actions. I cannot live with the fact that I've hurt you. Please know that this was never what I wanted and I'm so very sorry._

_I can only try to explain..._

_I should start at the beginning, at Dalton, when we met I was immediately attracted to you. I know you know that now, but you were and still are the most gorgeous man I have ever seen. Sometimes it actually hurts my heart to realize how beautiful you are, Kurt._

_Our friendship happened so naturally, which was strange for me because, as you know, I don't really have close friends. The guys at Dalton were great, but they weren't friends like the New Directions, they weren't friends like you. When you transferred to Dalton I was so happy to have you there. You are like a glowing force that makes everyone around you want to be better, not for other people but for themselves. Then the more time I spent with you, the more I liked you. I remember just knowing that I wanted to be around you as much as I possibly could. Then my attraction to you grew stronger; especially as you became more confident at Dalton, safely away from McKinley and that meathead._

_However, I wanted to stay your friend because I didn't believe in love as you did. You believe in old Hollywood romance, epic Broadway style true love, destiny and all that. But I had never considered the possibility, a gay kid in Ohio? Falling in love? No. I expected to be used and heartbroken and alone for years, I expected to move out of Ohio before anything real happened. I expected to graduate from Dalton... but then, there was you._

_When I fell in love with you Kurt, I fell hard. Really hard. Like roadrunner throwing an anvil on the coyote's head- hard. Like the Hulk falling through a brick building. I had never imagined such a thing happened in real life, until I looked up and saw you, really saw you for the first time. I may as well have been blind before that moment, when I heard you sing Blackbird and the lights came on._

_We had coffee together that day after school and you let me hold your hand. You were so upset about Pavarotti but you had no idea... I almost kissed you then and there. But there were too many people, and before, I had thought it was about the spectacle of it. The announcement, being able to say to the world "I have a boyfriend!" With you, it was always about us, just us. You and me. I didn't care, or even consider what anyone else would think or say. I just knew I wanted to be with you and it only really mattered to me that you knew that. Plus, I kind of had my heart set on singing with you at Regional's by then._

_But more than anything, I wanted to do it right. For you, for us. And by some miracle, you loved me back, you_ _kissed_ _me back, you wanted me back, Kurt. Please believe me when I tell you that every day I spent with you,_ _as yours,_ _was the best day of my life._

_God Kurt! I can't believe I screwed up so badly! Please Kurt,_ _you_ _are all I want. When you left, I felt like the whole thing had been a dream or something but it wasn't, it was real. You are real, our love is real, Kurt! I can't stand myself for hurting you. I felt like I wasn't a part of your life anymore and I don't know why I didn't just, I mean, I think... I cannot believe I did this. I belong with you Kurt._ _We belong together._ _I don't know how to live without you and I don't want to, I want what we had. I never wanted to be without you. I just want you back, you are my heart Kurt. Please forgive me, I don't know what I was thinking... I love you, forever. Always. I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry Kurt._

_All my love, all my heart, all my life  
yours forever, _ _**Blaine** _

* * *

In truth, Kurt read every letter many times, the crumbled pages remained pressed together in a folder that fit perfectly in the drawer of his nightstand. By Thanksgiving the letters were worn, full of blurred words and tear-stains, coffee mug rings across the dates and hasty fold creases overlapping each other. The edges bent, dog-eared and fraying but still, he kept them. And he read them.

He was careful never to remove any of the letters from his curtained bedroom. He refused to openly discuss Blaine with Rachel after she had found a new euphoric freedom in dating Brody; as though she hadn't been engaged to Finn mere months ago. It made Kurt uncomfortable and sick to his stomach to see Rachel move on so quickly. Sometimes he imagined Blaine moving on, acting like that, _being with_ some other guy so easily. It was no wonder he was having such trouble sleeping.

Kurt tried to make himself hate Blaine for cheating and lying and then, for telling the truth. He tried to convince himself it had all been a dream, like before when he'd made up the whole thing in his head. He even tried to find a way to forget Blaine existed at all, in a vain hope to make his heart stop hurting with every beat in took. Nevertheless, it was all no use.

So, he made himself busier than ever. Staying late at the office, running extra errands, taking the longest ways home, exploring his dream city. Often Kurt caught himself reaching for his phone, his finger already on Blaine's speed-dial before he remembered. They weren't together anymore because Blaine had cheated on him. Blaine had _been with_ someone else. Afterward he'd have to retreat to a private corner or a hidden bench to sob until his fingers pruned and his throat ached above the hollow in his chest. To Kurt, it felt like all the oxygen in the world had been expelled, used or perhaps Blaine had just taken all of it back to Ohio after he'd left the pieces of Kurt's heart in Battery Park.

And yet, Kurt read the letters, and then he read them again. Usually the first thing he did when he got home was yank the folder out of his drawer or from underneath his pillow, fully intent that today would be the day he would destroy them all and let go of the boy who had cheated on him. But every day he just ended up reading Blaine's declarations of love, devotion and his continuous apologies to Kurt, pretending the words were true or that he could trust them.

* * *

(Letter #4) October 23, 2012  
_To the Love of my Life, Kurt E. Hummel:_

_Last night I dreamed of the last time I kissed you. Before everything unraveled & I broke your heart. We were in the doorway to your loft. The bouquet of roses that you would later throw out pressed between us and Rachel was hugging me before I'd had my fill of you._

_But that kiss, Kurt, that kiss was like the first breath of oxygen when you've stayed under water for too long. My whole body was suddenly awake, alive in the way that I'd forgotten about in your absence. I have always known you had a strong effect on me, but in my misery, I'd forgotten... I'd convinced myself during those hours by myself that I had been naive to believe we were special. That what we shared was something truly unique and that no one else could ever make me feel the way you do. I know now that I was wrong, about all of it. I knew it immediately after I made that terrible mistake and I would do anything to take back my actions from that day._

_I..._

_The first time I kissed you, I was so nervous. I remember being convinced that if it happened, if you let me kiss you at all, it would only happen once. Surely, you would prefer to practice for Regional's, regardless of the fact that I probably wouldn't have been able to sing at all, breathless as I was around you then. But you kissed me back, again and again. You reached for me and I all but melted, I was completely head over heels for you. Already._

_The last time you kissed me was in the cab on the way to Callbacks, and I froze against you. We had never kissed in a public place that was so crowded, so teaming with life. But you just giggled, your breath tickled my cheek as you reminded me "this is New York, Blaine. We're safe here." And then you kissed me, again so sweet and simply that I almost broke down crying right there. When you pulled away you were smiling that big flushed smile that stretches all the way to your ears. My heart twisted in my chest at that moment, because I knew you would never smile at me like that ever again and I don't want to live the rest of my life without that smile._

_I'm so sorry Kurt, please believe me. I love you with all my heart. Please forgive me, I miss my boyfriend and I miss my best friend… I miss everything about you all the time. Please give me another chance; please let me make this right…_

_I love you, always_  
**_Blaine_ **

* * *

It was two weeks before Kurt really considered calling Blaine. Part of him wanted nothing more than for them to work this out and get back together. He missed Blaine, his boyfriend almost as much as he missed Blaine, his best friend. He had never imagined they would break-up at all and Kurt wasn't finding life without Blaine all that much to his liking. However, the other part of him, the hollow point in his chest that used to contain his heart, never wanted to hear from Blaine ever again. And yet, he read the letters.

In the end, he didn't have to call Blaine at all to know what he was up to. Tina hadn't faltered at all with her responsibilities as McKinley's number one gossip and thus far, Kurt remained update-to-date on the goings on at his former high school. He suspected Tina often put a slight emphasis on pointing out Blaine in her messages to Kurt. Never-the-less, he appreciated knowing about _Grease_ , as Blaine hadn't mentioned it or the fact that he was playing _Teen Angel_ (and not the lead?) in any of his letters. Kurt wasn't sure why that bothered him.

* * *

(Letter #17) November 10th 2012  
_My Dearest Love, Kurt:_

_The hours drag by without you, nothing seems real anymore. My dreams are mixing with reality and it's like I'm living through a terrible nightmare where you don't exist. And when you do exist, your eyes are cold and angry as they were when I saw you backstage at Grease... I can't get that look out of my head, it was like you couldn't stand the sight of me. I feel like I'm a terrible person for breaking your heart and ruining everything we had and it makes me certain that you hate me, and that you are right to. There was a time when you were proud to be with me…_

_I feel like I'm floating, an abandoned ship lost at sea without my star to guild me home._

_I've spent these weeks apart trying to piece together the days that led up to me making the biggest mistake of my life. I cannot believe how completely I've ruined everything we spent two years building together with a such selfish mistake. It's the biggest regret of my life, Kurt._

_The more you grew into New York, the further you seemed to pull away from me and I didn't know how to handle it. The loneliness was worse than I had ever thought it would be, so much worse than I could have prepared for. It was stupid to try to prepare for it at all. I should have spent every moment I could have with you while you were still here! I know now how much worse it can get, I had no idea what being alone really was until I'd already lost you. Until after I'd done the one thing that would drive you as far away from me as possible._

_Please believe that I never meant to take advantage of the trust you gave me. I wish you would let me explain in person what really happened._ _I want us to get past this. I need us to get past this, Kurt. I believe our love is strong enough & I pray someday you'll give me a second chance._

_I know that I've apologized a million times and the word probably means nothing to you now, coming from me, but I will never stop being sorry for what I did. I'm sorry for being so shortsighted that I didn't see the meaning of my actions until it was too late. I'm sorry for the severe lapse in judgement that led to my mistake. I'm sorry for the four simple words that broke both our hearts._

_I'm also sorry I tried to talk my way out of it, because I knew you would leave me for hooking up with another guy. Please know that I regret the things I said to you, it was not your fault I screwed up. I had been so foolish, and in my desperation, I was grasping at straws. It happened so quickly and the only thing it changed, in the end, was the way you look at me._

_Furthermore, the fact that we had only ever been with each other was extraordinarily special. I cannot fathom how I forgot that. I only know how I felt and that I was wrong, and that I love you with all my heart._

_I hope you don't return this gift like the others. I found this vintage Marc Jacobs' coat at a thrift shop the other day while I was out with Tina and Marley and I had to get it for you. As I'm sure you would agree, there was no choice, though Tina tried to claim it for herself. I explained that it belongs with its rightful owner and in due course, she conceded._

_I wonder if you're even reading my letters at all. I hope that you are. I hope that you are reading this and that you know I'm thinking of you and missing you every second of every day. I hope you know that I love you, Kurt, more than anything. Even if you never give me another chance, I will still love you as I promised. I'm sorry I've given you a reason to doubt us. I love you._

_Yours, forever and always  
_ **_Blaine_ **

_P.S. if this box does come back, I promise I will hold onto your coat until you want it..._

* * *

Tuesday, November 13, 2012: **(Kurt)**  
Kurt drops off the package containing the Marc Jacobs' coat at the post office and immediately upon leaving, sends the text to Blaine. Really, if he can give up something as beautiful as that coat, he can give up on some bogus idea of _true love_. He'd drafted the message at least a dozen times and like the rest of it, he's tired of thinking about it. It's a new Monday, a new week, time for Kurt to follow is own dreams and focus on getting into NYADA. With sure steps, Kurt pocketed his phone as he descended the stairs to the subway that would take him into work in Manhattan and he couldn't deny that that made him truly happy.

* * *

Friday, November 16, 2012: **(Blaine)**  
While the coat does come back, it's been expertly refolded by someone who clearly loved it. Furthermore, the collar smelled of Kurt's colleague and a single strand of his thick light hair told Blaine that Kurt had tried it on, at the very least. In addition, stuffed in the front pocket was a small page from a Vogue office pad. The note, which was addressed to Tina said: HANDS OFF BITCH! With a thick sob, Blaine tucked the note back in the pocket and hung the coat carefully in his closet next to his new Dalton blazer.

* * *

(Letter #19) November 18th 2012  
_My_ _Dear Kurt,_

_I received a text message from you this week, the first in nearly a month. You asked me to stop contacting you, you said "what's done is done."_

… _I almost transferred back to Dalton this week, being at McKinley without you is so hard. Everything about McKinley reminds me of you all the time and I felt like, it wouldn't really matter. But our friends stopped me, made me remember the last time I let myself believe the real things didn't really matter. Without you, Kurt, it's hard to remember that anything matters at all._

_I'm sorry, Kurt... I can't give up on us, I just can't. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. You are my soul mate, the love of my life and I can't let that go, I can't give up. You are my heart Kurt, my whole life, you are the sun and without you my life is cold and dark._

_I know I screwed up, so much. I broke your heart and your trust. I cheated on you, as you said. I've been trying so hard to avoid that word, I never thought I would be a cheater. When it happened I was so lost inside my own head that I was hardly aware of what I was doing. I just didn't want to feel so alone anymore and all I did was magnify the situation. All I did was hurt the most important person in my life. All it did was make the loneliness worse, because the way I felt before is nothing compared to the way I feel now._

_Sam says that my mistake doesn't make me a bad person, but I don't see how that's true. What else could it possibly mean? I feel like a bad person. I feel like I never deserved your love at all. Like I took something perfect away from you, away from both of us, and I fear that the best years of my life are over now. The years I got to have with you. I will cherish them forever, and I swear I will never stop trying to get you back._

_This week is Thanksgiving and Sectional's. I'm really hoping we manage to win because I don't think Finn can handle the disappointment if we don't. You would be beside yourself with rage if you saw the set-list through. I don't know what he was thinking having a show choir perform 'Ganghum Style'. I have a bad feeling that this whole competition is going to blow up in our faces, I just don't feel like the new New Directions are ready yet. Maybe I'm a terrible leader after all…_

_Anyway, I miss you more than I can say and I'm sorry for all the pain I have caused you. I'll wait as long as I have to, but we're not done Kurt. I believe in us._

_I love you_  
yours forever, obviously and regardless,  
**_Blaine_ **

* * *

For some six weeks after the break-up, Kurt returned every package he received from Blaine. Only keeping the letters, most of the gifts were left untouched, but the two mix CD's Blaine made came back in distinctly Rachel-esq pieces. Until Thanksgiving.

The twenty-first box had arrived when Kurt was still at work and Rachel had put it on his bed with a sticky note containing a happy face and the words RETURN TO SENDER in her loopy, over-excited handwriting. Exhausted, Kurt moved the box to his nightstand before dropping his bag on the floor and falling into his bed, kicking his shoes off and burying his face in his pillows. He didn't want to cry about this anymore, he didn't want to think about Blaine anymore at all. He didn't want to feel a sense of giddy anticipation to open the box and read another letter from a boy who couldn't be trusted, but he did. And the conversation he'd had with Isabel before leaving Vogue over an hour ago seemed to be playing on a loop in his head.

" _Sometimes it's the not forgiving that holds us back."_

Stubbornly, Kurt knew, he didn't want to forgive Blaine, and why should he? Blaine was just a stupid, idiot cheater who cheated and broke his heart. Kurt didn't deserve that, maybe he'd been a little preoccupied with everything going on but he'd never done anything that would logically send Blaine into the arms of another man, a stranger.

There was more though, something that Kurt hated to admit started from one of Blaine's letters, he missed his best friend. Rachel was fine for the most part, but she wasn't his _best friend_ , she wasn't Blaine. She would never understand him like Blaine did. Aside from everything else, because all their marvelous plans and high reaching romantic dreams of their lives together had blown away in the breath of four words. Four simple words from Blaine's mouth that seemed plastered to Kurt's eyelids. Everywhere he looked, _I was with someone_. Everything he felt, _I was with someone._

_Blaine was with someone_ _else_ _._

Still, Kurt wanted to talk to his best friend, despite his anger with Blaine. When he really let himself think about, he knew that Blaine was truly sorry for what he did. He knew that he'd never meant to hurt Kurt, and in the tiny moments when he believed the letters, he knew that Blaine still loved him, missed him, wanted the life they had planned, together. He knew it hadn't been a lie from the start, they really had had True Love.

While Kurt wasn't certain he'd ever be able to be _with_ Blaine again, not that he could truly picture being with anyone else either; he couldn't imagine going the rest of his life without ever speaking to his best friend again. He fell asleep the night before Thanksgiving, still half dressed, weighing the pros and cons of calling Blaine in his head like jumping sheep. That night he dreamed of Blaine and when he woke in tears he knew there wasn't an option anymore. It was time.

He spent the day off cooking with Rachel and Broody, so much for her _"you're the only significant other I need"_ nonsense. But it was happier with Broody there, at least Kurt wouldn't have to keep Rachel occupied on his own. When a knock on the door brought with it an Isabel Wright approved party of epic New York style, the loft was suddenly overrun with music, dancing and some of the most fabulous people Kurt had ever met. The orphan Thanksgiving was in full swing. Kurt hadn't dared to dream it would actually happen and when Isabel showed up, the room exploded in song. Even Broody agreed it was the best Thanksgiving ever.

When he stepped out onto the fire escape with his phone already in hand, he noticed the time and figured Blaine might not answer anyway. The New Directions should be performing right around now. Taking a seat on the steps, Kurt took three deep breaths, staring at Blaine's number on the screen as he pressed dial. The line rang three times before Blaine's voice answered with a clearly shaken, _"Hello?"_


	13. Nowhere and Nothing (405)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nowhere and Nothing (405 - Blaine POV) --- This piece is written as a missing performance of "Impossible" by James Arthur. This would be take place after the events of the Break-Up but before Blaine's audition for Grease. This scene also references the chapter titled 33% - This is a shameless addition on my part, as this chapter is written purely for the fact that I need Darren to cover this song.

 

* * *

****Nowhere and Nothing (4.05)** **

It had been a week since Kurt had spoken to him, seven whole days since Kurt had taken Blaine's calls. The same amount of time since he had left New York in a state of deepest loathing for himself. The hurt on Kurt's face as he'd ushered Blaine from the apartment the morning after he'd arrived had been answer enough. He knew Kurt hated him now, he knew Kurt regretted everything that had ever happened between them because of Blaine's unforgivable misstep.

As Mike had put it, _how would he, Blaine, have reacted if Kurt had been with some other guy in New York? How was that ever supposed to be a thing that was okay?_ He felt that even at the time, he knew it wasn't a decision he'd never be able to live with. But he still did it. He hadn't loved that guy, hadn't even wanted him, but Blaine had let him ruin everything.

Sitting at the piano in the dim, quiet auditorium, Blaine ignored his rumbling stomach in favor of spending his lunch hour alone with the keys, playing his heart out.

_I remember years ago_  
_Someone told me I should take_  
_Caution when it comes to love  
_ _I did_

_And you were strong and I was not_  
_My illusion, my mistake_  
_I was careless, I forgot  
_ _I did_

_And now when all is done_  
_There is nothing to say_  
_You have gone and so effortlessly_  
_You have won  
_ _You can go ahead tell them_

The majority of his friends were of little help to him. They hardly noticed him when he wasn't singing to them and he hadn't been able to perform for anyone since he got back. He'd kept his performances to fantasies as of late, missing Kurt with every word and wishing he could find a way to change what he had done.

Tina kept insisting that Kurt was being an idiot, which Blaine didn't appreciate because he was the idiot, the fault his own. Brittany said they would find their way back, that Santana said time apart was necessary. But she was eyeing Sam in the way that made Blaine think she didn't mean it. The younger kids didn't understand, they didn't know Kurt. They loved Blaine enough to believe he could do no wrong, but he had. He had been very very wrong.

_Tell them all I know now_  
_Shout it from the rooftops_  
_Write it on the sky line  
_ _All we had is gone now_

_Tell them I was happy_  
_And my heart is broken_  
_All my scars are open_  
_Tell them what I hoped would be_  
_Impossible, impossible  
_ _Impossible, impossible_

With every note he played Blaine felt the tears trail down his cheeks, felt his heart contract painfully as his mind raced. He'd sent letters, cards, gifts and enough flowers that he'd been added to the frequent users club, and yet nothing. Kurt refused to speak to him, Rachel treated his calls as a great annoyance to her. Telling him that she would not pass on any messages while slipping in snide comments about how despicable she thought he was.

He never thought he'd lose his two best friends, never imagined a scenario that would exclude him from their closeted of groups. It reminded him of Dalton, where the Warblers had agreed to an attack meant for Kurt, one that had nearly cost Blaine his eye. He had believed them to be his friends, he trusted their devotion to the club and while he knew they would resent his leaving to join the New Directions, they all knew his reasons for the transfer.

Sometime he still missed Dalton, the prep school had been his safe haven, and he was widely loved by his peers. The only person who'd ever questioned his position as defacto lead of the Warblers was Kurt.

_Falling out of love is hard_  
_Falling for betrayal is worse_  
_Broken trust and broken hearts  
_ _I know, I know..._

_Thinking all you need is there_  
_Building faith on love and words_  
_Empty promises will wear  
_ _I know, I know…_

_And now when all is done_  
_There is nothing to say_  
_And if you're done with embarrassing me  
_ _On your own you can go ahead tell them_

He knew everyone expected him to audition for the lead of the school musical this year, he'd refrained the year before out of respect for the boy he loved. But this was his senior year, by all rights he should play Danny Zuko, but he didn't want to. He didn't want to sing about all the love and romance he'd thrown away. He didn't want to devote hours of his time to pretending to fall in love with some girl he barely knew and more than anything, he didn't want to kiss anyone. His last kiss had been from Kurt and he intended to keep it that way for as long as possible.

_Tell them all I know now_  
_Shout it from the rooftops_  
_Write it on the sky line  
_ _All we had is gone now_

Blaine was trying to work out everything that had happened, from the moment of the first text to the second before his admission, when Kurt's face broke like a mirror of his heart. All he knew was that he hadn't been thinking clearly, lonely and desperate he'd reacted to the first spot of attention he'd received in weeks. It wasn't from the right source, it wasn't really want he wanted, but it made his heart race and on a whim he'd gotten in his car and found the boy's house before he had a chance to second guess himself. It happened fast, faster than he'd expected and then the world itself fell off it's axis. Everything was wrong. He'd just been with a guy who wasn't his boyfriend.

He had hoped that by flying to New York, by telling the truth, he would at least get a chance to explain. But the only thing he'd explained was how angry with Kurt he was, effectively blaming the whole thing on his absence. All the million things he'd planned to say fell away in anguish as he watched Kurt run away from him, attempting to hide the sobs escaping his throat. Blaine didn't bother hiding the break in his voice as he continued.

_Tell them I was happy_  
_And my heart is broken_  
_All my scars are open_  
_Tell them what I hoped would be_  
_Impossible, impossible  
_ _Impossible, impossible_

The reflex to check his phone was still strong, certain that he'd just missed a message from Kurt. Every call made his heart race, praying for Kurt's name but every time he was disappointed. Most of the time it was his own imagination. There was no message and nearly every call came from Tina, where she'd spend hours talking his ear off about things he couldn't retain.

He needed to talk to Kurt, needed to know Kurt read his letters, needed him to accept the packages rather than sending them back. He couldn't give up, he'd caused this very temporary separation but he would win Kurt back if it was the last thing he did. He had to.

_I remember years ago_  
_Someone told me I should take_  
_Caution when it comes to love  
_ _I did_

_Tell them all I know now_  
_Shout it from the rooftops_  
_Write it on the sky line_  
_All we had is gone now_   


_Tell them I was happy_  
_And my heart is broken_  
_Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, hoped would be_  
_Impossible, impossible  
_ _Impossible, impossible_

As the last notes echoed around the auditorium, Blaine let himself accept the decision forming in his head. He would audition with " _Hopelessly Devoted to You_ ," not because he was right for the part associated with the song, but because the song perfectly described how he felt. And he hoped getting it out would give him some semblance of relief from his broken heart.


	14. Irregular Orbit (406-407)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- This piece contains two missing scenes that begin in 406 and lead into 407 (an episode where we never say NYC or Kurt) - This is Kurt's POV and contains a solo performance set on a fire-escape in NYC. The song Kurt sings is "I Almost Do" by Taylor Swift - This chapter also contains references to the chapter titled 33%

_**Irregular Orbit** _

Kurt and Rachel take a late flight home from Lima a mere two days after they'd arrived for the Fall Musical. Even though he knew it would be a short trip, Kurt's heart ached as the plane pulled away from the tarmac and he stared out the window to hide his tears. When he'd decided to make the trip home he had been intent on several things. Mainly that he would talk to Blaine, really talk to him in the hopes of finding out why and how their love had gone so wrong. But in the moment he had barely been able to look at Blaine, let alone say anything and when given the chance to talk, Blaine had, predictably, said all the wrong things.

He wanted to explain what happened, justify his actions, minimize the tryst. He wanted to tell Kurt everything, as though a few words could put things right, but this had not been a simple fight. It wouldn't be an easy fix. The facts were plain. Instead of talking to his boyfriend, instead of all the other options open to him, Blaine had stepped out. Cheated. Been with someone else. In Kurt's mind, this action was irredeemable. And yet he missed Blaine. Most days his whole body seemed to ache with longing as his mind spun with questions. What had he done that was so horrible that Blaine would lose faith in him? Why did he deserve this broken heart? Had he really been so preoccupied that he'd let true love slip through his fingers?

When Kurt first moved to the city, states away from his lover and the life he knew, he had never imagined the consequences. He had failed to keep his word. Failed to find the time. Failed the man he loved. But then Blaine had failed him too, and worse. He'd let some other guy, some nobody, someone else touch him. Kiss him. Make love to him. Fuck him. Something. Whatever it was, it should never have happened.

As the flight began it's final descent into JFK, Kurt tried to shake the anger from his body. Some part of him knew that Blaine regretted what he'd done and maybe that was all that mattered right now. And anyway they couldn't go backward, all faith was lost and any promises they made forgotten. The fact was that Kurt would have to live his life without Blaine by his side and the fact seemed to dim even the lights of New York City. 

* * *

On the morning after Kurt received the seventeen box from Blaine, he spent an hour sitting on his bed with tears in his eyes, holding the most beautiful Marc Jacobs coat he'd ever seen. Even as he folded the pristine fabric through his fingers, he knew he couldn't keep it. Something about it seemed wrong, but what was in the letter had bothered him more. Because he hadn't just lost his boyfriend, he lost his best friend too.

It was the first really cold day Kurt had experienced since moving to New York and it also happened to be his first day of work at a shitty dinner on Fire Island. He spent six hours serving some of the worst food he'd ever tasted and he hated every minute of it. After several off color comments about his appearance, three patrons informed Kurt that he was incompetent at serving, which earned him a talk with the boss. After being demoted to bus boy, Kurt had just about had enough. He was told to clean the bathrooms, which were disgusting, and sweep the floors, which was pointless. The second he finished any section, a child would inevitably toss a pile of fries on the ground.

His feet dragged as he made his way back to Bushwick, feeling as though there was no point to any of it. No amount of money could squash the humiliation he felt at being forced to clean public toilets and he wanted to vent. He wanted someone to call who he knew would listen to him and understand enough to not be condescending when he returned to the place the next day. He needed the job. He knew that.

Just as he'd always known he needed Blaine. He sighed as he turned the key to his apartment building, wishing with all his heart that things were different. His mind raced over old fantasies as he climbed the dim stairs, wondering absently if Rachel would be home yet and hoping for a moment of peace and quiet. He had only ever agreed to move to New York City on a whim, with the knowledge that Blaine would follow closely after. He believed their love for each other would sustain them during their time apart. He believed they were meant to be together, always. He had believed and yet…

Before even reaching their door, Kurt could hear Rachel belting out a string of notes at the top of her lungs and he wondered idly how many of their neighbors truly hated them both. Annoyed he turned the key and rushed to his curtained bedroom, desperate for privacy and a change of clothes. He wanted to take a shower but he didn't have the energy, deciding instead to lay down in hopes of finding unconsciousness quickly. But sleep, however, eluded him.

A while after the cords of Rachel's scales stopped echoing through the loft and the darkness had settled into the city that never sleeps, Kurt begrudgingly got out of bed. He'd been laying there for hours, his mind reeling but focused. It was passed midnight and he stupidly still wanted to call Blaine.

Kurt knew, rationally, that this was a bad idea and he'd been fighting against it since their break-up. What good could come of it? Another fight, some more blame to throw around? Another revelation that would shattered his heart? And yet he couldn't sleep and Blaine's voice seemed to echo in his head as he glanced through his growing stack of letters: _it didn't mean anything_ and _I love you_ and _forgive me._

Resigned, Kurt stashed the folder of letters under his pillow and went about making himself a cup of strong chamomile tea. He slipped an ambien in his mouth as he took the first sip while stepping out onto the fire escape in hopes that the cold would numb the aches enough to let him sleep. Holding the folder against his chest, he put on his headphones and took a few minutes to skip through songs on his playlist, in search of something that would let him breath, make him sing. It was clear to him now that he had avoided his feelings for too long and if he couldn't talk to the man he loved, he would have to settle for the next best thing.

_I bet this time of night you're still up._  
_I bet you're tired from a long hard week._  
_I bet you're sitting in your chair by the window looking out at the city.  
_ _And I bet sometimes you wonder about me._

_And I just wanna tell you_  
_It takes everything in me not to call you._  
_And I wish I could run to you._  
_And I hope you know that every time I don't_  
_I almost do,  
_ _I almost do._

For the first time in his life Kurt felt truly terrified of the future. Before everything had fallen apart he had counted on this one thing, his love, his Blaine and regardless of any issues they may have had, he believed in them. Together. He trusted their devotion, he regarded Blaine as the one for him. The only one. The end.

But that was before…

_I bet you think I either moved on or hate you_  
_'Cause each time you reach out there's no reply._  
_I bet it never ever occurred to you that I can't say "Hello" to you  
_ _And risk another goodbye._

Kurt had spent so many days, so many hours since their break-up trying to rationalize Blaine's behavior. Trying to find an excuse that would erase his heartache, but the truth was that Kurt had never wanted to be with another man. He had wanted Blaine from the moment they met. He had fallen harder and faster than ever before and his heart hadn't been his own since March of his junior year when Blaine had suddenly, inexplicably fallen for him too. The rest had been a dream that so recently turned into a nightmare.

It was moments like this, where he was alone and yet surrounded by the city of his dreams, that the old Kurt would have called Blaine. Without hesitation, and they would have talked for hours because they loved each other. It would have been so simple and he longed for simple, still.

_And I just wanna tell you_  
_It takes everything in me not to call you._  
_And I wish I could run to you._  
_And I hope you know that every time I don't_  
_I almost do,  
_ _I almost do._

_Oh, we made quite a mess, babe._  
_It's probably better off this way._  
_And I confess, babe,_  
_In my dreams you're touching my face_  
_And asking me if I wanna try again with you.  
_ _And I almost do._

_And I just wanna tell you_  
_It takes everything in me not to call you._  
_And I wish I could run to you._  
_And I hope you know that every time I don't_  
_I almost do,  
_ _I almost do._

Absently, Kurt wondered when he would see his ex again, months probably. They were states apart and worlds away from each other now. Then he wondered which of them would have moved on by then and he reasoned it would probably be Blaine. In most ways he had already done so and Kurt experienced a sharp pang to his heart at the thought of seeing Blaine happy with someone else. He'd thought he'd avoided that future, he'd thought he had been given a forever with his first love. His true love. His Blaine. He had only ever dreamed of them, together, and he didn't know how to move on from that. However, he knew now that he no choice.

And yet, he missed Blaine. He missed their old promises and their planned future. He missed their intimacy, there love for each other. He missed all of it. But instead of pressing the call button, he sang to the city as tears rolled down his face and the tea grew cold against his palms.

_I bet this time of night you're still up._  
_I bet you're tired from a long hard week._  
_I bet you're sitting in your chair by the window looking out at the city.  
_ _And I hope sometimes you wonder about me._


	15. Separation (409)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (this chapter contains missing scenes from 409 and leads into 410, with the end finishing at the exact moment that the next chapter "Health and Healing" begins. These scenes are written from the point of view of Burt Hummel...)
> 
> Also I want to send a HUGE Thanks to all those who are (still) reading this fic after so long... I love your comments and likes and I hope you share this with others who miss the show and the boys who inspired so many fanfictions. Thanks again -di

**Separation (4.09) - Burt POV**

 

* * *

The call was quick and came a mere two days after the Winter Showcase at NYADA, in which Kurt had performed despite the fact that his admission to the school had been rejected the previous spring. After hearing Rachel gush loudly about how Kurt had totally brought the house down. Burt reasoned there was no way his son wasn't going to be admitted to the prestigious performing arts school soon and he was both relieved and ecstatic to find that he was right.

"Dad! Dad! I GOT IN!" Kurt was all but screaming over the phone and Burt was thankful he'd pressed the speaker button as he ate dinner with Carol. "I just got the letter and Dad, I can't believe it! I got into NYADA."

Across the table Carol's spoon hit her bowl and Burt swallowed quickly to answer, "That's great news, son."

"Congratulations, honey!" Carol said softly, damp eyes meeting Burt's.

"We're so proud of you, Kurt," Burt said heartily, setting down his own spoon and reaching for his water glass.

"I can't believe this, I'm so…" Kurt took a long breath, as though trying to steady himself. "This is just amazing, Dad. Rachel wants to celebrate, but I had to call you first." Kurt gasped and then his voice grew calmer, more thoughtful in a way that made Burt take notice. "Oh and um… Blaine's calling me, I should tell him too."

"Oh," Burt's voice left him involuntarily and he cleared his throat before he spoke, ignoring the look Carol shot his way. "You two talking again?"

The line remained silent for a long moment before Kurt spoke, his voice guarded. "I called him on Thanksgiving and we've been talking. It's weird I guess but it's like..." The line went quiet again and Burt chanced a glance at Carol, her eyebrows were also raised. "I don't know dad. It's just, complicated but he's still… He's Blaine, ya know?"

"Yeah, I do," Burt said kindly, smiling slightly at Carol across the table.

"Anyway I'm going to go party with Rachel, she's so excited. I think she's told half the school already but… I can't believe I got in." Kurt gushed as though struggling to keep himself calm and Burt imagined him dancing on the spot.

"Of course son, you go have fun. You deserve it. Thanks for sharing the news, truly." Burt said, shaking his head at Carol's insistent expression. "I love you kiddo."

"We love you," Carol said, smirking as she continued to eye her husband.

"Couldn't be more proud of you, Kurt." Burt added heartily.

"Thanks guys," Kurt added in a warm almost sappy tone. "I love you both. Have a great night, I'm going to call Blaine back before Rachel loses it completely."

"Sounds good. We're really happy for you. Talk to you soon, son," Burt said and he turned away from his wife to push the button to end the call.

Chuckling happily under his breath, Burt busied himself by mixing his spoon through Carol's homemade wild rice soup. Which was tasty but needed bread and Burt knew that went against all the doctors orders. He sighed before he spoke, feeling his wife's eyes boring into him, full of accusation. "There was no point telling him now." Burt said, his voice guarded. "They're only running tests, we don't know for sure what's going on yet. It can wait, let him have tonight."

Carol tilted her head to the side, glancing around the dining room that Kurt had designed. It was timeless in it's beauty, and she loved every inch of it. "No you're right. It wasn't the right time, but…"

"I know," Burt shrugged, then sighed sadly. "There will never be a right time."

"Not really, but that's not what I…" Carol's voice trailed off and Burt found her gaze when she spoke again, her voice questioning. "Blaine?"

"Yeah," he nodded knowingly, because there had always been a chance of this. Kurt and Blaine's relationship had been strong from the start. Not flighty like the girls Finn brought home, or over-the-top like Sam's constant, ever changing crushes. No there had always been something different about Kurt and Blaine, something chemical. Something truly undeniable. He absently stirred the soup, thinking of days long passed when he noticed Carol still watching him and sighing, he added. "I'll talk to him."

"Good," Carol agreed as she stood up, offering Burt the last part of her roll and a kiss on the cheek before clearing the table.

* * *

Over the next several days Burt was so immersed in financial aid forms, required college admissions forms and freshmen housing deferral forms that he almost forgot about the embedding test results. Carol's vegetable heavy dinners remained the only clear reminder as the busy days ticked by and Burt remained hopeful.

That was until the phone call came, in which the nurse refused to give him any information because the doctor insisted on speaking with Burt in person. That was certainly a bad sign.

Burt didn't want to think about the word, the disease, the truth but after the meeting he couldn't stop thinking about it. He was too young to die. He had to be around for his son's wedding, and to meet his grandchildren. He wanted his feeble elderly days with Carol, when they could share a bitter fondness over memories of their years lived and the people they loved.

He would beat this. He had to.

Burt no longer turned up his nose at Carol's healthier meal options. While taking the time to plan and rearrange his schedule, he made sure to check in on himself. Aware that his body needed a break as his mind worked through the next steps he had to take to keep on living.

The worst thing was that Burt had to tell his son that he had cancer. At Christmas no less. He really couldn't imagine anything worse.

* * *

While the plan was forming in his mind and on paper, Burt didn't get the opportunity to contact Blaine until after another short phone call with Kurt that broke into a dinner with Carol, his step-son Finn and his sometimes pseudo-foster-son Sam.

Kurt was elated after a long day at his internship and he gushed about missing everyone while slipping in small comments about how much he loved Vogue and New York and the City and oddly, Blaine. When he first said it, Burt thought he'd misheard, but Carol's ears had perked up too. He knew he hadn't imagined it when, as Kurt was rambling on he said it again, almost thoughtlessly. Anyone who heard him talk would know that Kurt still loved Blaine.

Burt was deep in thought as he listened, taking a moment to appreciate the sheer amount of happiness in his son's voice as he continued to rave about anything and everything under the sun. Kurt seemed to be unaware of what he was saying, suddenly slipping in mentions of Blaine as though nothing had changed. That was until Sam spoke in a rush, his voice breaking in when Kurt fell silent for a moment in a way that felt not only disruptive but intrusive.

"Congrats on getting into that school Kurt." He said simply and Burt turned to him, aware that he had more to say. They ignored Finn's muffled agreement, staring at each other in irritation and dificance. When Sam continued his voice was almost pushy as he Burt continued to scrutinize him. "And ya know, in case you're ever wondering, Blaine loves the hell out of you too, man."

There was a short stretch of silence before Carol shifted in her seat and Kurt spoke over his dad's awkward cough. "Right, um... Thanks, but I just… " Kurt cleared his throat rather louder than was normal for him before adding. "I mean he's still my best friend… anyway, I'll let you guys finish dinner. I think Rachel might be trying to burn down the kitchen again. Night."

"Goodnight, Kurt," everyone said together as Burt said. "Love you son, goodnight."

"Love you too, Dad." Kurt said his voice further away. "Talk to you soon."

As the lined clicked off Burt turned his focus back to Sam, catching his attention at once. Sam blanched, a moment of caution crossed his features before he swallowed the food in his mouth and spoke directly to Burt, unashamed. "Hey man, I'm sorry, but Blaine's my boy. I've got his back and he like, really _really_ loves Kurt. I know it's complicated and all, but I'm just saying. Kurt has a right to know."

No one spoke as Burt continued to survey the boy who had taken over his guest room for over a year, he had known Kurt before Blaine and know he knew Blaine after Kurt. In a way he had a better insight to their relationship than anyone else. Burt cleared his throat before his spoke, his question deliberate because he had no intention of having a full discussion about this with multiple people over dinner. "So you think they'll work this out, then?"

Sam spoke immediately as though certain of his response. "Yes sir, I do."

* * *

It was several hours later, as the house began to quiet down, that Burt finally felt ready to call Blaine. He had the tickets lined up, the itinerary set and he felt confident that this was the right thing to do. He had to go to New York for Christmas, though he still cringed at the price, because he needed to speak to Kurt in person and because he wanted the holiday with his son.

Furthermore, he knew Kurt and Blaine well enough to know that what they both needed now was time to talk to each other, face to face. They needed to cry and hug and maybe fight. To meet this separation head on. They needed to start working through this, no matter what happened. And more importantly, Burt didn't want Kurt to be left alone immediately after receiving the news of his father's illness. They would all need each other's support now.

Burt was aware of how long it had been since he had last spoken to Blaine and he had a moment to wonder what Blaine would think of him calling when he answered with a kind, but nervous. "Hello?"


	16. Health & Healing (410)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Authors note: I want to send a huge THANK YOU to everyone who follows, favorites and/or reads this story *set of drabbles* missing pieces whatever. You guys are all awesome because you motivate me to keep writing so please, Comment, Share and most of all, ENJOY! 
> 
> This piece picks up where the last chapter (Separation) ended

**Health & Healing (410)**

* * *

 

Blaine was in the middle of problem seven of his math homework, mulling over equations when his phone rang. He pulled it from his bag, hoping Kurt was calling an hour early despite the fact that he was still at work. Instead, the screen lit up with Kurt's father, Burt's face. The picture Blaine had taken at a McKinley football game the previous year, of Burt cheering after one of Finn's successful plays.

Blaine's heart dropped, he hadn't spoken to Burt since before everything had fallen apart. Since he'd broken Kurt's heart. Was Burt calling to tell Blaine off? Now? When things seemed to be getting better between them, or at least now that Kurt was finally speaking to Blaine again...

Blaine's hands shook along with his voice as he answered, "Hello?" The word came out as a question.

"Hello Blaine, Hope I haven't caught you at a bad time. How are you? " Burt's voice was clipped, but still warm, familiar.

"I'm alright, Mr. Hummel," Blaine had to remind himself to breathe. "Just working on some homework. I hope you are well."

Blaine didn't understand the shift in Burt's voice when he answered.

"I've been better, actually. Listen, son I don't want to keep you from your homework and I'd like to speak to you in person if I could. Are you free for dinner tomorrow at Breadsticks?" Burt asked his voice unnaturally serious, it made Blaine feel more uneasy.

"Of course, what time should I meet you?" Blaine's heart was suddenly beating out of his chest, his mind racing.

"Let's say, 6:30?" Burt answered, sounding distracted as Finn's voice came clearly through the phone, shouting about lack of food in the house. Blaine couldn't help the smile that touched his lips.

"Perfect, I'll see you tomorrow then?" He answered nervously.

"Great, thanks Blaine." Burt replied as Carole's voice joined Finn and Sam's in the background, it made Blaine's heart twist in his chest to remember Kurt's family and how he wasn't a part of it anymore.

"Of course, any time," Blaine said, his voice shaking.

"Have a good night, kid." Burt replied, though he seemed to hear the change in Blaine's voice.

"You too, Mr. Hummel. See you tomorrow," Blaine said and the line went dead.

Blaine's stomach turned over, his heart still seemed to be set somewhere below the bed, carpet and floorboards of his room. He spent the rest of the evening staring blankly at his unfinished homework, and he didn't sleep well that night. Before he knew it, the school day had passed and he was driving to Breadsticks under the darkening sky. The day went by so fast that it reminded Blaine of all those days back in September and October that had dragged by so slowly, every second an ache of longing that now seemed so foolish.

All too soon he was pulling into the parking lot of the Sugar Shack, which everyone still called Breadsticks. He parked next to Burt's familiar deep blue SUV and, pulling his coat tight against the cold, entered the restaurant. He found Burt at a booth near the door and they exchanged greetings while providing drink orders to the hovering waitress.

Burt took a deep breath as the waitress disappeared, shifting in his booth while Blaine removed his coat and scarf to sit across from him. Certain he wouldn't be able to eat with his stomach in so many knots. They were silent until the waitress returned with their drinks and flitted away again.

"First, why don't we get this out of the way," Burt cleared his throat, took a sip from his Iced Tea and squared his broad shoulders before continuing. "I need to know exactly what happened with you and Kurt."

It wasn't a question, Burt's eyes fixed intensely on Blaine and he felt his face flush as his heart twisted with his stomach. He had expected Burt to ask, but it still felt like a punch to the chest. Staring at the table, Blaine willed himself to speak. He'd decided last night while lying awake in the bed he'd once shared with Kurt, that if he was going to tell anyone everything, it might as well be Burt, the best man Blaine had ever known.

"I made a mistake," Blaine's voice escaped him in little more than a whisper. He choked swallowing against the lump in his throat & looked away from the tabletop. "I made a mistake," though his voice shook, he spoke clearly. "The worst mistake I could have made, I know that now. I don't know how I didn't see it at the time but…"

Blaine took several deep breaths before continuing, wiping his sweaty hands on his jeans. "After Kurt left for New York, it was like I'd never been alone before. I joined all these clubs at school but it didn't help, I'd never realized it last year, but all my friends, everyone I hung around – Kurt, Rachel & Finn, Mike – they were all seniors, so suddenly it wasn't just that Kurt was gone, it was all my friends. No one took notice of me anymore. I was by myself, all the time. And I felt alone in a way that I'd never imagined possible."

"At first, things with Kurt were fine. I missed him desperately but he texted me several times a day. Excited over some New York discovery or sending pictures of his apartment, and we Skype-d every night like we'd promised." Blaine cut off, taking a long drink of soda. "But then he got the internship at Vogue and you have to know I was so happy for him. He hadn't been in New York for two weeks and already he'd drawn attention, already he'd managed to chase and catch one of his biggest, wildest dreams. I mean, Vogue is like Kurt's bible and I was so so excited for him…"

"But…" Burt prompted his face full of sympathy and understanding, not a hint of judgment.

"It was like we weren't on the same page anymore. He lost interest in me in favor of city gossip and Rachel's crazy boyfriend antics. No matter what I said, or did, it was as if he couldn't hear me or I don't know he just didn't care to listen. It made me feel foolish, I was so scared that I didn't have a place in his life anymore. I felt like he was done with me. I was the only one attending our planned Skype dates. Then my phone calls were ignored, till days passed where I'd only reach his voice-mail."

"I know, rationally I think I always knew that he was just distracted by his new life in his dream city that he can now call home. I knew it would happen but that didn't change how I felt. It was like nothing mattered, like I didn't matter. It made me think we didn't matter and everything I'd ever done for Kurt was forgotten because he was gone now. Moved on. And all the things that we'd promised and planned were left behind with me. So I started to question everything. Why was I still attending McKinley without Kurt? Why had I transferred in the first place? Why did Kurt always sound so happy when I was so miserable? Whose voice was in the background when we talked on the phone? Was it _really_ Rachel's boyfriend at the house? Was anything real at all? Had we been wrong in thinking that we could make this work? Was Kurt _really_ the one for me?"

He took a deep breath and moved on, his eyes shifting from Burt's fatherly gaze and to the wall behind him.

"So, I was questioning everything, all the time and I felt foolish for never realizing how much I'd built my life around someone who could forget me, so easily. I know that's not what he was doing, not at all… I know it was all in my head. I know the mistake was mine. Kurt never questioned us, never doubted for a minute. He was just busy building a life for himself, _for us_ … but I..." Blaine stopped, the next word caught in his throat.

"You cheated," Burt, prompted again, and Blaine's heart sank through his toes, burrowing into the floor.

"Yes," He chocked, suddenly nauseated. "Yes, I cheated on Kurt. I was with someone else."

"Who was it?" Burt asked, his face and voice questioning but still sympathetic, not at all angry as Blaine had expected.

"He was a guy…" Blaine had to swallow against his raw throat and tumbling stomach, silently grateful they hadn't ordered dinner prior to having this conversation. "He was a guy who friended me on Facebook. He complimented me, flirting and he invited me to his house. I had been feeling so foolish, thinking what I know now to be true. That Kurt & I are meant to be together. I felt forgotten, and there was this guy who paid attention to me, and I thought that maybe we could just… I don't know."

Blaine took another deep breath, remembering the days last fall. His parents forgot him, left Blaine to fend for himself while they saved the world and his brother forgot him when he'd moved across the county. But he should have known Kurt wasn't like them. However, it seemed, Blaine was like his family, because he'd forgotten too…

Blaine met Burt's eyes again, willing himself to finish despite the tears flowing freely down his cheeks.

"His name was Eli. I guess he goes to Carmel High. I went to his place and he put on a movie but he kissed me before the opening credits started rolling and I didn't stop him. I just…"

"I know, son." Burt spoke quietly, waving away the hovering waitress whom Blaine hadn't noticed.

Blaine drained the rest of his soda and shifted in his seat, extremely uncomfortable. When he spoke again, his voice was heavy with guilt, he took a deep breath and said in a rush, "we didn't um, but - ."

He felt his eyes roll away from Burt's face to the window next to them. A couple was leaving the restaurant, arms and hands gripping each other against the cold as they made their way to their car. The sight made Blaine aware that he was still crying, as tears escaped his eyes, he wiped them away with the sleeve of his sweater.

His mouth tasted off, dirty again like it had that night. The taste of guilt, shame…

"Afterward, immediately after I… I knew that I shouldn't be in that bed, should never have gone to that house. Should never have let," Blaine shivered despite the warmth of the restaurant. "I knew I'd destroyed everything and I knew, unquestionably that Kurt was, always had been _the one_ for me. It was like a slap in the face, because I had just done the worst thing. The worst possible thing as far as Kurt would see. I should of known that then, the full meaning of my actions."

Blaine's voice trailed off, distracted by his own thoughts until Burt caught his eyes again and Blaine explained. "I tried to brush it off, it didn't mean anything, it didn't change how I feel about Kurt. Surely he wouldn't hate me for making a mistake. As long as I told him the truth, as long as I didn't keep it from him then maybe, I thought, Kurt wouldn't leave me. Honesty had always been the foundation of our relationship, I didn't let myself think of the how badly it would hurt him. I just kept thinking it didn't _mean_ anything to me and I love Kurt. I hoped that would save me, us."

"I sped home and booked the first flight out, I'm sure he told you all this," Blaine stopped, swallowing his voice against the flood of memories. The flight, the teaming streets of NYC ( _of course Kurt was busy, distracted, Jesus Blaine! Look where he is!),_ Kurt's smile when he found Blaine at his front door. The way he said Blaine's name and the way he kissed Blaine even though Rachel was pulling them apart… And then, Callbacks, Teenage Dream, their first night together in New York, all their million possibilities… all tainted now.

"He did tell me, but I wanted to hear your side of the situation as well," Burt said after a moment, patiently allowing Blaine to collect himself. "So you went to New York and you told Kurt the truth?"

"I had to!" Blaine's voice raised too high, loud enough that other patrons turned to stare at their table. After an embarrassed moment, he continued, his voice barely above a whisper. "It took me hours and a song, our song. I ruined that too, but I just wanted to be with him again for a while before... I needed him to know how much I loved him before…"

"Before you broke my son's heart?" Burt whispered, finishing Blaine's thought, his eyes wet & strangely distant.

Blaine's breath hitched sharply and he covered his tear streaked face with his hands. He knew he was shaking and all but blubbering when he spoke, but there was nothing he could do to hide it. "Why did you ask me to come here, Burt? Kurt will never forgive me. He will never take me back or love me again."

"Kurt will never stop loving you, Blaine." Burt's head shook, a small smirk playing at his lips as if he knew some secret that Blaine didn't. "I'm sorry for making you do that but thank you for explaining. I know it's not necessarily my place to ask, however, given the circumstances I wanted to know. Before I have to do what I'm about to do."

Intrigued Blaine open his mouth to speak, his heart still beating relentlessly against his rib-cage. However, Burt waved a hand to the waitress and suggested, "Let's take a moment to order?"

Blaine whipped his eyes again, ordered his usual chicken salad, remembering the way Kurt had teased him for it on their fifth date - _"you know this is an Italian restaurant Blaine"_ \- and was surprised back to reality when Burt ordered a vegetarian plate from the health section of the menu. The waitress collected their empty glasses, and disappeared around a corner for a second to get their refills before they were alone again and Burt turned immediately back to Blaine, as though steeling himself to speak.

"Now, unfortunately, I have grave news to tell Kurt, and it's not the sort of news a father shares over the phone. Before I continue though, I want to make sure that you understand that you are not to share this with anyone, especially Kurt, until I have spoken to him myself. He should hear this from me, are we clear?" Burt's tone was extremely serious, a note of dread in his words and a sigh in his voice. When Blaine nodded, Burt took a deep breath and met Blaine's stare, the look in his eyes made Blaine feel like he was being x-rayed. "Blaine, I have Prostate Cancer."

Blaine felt his stomach drop again as he sank lower into the booth and the room spun against the steady throbbing of his head. He hadn't noticed he had a headache.

"We've caught it early. There's every chance that I'll be fine," Burt shrugged and Blaine recalled how Kurt's eyes would always blaze at his father's airy attitude toward anything health related.

"You have cancer?" Blaine could hardly speak around the words, his mouth suddenly dry.

"Yes," Burt confirmed, nodding poignantly across the table. Taking in Blaine's defeated, likely nauseated expression.

"Really son, the doctors say it couldn't have been caught earlier and I've already started preparing for treatments. Plus, I _am_ married to Carole," Burt insisted, his amused face breaking into an unexpected smile that fractured Blaine's heart. "She knows what she's doing, and I think she has a mind to keep me around for quite a while."

Burt chuckled, and Blaine, noticing the blush color his checks, couldn't help the feeble laugh that escaped through the tears that he no longer bothered trying to control.

"As I'm sure you're aware," Burt resumed, his face brightening,."Kurt will be attending NYADA this spring. Which is wonderful, but unfortunately means he won't be returning to Lima for Christmas next week."

Blaine made a gesture of understanding. Burt seemed to see the sad bitterness behind it but he continued as though he hadn't.

"For the last few years we've all gone to Carole's sister's with Finn and all for the Holiday's but I can't bear to leave Kurt alone for Christmas. And given the situation, I've decided to go to New York. My flight is on Christmas Eve, I arrive before noon so I should catch Rachel before she sails off with her Dads'. I think I'll bring them a tree, I doubt the two of them risked their clothing just to carry home a Christmas tree."

Blaine imagined the scene for a moment: Rachel shrieking about runs in her stockings where _anyone_ could possibly _see her_ and Kurt insisting that his brand new Marc Jacobs coat was officially ruined on its first trip out. Smiling despite himself Blaine wiped his face again, sitting up slightly . "No they didn't, they just have a little two foot fake tree. It might not even be two feet."

Kurt had sent him a picture of the fake tree, un-decorated and folded strangely in a box, that Rachel had brought home several days ago. The caption had said _A Rachel Berry Christmas_. And was followed immediately by a voicemail from Kurt all but shrieking about how Rachel, _Jewish Rachel,_ had covered the loft in hundreds of twinkling lights and ugly wreaths that totally clashed with his flee market decor.

"Perfect, a tree then and his mother's decorations. I'll have to figure out how to pack those, could be tricky... can't have any of those break... Oh and, you! Of course," Burt added, his voice trailing off as though checking a list in his head.

"What?" Blaine gasped certain he had misheard.

"Well, if it's alright with your parents?" Burt pointed out as he extracted an envelope from his coat and handed it to Blaine.

It was a plane ticket, clearly marked for:

 _Blaine D. Anderson_  
Ohio to NYC  
December 24, 2012 8:15pm Flight #316

Blaine's jaw dropped, his eyes suddenly dry as he gaped across the table, speechless.

" _You_ are my Christmas Eve gift to Kurt," Burt explained, his face a mix between happy and very serious. "Since he was little we always gave him one gift to open on Christmas Eve, family tradition and all that. Now, don't get me wrong here, I think messing around with some other guy was really screwed up of you, Blaine. Your body, your intimacy is not something to throw around, and I don't forget that you hurt my son." He finished, his eyes boring into Blaine.

Blaine's face fell, nodding, he swallowed against the thick lump in his throat.

"But you're still important to Kurt and you matter a great deal to myself and Carole," Burt continued more kindly. "You will always be a part of our family, Blaine."

Blaine stifled a thick sob and reached for a napkin. For a moment, they sat in silence, the server appeared with their food and shuffled away quickly without a word, finally getting the hint. As his breathing evened out, Blaine read over the plane ticket again, turning over Burt's words in his now chaotic head.

"I don't know what to say," his voice came out in a whisper as fresh tears hit his cheeks. He had been expecting to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day surrounded by generations of Anderson's while missing out on that mature conversation with Kurt he'd been so looking forward to.

"Well, can I make a suggestion?" Burt asked, pulling another folded envelope from his coat as Blaine looked up again, a small smile on his lips.

"Of course," Blaine sat up fully, coughing slightly at the dryness of his throat and taking a gulp of soda.

"I know how my son feels about you. How he has _always_ felt about you and I think you do too. I honestly believe that what the two of you share is rather extraordinary, I always have. Now, you made a huge mistake, Blaine. A mistake that cost you Kurt's trust, not his heart. Remember that, and I don't think you should give up on love. I did once, for many years after Kurt's mom died, but then I met Carole and..." Burt sighed, seeming to collect his thoughts, "life is full of curve-balls kid. So you took one to the head. Does that mean you're out of the game?"

"Are you?" Blaine gasped, cleared his throat and continued, "Are you saying you _want_ Kurt and me to get back together? Even after?"

"I'm saying I know how my son feels about you, and I believe I know how you feel about him. If I'm right, then you shouldn't let one mistake dictate the rest of your lives, separate or together." Burt offered thoughtfully, then his voice and eyes turned serious, almost penetrating. "I am making a great gesture of faith in bringing you to New York for Christmas, Blaine. Please don't make me regret that."

"I would never," Blaine broke in, insistent, sputtering over the words but Burt cut him off by handing him a folded map with a sticky note on the front.

"When you arrive in New York, ask the cabbie to bring you to that address, it's a park near Bushwick with an ice-rink. Get on the ice and wait for Kurt to arrive, he won't know what he's looking for so you'll have to get his attention, that's on you." Burt stated and then his face broke into a sudden laughing smile, leaving Blaine momentarily stunned. "It's really a good thing that Kurt loves surprises! If he didn't I'd still surprise him every chance I got just to see that look on his face."

"Me too," Blaine agreed quietly with a knowing smile as Burt chuckled across the table.

For awhile their focus turned to their plates of food. As Burt explained some details of his diagnosis and treatments, Blaine took mental notes for research. He had a hard time eating, nibbling mostly on garlic bread. Once Burt become bored with the topic he pulled out another envelope full of Broadway Playbills and together, they picked a play for Burt to take Kurt to on Christmas Eve Day.

"Will you need a ride to the airport?" Burt asked while the server cleared their table.

"I'm sure I can find a ride, or I'll just leave my car there in the lot," Blaine reasoned, feeling that he'd rather drive himself than involve anyone else in this secret surprise.

"Well, let me know, I'm sure Carole would be happy to take you so you don't have to pay for parking," Burt said as he took the bill and reached for his wallet. "Oh, and I almost forgot, the plan is to give Kurt as many of our Holiday traditions as I can while I'm there. The Christmas Eve gift is one, Hot Chocolate at some swanky New York City diner, the tree and his mom's ordainment's, a show, Christmas dinner and if he'll permit"

"Our Christmas Duet?" Blaine interrupted his voice and eyes big and sweet with hope.

"Yes," Burt confirmed with a pleased smile. "I think you should get to the park a little after 11 pm, and Kurt will arrive around 11:30 if all goes to plan. So you'll have a little time and you should pack for few days. I have to fly out on the 27th to DC to wrap up some business but your return ticket is for the 30th. I hoped you wouldn't need to hurry back and I thought you two could use some time to talk. Rachel will be gone till the 5th if I remember correctly." He shrugged as he signed the credit receipt, completely missing the look of renewed shock and gratitude that flitted across Blaine's face.

"Thank you, so much." Blaine breathed, his voice heavy, "And thanks for dinner." He indicted the to-go box the server had left and Burt gave a hearty laugh.

"Pleasure, oh and Blaine," Burt said as they pulled their coats on. Blaine looked up at the change in Burt's tone to meet his weary eyes, "I'll have told him, by the time you see him." He gave a stiff nod and Blaine understood.

* * *

Blaine had to wait five days before Christmas Eve. School on Friday was chaos, exams an afterthought to the forth-coming break. Then Sam received his own Holiday surprise when his family turned up for Friday night dinner at the Hummel's, which Blaine joined at Carole's insistence, completely throwing off Sam's plan to return to Kentucky. Sam's brother and sister had grown a lot since the summer, or so Sam kept pointing out. Sam's unexpected merriment at having his family in Ohio again gave Blaine hope for his own Holiday surprise.

The weekend passed slowly though Blaine had plenty to do between packing and cleaning and repacking and last minute shopping and repacking and finding a book for the plane and unpacking because he couldn't take _that_ and repacking after shopping yielded more gifts for Kurt, Burt and Rachel. Or Tina dropping by to talk his ear off about parties Blaine hoped he wouldn't be attending.

He hadn't told Tina, or even Sam, about the trip to New York or the surprise for Kurt. Partly because he didn't want to get his hopes up in case Kurt sent him away the first chance he got. Mostly though, it felt nice to have a secret again, it reminded Blaine of all the secret's he and Kurt had had last year.

Moreover, it was easier to keep his promise to keep quiet about Burt's cancer if he didn't talk about his trip at all. Only Carole's fussing over Burt gave any indication that she was beside herself with worry. Blaine assumed they would tell Finn and Sam when the time came, and they had to tell Kurt first or he'd hear it from Finn instead of his father. Finn couldn't keep a secret for five minutes.

He had spoken to Kurt twice since the meeting with Burt and Blaine was careful not to mention anything that might give him away. Still it made his heart ache to keep the diagnosis from Kurt. It made him feel like he was hiding something again and the last thing he wanted was to keep anything from Kurt.

His suitcase was packed and ready by the front door when he left the house Monday morning to join Sam at a nearby hotel with his family. Sam had tried to get Blaine to agree to hang around for the night and the following day, but he had seemed to see something new behind Blaine's deflections and stopped asking.

They spent most of the day in the pool. Enjoying the screaming kids while Blaine's eyes flickered to the enormous clock over the door every five minutes. He had prepared several things he wanted to say when he saw Kurt that evening. Thought of little else over the past few restless nights and the enormity of his conversation with Burt seemed to ring in his ears, around the pool hall or through the walls of Blaine's house.

Kurt's father was seriously ill, after everything Kurt had been through, losing his mom, all the crap he had to put up with in Ohio, getting his heart broken by a stupid foolish boy. Now, Kurt might lose his father too. The thought occurred to Blaine often enough that he didn't dare eat for fear his stomach would betray his nerves.

When the pizza's arrived at lunch, Sam cornered Blaine, a towel twisted around his wet hair in a way that would have normally been comical. In his John Wayne voice that he had reserved for his best friend, Sam asked, "Where you headin, Pilgrim?"

Blaine stuttered for a moment and Sam smirked knowingly. Blaine knew it was no use, "New York, for Kurt. Burt left this morning…"

"Thought so, how are you getting to the airport, Casanova?" Sam asked with a smile, pulling Blaine toward the food his family had huddled around.

"Oh, I was just going to leave my car in the lot, it's not a big deal," Blaine said, taking a seat away from the food.

"Nonsense, that's expensive, I can take you," Sam waved him off, offering a slice of pizza that Blaine politely declined. However, he accepted Sam's offer of a ride to the airport with a smile and Sam stuffed half a slice of pizza in his mouth, making his little brother and sister laugh.

Blaine left the hotel just after one to return home for a shower and clean clothes. He unpacked his suitcase again on the pretense of adding the gifts from Sam's family and, wondering if he was expecting too much, removed some clothes and arranged everything on his bed.

Choosing the perfect outfit was impossible. He gelled his hair in front of the bathroom mirror while wearing nothing but a pair of navy briefs after coming to the inevitable conclusion that nothing he owned had ever been up to Kurt's standards. Blaine recalled, as he washed the hair gel from his fingers, the last time he saw Kurt on opening night of Grease at McKinley. Kurt had looked more put together and poised then Blaine could ever remember in a perfectly tailored suit that accentuated Kurt's lean figure, his impeccable jawline. The picture of his dream man.

Kurt hadn't been able to meet Blaine's eyes backstage, but he couldn't seem to look away while Blaine performed _"Beauty School Drop Out."_ Though his face was hard in a way that Blaine had never seen. Angry and hurt and so guarded that it made his heart stop and for a second, he forgot he was on stage in front of hundreds. It was only the two of them and Kurt didn't trust him anymore.

 _Relationships are about trust, and I don't trust **you** anymore._ He blinked back tears and focused instead on Burt's advice _don't give up on love._

At three o'clock Blaine was rushing to refill his suitcase, throwing in anything he could possibly need at the last minute and praying to everything he could think of that he'd need clothes for five full days in New York with Kurt. Sam arrived after 3:30pm, still damp from the hotel pool and reeking of chlorine. Blaine was switching shirts again when he answered the door and Sam bit back a laugh.

"Hey, Romeo!" Sam clapped Blaine on the shoulder as he entered the house. "You about ready? I wanna get back in time for dinner with Britt."

They collected Blaine's suitcase, working together to get the zipper to close around the piles of clothes, toiletries and gifts before shuffling out to the car wrapped in heavy coats against the wind. The sky grew darker as Sam drove out of Lima toward the city lights in the distance. The sun was setting by 6pm when Blaine entered the airport teeming with Holiday travelers. He checked in at a kiosk and moved to the long line at the security checkpoint. To his surprise however, he was sitting comfortably at the proper terminal by 7pm, enjoying a large hot coffee while taking in the decorated airport. Enjoying the cheer of fellow travelers dragging presents and children and luggage that looked just as overstuffed as his own.

As he waited, Blaine went over scripts in his head, trying to decide the perfect way to get Kurt's attention when he saw the love of his life again. There were so many things and somehow, Blaine knew that when it came time to actually say anything he'd probably be so mesmerized by Kurt's face he'd completely forget every flawless line.

The plane was packed, making Blaine remember the last time he'd flown to New York trapped in the middle of seat of the middle row in the middle of the plane. As if he were the center of everything when he'd never wanted so badly to disappear. He'd felt like everyone who saw him could see the guilt and shame written across his face, staining his skin and seeping from his pours to taint even the air around him. For the entire flight some 400 people were looking straight at him, judging. They had all known what he'd done.

He was thankful for his aisle seat when his stomach lurched during take-off and he bolted to the lavatory as soon as the seat-belt lights dinged off. Holding his head in his hands, Blaine managed to calm down enough to return to his seat without forfeiting his stomach full of coffee.

The flight took less time than the drive from Lima to the airport in Columbus. Blaine read the same chapter of his book three times before giving up and stuffing it back in the bag at his feet. As soon as he got off the plane it occurred to him that what he'd thought was chaos in Ohio was downright calm compared to the sea of people around him in the terminals of JFK. It was well past ten by the time he had waded through people and checkpoints to an exit and followed a crowd to a line of taxis.

The streets of New York glowed like a gigantic moving Christmas tree, all the colors speeding past as Blaine's heart did somersaults in his chest and the cabby laid on his horn again. Upon arriving at the park Blaine found a locker though he spent five minutes squeezing his bags into the small space before finally snapping the door shut and stuffing the small key in his coat pocket. There was a short line for skate rentals and as he waited, Blaine checked his watch, it was almost 11:15pm. Blaine's eyes swept back and forth across the park of clamoring people in hopes of spotting a tall man with strawberry brown hair bobbing up the street.

Ten minutes later, Blaine was lazily circling the ice, lost in in a crowd of people, taking in the city around him. Usually he'd be wearing headphones, blasting music loud enough to drown out the din of human interaction. But this evening he was mesmerized by New York City around him, looking strikingly like a holiday card from some long forgotten time.

He was staring up at the mass of buildings when the group around him dissolved and in Blaine's line of sight Kurt appeared around a corner. A piece of paper grasped in his gloved hand as he twilled and pivoted in search of the address Burt had sent him to. Blaine took a deep breath and skated to the wall of the ice rink, mere feet from where Kurt stood looking bewildered and curious. Realizing to late that he'd forgotten every last one of the perfect things he'd wanted to say in this moment, and shaking with nerves, Blaine said the first thing that came to mind.

"Package for Kurt Hummel!"


	17. Patience (410)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Authors note: Thank you for reading! Please remember that this is a CANON FOLLOW fic and the narrative decisions that I make are based 100% on what happened on screen in the show. I am simply adding missing scenes/stories to the CANON story of Klaine 
> 
> this is the continuation of the "Health and Healing" chapter, this would land around episode 4.10 – basically December 29 2012 - as always feedback and sharing is welcome. Thanks again!

* * *

 

** Patience (410) **

* * *

 

Four days after Christmas, Blaine lay awake on the couch in Kurt's apartment. It had been steadily snowing for hours as the sun rose over New York City and Blaine couldn't sleep. This was the star of his last day here and in the quiet of the early morning Blaine could do nothing but think. There seemed to be a million things he wanted to do with and for Kurt before leaving, but the odds of any of them happening when Kurt needed to work, either at Vogue or at the diner on Fire Island, were fairly low.

With a sigh, Blaine remembered that none of those things would be what he really wanted and the lumpy flea market couch was a very harsh reminder as to why.

The first two nights when Burt was here, Kurt had slept in Rachel's room, given Burt his bed and made up the couch for Blaine. It had been mere foolish hope to imagine he would be welcome again in Kurt's bed after his father left. And yet, he had hoped.

There was also the nagging worry that, after tomorrow, Blaine didn't know how long he would have to wait before he saw Kurt again. Maybe months, the thought made him feel nauseated and he shifted again, cursing.

Blaine wanted, more than anything, to be Kurt's boyfriend again. To have the life they had planned together, New York and marriage and kids and jobs and all of it. Every cell in his body ached to be in Kurt's bed, cuddled up with Kurt, to be able to lean over and kiss him again. He'd lost count of the number of times he'd thought Kurt might kiss him since he'd gotten here, but it hasn't happened once and Blaine is too afraid of the consequences to make the first move this time. Worse than rejection, he didn't want to do anything that might make Kurt run away from him ever again. This time, Blaine knew he was playing for keeps.

As Blaine lay there, lost in thought, Kurt's alarm went off from behind the curtain wall and he froze at the sudden noise. There was a muffled groan, as if Kurt had his face pressed into the pillow and the next second the ringing cut off.

* * *

Kurt shuffled out of his room a few minutes later to find Blaine standing over the coffee maker, looking as though he hadn't slept.

Blaine yawned as he tried to say, "good morning."

"Morning," Kurt said drowsily, opening a cabinet to pull out two mugs. "Sleep okay?"

"Um," Blaine met Kurt's eyes as the cabinet snapped shut. "Not really, I… that couch is a bit lumpy, and I'm not used to all the lights and noise of the city yet," he shrugged because they both knew that wasn't really the reason.

"It took me a good month to get used to the sound of so much traffic all the time," Kurt offered in the small-talk voice he used when he really didn't want to talk to someone, it made Blaine's stomach twist horribly. Kurt had opened the fridge to sort through Rachel's assortment of cranberry juices and find the creamer and with a slight hitch in his voice, he added. "I haven't slept much since Christmas Eve."

"Ya," Blaine whispered, his hand falling to the back of one of the kitchen chairs. They hadn't discussed Kurt's father yet, now seemed to be their last obvious chance. They both sat down together, Blaine placed the coffee pot on a star-shaped mat on the table after filling both cups the proper amount.

Kurt set to mixing in cream and sugar before he took a slow sip. After a moment, he set the cup down gently, his hands shaking as he looked across the table.

"Blaine, you know how my dad is with his health, after my mom... I mean, if you really meant it. What I mean to say is if you're really going to help keep an eye on him for me," Kurt's voice turned frantic, pleading and he spoke quickly pausing only to catch his breath. "I won't be able to go to the appointments with him and hear any of it for myself! It'll drive me mad if all I have to go on is my father's nonchalant, vague answers, and Carole's reassuring tone! I need things I can look up online, solid facts that I can understand!"

"I know, Kurt," Blaine assured, placing his free hand on Kurt's across the table, his damp eyes made Blaine's heart ache. "I'll take notes and ask the doctors any and every question you need. I'll send updates as often as you want or whenever I can."

"Whenever you can," Kurt replied, taking a long drink of his coffee before continuing in a whisper, his voice bleak. "I can't believe this is happening, and how, I mean... When did he even tell you?"

"Five days before we came here," Blaine answered automatically because he had been keeping track, day 9: Burt has Cancer.

Suddenly Kurt pulled his hand out from under Blaine's, looking extremely put out. Blaine hastened to explain.

"Kurt, no, look your father only told me because he couldn't trust Finn or Sam not to let it slip and he didn't want you to hear it from anyone but him. He made me promise not to tell you." Blaine's voice cracked, but he pressed on desperately, "he didn't want you to hear about it over the phone. Carole's the only other person who knows and she assured me that they really did catch it early, stage one."

Kurt still had an odd, angry expression on his face, and he was clearly avoiding looking at Blaine.

"I guess Burt and Carole heard Rachel was leaving with her dads for Christmas. They felt that you shouldn't be alone over the holidays... and well, your dad invited me to dinner. Ya know, to give me the plane tickets and all and he asked me about…well, everything. We talked, for a while and…"

"Okay," Kurt sighed, turning back to Blaine with fresh annoyance covering the pain in his eyes. However, he no longer looked angry, "I get it, he told you because he trusts you." He drained the rest of his coffee, and his hard eyes returned to the table as he mumbled, "I gotta get ready for work."

Blaine sat frozen, awestruck, and bewildered, watching Kurt disappear into the folds of his curtained room again before he'd put the pieces together. Burt trusted Blaine and Kurt did not.

When they left the loft an hour later, both with bloodshot eyes and raw voice, they pretended it was due to lack of sleep or the cold and not each other.

* * *

Blaine spent the hours of Kurt's shift at the diner trying to explore Fire Island on his own, but he kept finding himself back at Kurt's work. Watching him through the window until Kurt came outside with a soda or a sundae, always shaking his head either from amusement or annoyance, Blaine couldn't tell. Unlike those few weeks when he worked at the Lima Bean, Kurt rarely offered Blaine more than a friendly smile.

Kurt's shift ended after lunch and they spent the rest of their limited daylight bouncing around the city. After finding lunch near central park, they took a subway to 5th Avenue so Kurt could catch a glimpse of the new designer shoes for the spring collections that always started popping up this time of year.

After a fair amount of overzealous window-shopping, they cut across Rockefeller Center, stopping briefly to watch the people ice-skating. Searching for distractions, Kurt pointed out the different TV studios in the surrounding buildings and Blaine shuffled along beside him, lost in thought.

As they reached Radio City Music Hall, Blaine looked up and stopped so abruptly that Kurt had to wheel around and double back. That was the first time since his arrival that Blaine had gotten a full, genuine smile out of Kurt. As he shook Blaine's shoulder slightly, Kurt stepped into Blaine's line of vision so the lights of Radio City flashed across his skin in the setting sun. The sight made Blaine feel like his heart was on fire.

"It'll be your name on that marquee one day," Kurt said in a very matter-of-fact way, pulling on Blaine's arm until his feet started moving again.

"You still believe that?" Blaine asked, tripping over his own feet, shock clear in his voice.

"Of course I do," Kurt said but he dropped Blaine's arm. "I've always believed in you, Blaine. Us being together or not will never change the fact that you're breathtaking on that stage."

The word choice struck a chord in Blaine's chest, his heart skipped a beat. As he and Kurt turned a corner onto a less crowded street, he voiced the question that had been on the tip of his tongue since Burt had handed him the plane tickets. "What did you do with the letters I sent?"

"What?" This time Kurt was the one who halted in the middle of the sidewalk, causing a man on his cellphone to stumble passed, cursing.

For a moment they both stared at each other, the mixture of emotions between them overwhelming.

"I just... I just wanted to know because all the gifts were returned, even the vintage jacket." Blaine stuttered, a sudden panic gripping his throat. "And I couldn't help but wonder if you read them or burned them or used them to stuff your ears when Rachel got too loud or...?"

His voice trailed off as Kurt's expression fell, his cold eyes glared at Blaine for what seemed like a long time. People baffled around them and the sky darkened further.

Eventually, Blaine was the one to break the silence again, his voice broken and detached. "I'm sorry, I should never have asked. I just thought maybe, if you had read them maybe you'd believe how sorry I am and maybe you might want back what we had as much I as do."

"We can never go back, Blaine." Kurt nearly shouted, his voice both aggravated and annoyed, as if this should be obvious. Huffing, he crossed his arms over his chest and turned on his heal to continue up the street toward the subway station. Blaine caught up with him and several minutes of heavy breathing passed before Kurt continued. "It's not like we can just get back together and _**be**_ what we were a year ago. We're not the same anymore, Blaine. I mean, you've been with someone else." His voice slipped as he spoke but he maintained his pace, refusing to chance a glance at Blaine. "I had my heart broken for it. We can't ever change what happened, just... what we had before, that's done, it's over." Kurt cut off, his face frozen but Blaine saw his lips twitch, as if he was fighting tears."You're my best friend, that's all I want from you right now."

"Oh," Blaine's voice hardly made a sound. They walked in silence for the last ten minutes to the queue of passengers headed down to the subway platform. As they waited, set back a few feet from the crowd, Blaine turned to Kurt, his voice breaking through his tears. "Okay, when you put it like that, um."" He cleared his throat and wiped his eyes while trying to take a deep breath. "I see how that's… things are..." He had to swallow hard to keep his voice."We're different now. I'm sorry I asked, I don't want us to spend my last night here fighting. I shouldn't have brought it up. I just need you to know that I miss you, all the time and I am so, so sorry Kurt."

"I know," whispered Kurt, his eyes on Blaine's face as the platform rang with sounds of the oncoming train. If he was being honest with himself, Kurt did know that Blaine loved him, truly loved him. As he knew that Blaine regretted his doubts and actions, and likely hated himself for cheating. As more time passed Kurt had to admit that he knew Blaine had never meant, nor wanted to hurt him, but that didn't change the fact that he had.

Neither of them spoke much on the ride back to Bushwisk. The subway car was so crowded that they were forced to stand crammed together awkwardly, gripping the same balance bar overhead. Blaine had to avoid looking at Kurt as the subway car rattled and jerked them against each other, forcing a level of intimacy they had thus far managed to avoid for the majority of the holiday visit. Kurt stood rigged as possible, feet set as tight as his jaw because seeing and talking to Blaine was one thing, being pressed flush against his shifting body was another thing entirely.

The tension between them only ebbed when Blaine faltered while letting someone squeeze passed him and tripped backward over Kurt's foot. Kurt caught him around the waist and steadied him with a giggle as he noted Blaine's embarrassment. Not long afterward, the subway car slowed for their stop and they were both still smirking when they exited the platform.

"By the way," Kurt said when they were out of the station and away from the noise, "you better still have that coat, and I will know if Tina's laid so much as one squinty eye on it."

Blaine felt a shy smile spread slowly across his face as the blush crept from his ears down the back of his neck. As they turned another corner, Kurt fumbling for his keys, Blaine had to shove his hands in the pocket of his jeans to avoid the temptation to reach for his ex.

* * *

Back at the loft, Blaine was filling two plates with leftover turkey, corn and mashed potatoes while Kurt called out movie titles from the living room. In a moment of sudden quiet, Blaine turned to see Kurt loading the DVD player.

"What are we watching then?" He asked as he put the lid back on the Tupperware of mash potatoes and placed it back in the fridge.

"You'll see," Kurt said cheekily, approaching the table. Behind him, the TV clicked on and three previews flick across the screen before Hugh Grant's voice boomed low from the speakers across the loft, a speech that ends with: _"love, actually is all around."_

"Really?" Blaine quirked an eyebrow across the table, surprised.

"It's Christmas," Kurt stated with a shrug, his eyes never leaving the TV.

They ate in companionable silence, randomly commenting on the various storyline's _"do they ever explain how those two know each other?"_ Kurt asks about Daniel and Karen. _"Wouldn't the Prime Minster own a comb!?"_ Blaine's voice is so disgusted that Kurt nearly chokes on his after dinner coffee. Some of the tension that hung between them for the last four days seems to have lifted after their recent conversation's, at least enough for Kurt to choose to sit with Blaine on the couch rather than pulling up a chair.

When Mark tells Juliet, _without hope or agenda,_ Blaine is watching Kurt rather than the cards on the screen. Noting the tears leaking silently from Kurt's eyes, because he always hated this particular story, before.

They both cheer when the Prime Minister's security guard joins in singing a Christmas carol for the group of little girls. And they sing along in whispers to Joanna's version of _"All I Want for Christmas is You."_ However, because Kurt can feel Blaine's eyes on him, he refuses to look away from the screen.

They finish the remainder of the movie in a silence that grows more fatigued with every passing second, so they are both yawning hugely by the time Hugh Grant's voice-over precedes the credits.

With a quick glance at the time, Kurt lifts off the coach to remove the DVD and turn off the TV as Blaine sets to relaying his bed. Before he could lie down, however, Kurt had crossed the room again and reached forward to lead Blaine into a soft hug. He pulled away before he spoke, his voice soft, his exhaustion clear, "Thank you for being my Christmas Eve gift. It wouldn't really fell like Christmas without you. And thanks, you know for my dad...for whatever comes next." Kurt shrugged, staring out the dark window over Blaine's head.

"I'll do everything I can," Blaine assured, placing a tentative hand on Kurt's arm to draw his attention back. "Happy Holidays, I love you Kurt," Blaine had not really meant to say it, and when Kurt's eyes met his again they were coated with an odd misty sheen, like he'd somehow absorbed the water drops off the window.

To Blaine's surprise however, Kurt let out an amused scoff, his lips twitching up slightly. And he pulled Blaine in for a swift, but tender hug. "Ditto," he whispered. "Goodnight Blaine."

"Goodnight," Blaine whispered as Kurt turned toward the kitchen and Blaine climbed into his makeshift bed. With a click, the loft went dark. The next thing he was aware of was a soft blanket being added to the pile covering him and Kurt's hand brushing his shoulder before the apartment echoed with the sound of retreating footsteps. Blaine was asleep before Kurt reached his curtains.

* * *

The next morning passed in a frantic rush because Kurt had to be at Vogue by 8am, which meant Blaine had to catch a taxi to the airport by himself as Kurt ran toward the subway station, screaming farewells. The last sight Blaine caught of Kurt was a flash of brilliant smile as he ran off toward his dream job.

The chaos of travel was lost on Blaine, he moved from the cab and through the airport without noticing anything around him. Before he knew it the plane was carting away from the gate. It felt wrong to be traveling away from Kurt and yet, he knew he had no choice. Things were different now, in ways that Blaine hadn't really considered, they were different now and he had to accept that. Maybe their lives together wouldn't be exactly as they'd planned, but Blaine still believed they belonged together and somehow, someway he would make this right.

Sam was waiting for him when he exited the airport and thankfully, he didn't ask a single question after taking in Blaine's expression. Instead, in true Sam fashion he provided a wonderfully stereotypical New York accent as he dived into the tales of Christmas in Lima, which included Artie getting hurt, Puck turning up and Coach Beiste marrying Sam to Brit. Despite his disinterest just now, Blaine couldn't help but press for more details on the later, which he was grateful to hear didn't sound particularly legal.

* * *

Two and a half hours later, after successfully avoiding another party at Tina's, Blaine was emptying his suitcase when he came across a piece of folded stationary stuck in the corner pocket. The paper, which was printed with millions of tiny gold stars, clearly came from Rachel's desk, but the handwriting, though hastily scribbled, was distinctly Kurt's.

 _Blaine -_  
Of course I kept the letters  
_I wish you hadn't stopped writing after Thanksgiving_

 _Just_  
please don't apologize or explain anymore  
What's done is done and what will be, will be

_Thank you again for being my X-Mas present_

_always, Kurt_

_Enough,_ Blaine thought with a smile, reading Kurt's words over and over. E _nough for now._

He put _Love, Actually_ into the DVD player as he sorted laundry and cleaned up after so many days away. The movie remained on loop for most of that weekend.

Three days later, when school started back, Blaine sat down and wrote a letter to his best friend.

 


	18. Pretense (410-411)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This piece follows "Patience" (and therefore "Health & Healing) - and features Kurt in the days following the Holidays in season 4... The song used in this chapter is "All Too Well" by Taylor Swift

**410/411 - Pretense**

January 4th, 2013

* * *

As Kurt counted the books in his arms his phone buzzed in his pocket, and he fumbled to check it. The message from his ex-boyfriend gave Kurt the date and time of his father's next major oncology appointment. Sighing sadly, he made his way out of the school bookshop, unable to ignore the deep nagging in his chest. While he was still basking in the glow of his surprise acceptance to NYADA, he couldn't ignore the reality of his father's situation. Not for the first time it occurred to him that this whole thing would be so much easier if he could cry on Blaine's shoulder, if he could count on the comfort they used to share.

The truth was that Kurt missed Blaine with every cell in his body, he missed his face and his hands, his hair, his laugh and his touch. He missed his lips and the way he cried during Disney movies, he even missed Blaine's silly superhero obsession. He missed everything about Blaine, not least of which was having Blaine as his boyfriend. Calling Blaine his own. He missed the affection they had for each other, their intimacy and he missed his best friend. But he had missed Blaine from the moment he'd been dropped off at the airport and stupidly, Kurt had believed their relationship was strong enough to withstand anything. Something as small as distance surely wouldn't change the way they felt about each other, and yet somehow it had. Somehow, while Kurt wasn't paying attention, everything had changed.

The rituals started slowly, the day after his dad left for DC Kurt replaced all his socks with light blue pairs, for luck. He had read that color was supposed to be lucky, so he replaced some of his under clothes too. Then came the touch of his nose on the fourteen and twenty eight of every hour. He knew he was being superstition but he figured that if it saved his father's life, then it was worth Kurt going a little crazy.

Touching his nose as Kurt shuffled through the crowd on his way to the subway platform, he turned up the music in his headphones, desperate for a distraction or some sign of what he should do next. Blaine had left a few days ago and Kurt dreaded going back to the empty loft, where he had nothing to do but dwell on the holidays. The knowledge of his father's cancer coupled with the steady ache that Blaine had created around his heart, left Kurt feeling lonely, and worse, helpless. He longed for the days a year ago, when he and Blaine were happy and devotedly, unquestionably in love. When his father was healthy. When things were better.

As he descended the stairs to the subway platform, Kurt felt himself sigh as the song switched over to one that pulled at his heart violently, but he couldn't bring himself to change it. Instead he sang the words under his breath, telling himself that it would not help to call his ex-boyfriend now, when he felt so vulnerable.

 _I walked through the door with you, the air was cold,_  
_But something 'bout it felt like home somehow._  
_I left my scarf there at your sister's house,  
_ _And you've still got it in your drawer even now._

As the subway car pulled to a stop in front of him Kurt entered with the crowd, brooding over songs about love. Music was his passion, his chosen profession but it also came with excuse to remember and miss the boy he shouldn't love anymore. Two months ago Blaine had showed up at his door, not for a lovely surprise, but to tell Kurt he'd broken the cardinal rule. He'd been with another man. Something Kurt couldn't even imagine for himself. The only person he'd ever really wanted to be intimate with was Blaine.

His head seemed full of unanswerable questions, what had he done to send Blaine into the arms of someone else? How could his father have cancer? Was he a terrible boyfriend? Was he a terrible son? Could he have prevented this if he hadn't left home? Should he return home to care for his ailing father? And how had he not managed over the last few years, to show Blaine how much their relationship had meant to him?

Now he'd have to move on, put himself out there, find some new connection. Some other boy who, by default, could never hold a candle to his first. To Blaine.

 _Oh, your sweet disposition and my wide-eyed gaze._  
_We're singing in the car, getting lost Upstate._  
_Autumn leaves falling down like pieces into place,  
_ _I can picture it after all these days._

 _And I know it's long gone,_  
_And that magic's not here no more,_  
_And I might be okay,  
_ _But I'm not fine at all._

More than anything his body ached for the comfort of the person who made him feel safest in the world, but it had been that very same person who had broken Kurt's heart. Memories plagued him, burrowed deep in his soul and replayed themselves at the most inopportune moments, like remembering Blaine opening a door for him when in reality he should be opening one for himself.

Rachel was no help, she may have officially ended things with Finn, but that only gave her license to pursue the relationship with Broody that she'd been denying for weeks. Even her silly love triangle reminded him of his own failed relationship. From the outside he felt a great sympathy for Finn as he watch Rachel with Broody, imaging Blaine back home with a new boyfriend on his arm. Even though Kurt knew Blaine was alone, and miserable, he found little comfort in Tina's daily reports. He couldn't help but imagine Blaine returning to Lima with some other guy on his mind, some other boy kissing his anguish away till he didn't miss Kurt at all.

 _'Cause there we are again on that little town street._  
_You almost ran the red 'cause you were looking over at me._  
_Wind in my hair, I was there, I remember it all too well._

 _And I know it's long gone_  
_And there was nothing else I could do_  
_And I forget about you long enough  
_ _To forget why I needed to…_

There were brief moments, tiny seconds of time where Kurt missed Blaine in earnest, forgetting that they were no longer together. That Blaine could not be trusted. That everything was over now, and for those brief, fleeting moments Kurt felt happy, as though the emptiness in his chest were covered by a vale. But eventually he would have to lift it, have to remember what had happened and why he had to stop himself from getting back together with the boy who shattered his heart for a cheap thrill.

It was in these moments, however, that Kurt felt able to breath evenly. He had put all of his trust and all of his love into Blaine and the idea that Blaine hadn't deserved it sat like a lump in his throat. They had shared so much together, beat back bullies and stereotypes at school, overcome obstacles from every direction. They had fought and loved, conquered fear and nerves, survived the interference of others interest and they had promised each other the world. Kurt longed for the days when plans were enough, when words sealed every ounce of hope in his heart. When he had no reason to worry about their love, because it was absolutely, without fault, perfect.

 _Well, maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much,_  
_But maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up.  
_ _Running scared, I was there, I remember it all too well._

When he exited the subway his phone was ringing again and with a sigh he ignored the call, feeling that his heart might splintter apart if he heard Blaine's voice. For all he knew Blaine was calling to tell him that he was ready to move on, that he couldn't wait for Kurt, that their love had been false from the start. In a way he knew he was taking it too far, he knew Blaine was unhappy and if his frequent updates from Lima were true, he missed Kurt just as deeply as Kurt missed him. But the resentment he felt toward his ex-boyfriend reared harsh and clear in his chest, Blaine had broken everything that he held dear.

 _Hey, you call me up again just to break me like a promise._  
_So casually cruel in the name of being honest._  
_I'm a crumpled up piece of paper lying here  
_ _'Cause I remember it all, all, all... too well._

 _Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it_  
_I'd like to be my old self again, but I'm still trying to find it_  
_After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own  
_ _Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone_

He tried to remember his life before Blaine, but all that was there was a deep sadness. A bullied, lonely gay kid wishing for his prince charming, his Blaine Anderson. The hours they'd spent together were truly some of the best in Kurt's life, their first shaky kiss when Blaine's eyes shined, their first date when Blaine surprised him a million times over. Sharing their first times, together, while madly, totally in love.

He entered the loft and immediately his gaze fixed on the empty couch where Blaine had slept, the blankets he'd used were still folded neatly at the far end. Looking around the silence of the space seemed to press upon his ears and he made his way to his room to find a box from Blaine waiting for him. The sight of the box made him choke on the breath in his throat as tears stung his eyes. He had pushed the box aside when he came home several nights ago, too desperate for sleep to face the emotion of opening it and he hadn't had a free moment to think about it since. He wished he could forget all of it, he wished he could throw the box out the window and never see Blaine's name again. He wished he'd never loved enough to hurt this way.

 _But you keep my old scarf from that very first week_  
_'Cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me_  
_You can't get rid of it 'cause you remember it all too well, yeah  
_ _'Cause there we are again, where I loved you so_

 _Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known  
_ _It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well_

For a long time Kurt sat on his bed, staring at his phone, trying to think what he would say if he did call Blaine. Not that he was going to. Blaine had cheated on Kurt, through he'd insisted he'd done it out of fear and loneliness, some part of Kurt remained convinced that whatever had happened, Blaine had enjoyed it.

The idea made Kurt's chest ache, like his heart had fractured and the rest of him had shattered in it's wake. He had loved Blaine. Loved him with every fiber of himself and he had trusted that love to carry them both through this separation. He had never thought to imagine a scenario in which they would not be together. Even now the understanding that he wasn't with the man who owned his heart, ruined as it was, made his knees shake with fear. Kurt had nothing when he came to New York, he was sure of nothing, except Blaine. And he just couldn't seem to wrap his head around the fact that he had been wrong.

Pulling the box onto his lap Kurt found that the parcel included a designer broach in the shape of a bird, a copy of the new Nicholas Sparks romance novel and a carefully folded letter that contained Blaine's words of love and apology. Careful to avoid pulling out the gifts, Kurt took the letter in his hand and unfolded it, aware that he was crying in earnest as he started to read.

**(Letter #22) December 30, 2012**

_My Dearest Kurt -_

_It was a dream to spend the holidays with you and your father. I will forever treasure the memories of Christmas in New York, and of every second I got to spend with you. I know you remain angry with me, livid perhaps at what I have done, but I hope you know that no one is more angry with me than I am. I truly had it all. A loving, amazing boyfriend. A plan for a future that I had never dared to imagine for myself. A life with you. And I ruined it on an impulsive decision that most certainly wasn't worth it._

_It is my hope that you know and believe I didn't enjoy what happened. That I was scared and uncomfortable and desperate in my actions. That's not an excuse but... more than anything I was, I am disgusted with myself. The irrational part of my brain thought it would fix what was broken, but it only shattered what was perfect._

_Rest assured that I will do everything I can to help with your dad as he goes through his treatments, no matter how long it takes. I truly believe he will be okay in the end. He's strong, he will make it through this. We have to hold onto that Kurt. I believe if anyone can beat cancer, it's your dad._

_Lastly, thank you again for including me in your holiday and allowing me to stay with you this past week. I miss you so much Kurt, every fiber of my body aches for you, only you and I want you to know that I will never give up on us again. If any relationship can beat this mess I've made, it's ours._

_I love you with all my heart._

_Always y_ o _ur_

_Blaine_

For a while Kurt stared at the piece of paper, trying to take in the words while unable to believe them. He did agree that if anyone could beat cancer it was his father. Burt Hummel was the strongest man Kurt had ever known and he wouldn't take this lying down. As for the rest, he really didn't know. Wiping his eyes frantically, Kurt reached for his phone and pressed the button to speed dial Blaine, his heart racing as he waited.

It was only a moment before Blaine answered with a breathy, "hello."

"Hey," Kurt said, trying to hide the heartiness in his voice. "I got your letter."

"Oh I…" Blaine stammered, clearly nervous.

"I miss you," Kurt blurted out, internally cursing himself for saying it and for feeling it. "The house is so quiet."

"Rachel will be back tomorrow, right?" Blaine reasoned in a kind voice.

"I don't want noise at 5am, Blaine." Kurt said indignantly, and then the words were pouring out of him. "I want to know my dad's alright. I want to forget the last three months. I want another chance to get this right."

"So do I," Blaine murmured softly, his voice betraying him.

Without pause, Kurt realized he was still crying when his voice hitched harshly and suddenly he was babbling through the phone, "I can't do this. I just spent a fortune on books so I can start college in a few weeks and my dad may be dying and my boyfriend cheated on me and everything is just not at all how I imagined it would be at all."

"I know," Blaine whispered but Kurt plowed on, disregarding the sharp pang in his throat.

"I thought my dad was healthy," Kurt insisted, his voice raising. "I thought we would be together forever. I thought you loved me. I thought I could trust you."

"I know," Blaine gasped, clearly trying to hide the sob in his voice. "I do love you Kurt, more than anything. I'm so…"

"Don't say it," Kurt interrupted, his voice getting louder, more frantic. "Don't tell me you're sorry again. I know. I get it, but it doesn't change anything."

Blaine took a long breath, "No it doesn't." He sighed, choking back the tears. "But I regret it. I really need you to know that, Kurt. I would do anything to take it back, all of it. There's nothing I want more than to be your boyfriend again."

It was Kurt's turn to say, "I know," and as he said it he realized he believed it. He believed Blaine's words, his testaments and apologies. He believed that Blaine loved him, despite what he had done. He believed that what they had was real and maybe it wasn't totally lost, even if he wasn't sure he could be with Blaine again. He wasn't ready to lose him either.

Taking a long deep breath, Kurt reached for the box next to him, and pulled out the book. "How was your flight?" He asked, thankful that he was starting to settle down.

"Oh it was fine," Blaine said softly, "nothing special. I just miss you, Kurt."

"Ya," Kurt breathed, choosing his words carefully. "It was nice to see you."

"Ya," Blaine sighed, "Nice."

"Thank you for the books and stuff," Kurt said more evenly. "I'm sorry I didn't get you anything but I didn't know you'd be here and…"

"But you did get me something," Blaine stated simply. "You gave me time, with you. That's all I've ever wanted. And you bought me the bow-tie at TopShop while we were out shopping last week."

"Right," Kurt gasped, feeling tears prickle his eyes once more. "I…" Kurt started but his voice trailed away, unable to form the words on the tip of his tongue because it was all wrong. He couldn't, he shouldn't love Blaine anymore. It really was that simple, Blaine had broken Kurt's heart when he cheated on him and even now, months later, Kurt remained in shambles. Shredded, broken.

With an overwhelming sense of longing he stood up, wiping his face with the back of his hand and made his way to the kitchen to make some tea. "I just miss you."

"I miss you too, Kurt. So much." Blaine said faintly, as though he were trying not to cry.

For a while they remained on the line, poignantly avoiding the more sensitive topics in favor of continuing to talk and Kurt found comfort in the fact that they were finally able to do this again. Somehow it made him feel better to know that they were capable of moving past this, even in small steps, and maybe they'd never get back what they lost. But the simple fact that they could remain in each other's lives seemed to be enough for now.


	19. Picking Up the Pieces (411-413)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AUTHOR'S NOTE: this chapter covers 6 significant calls between Kurt and Blaine that occur between Christmas and Valentines day Season 4... as always, canon follow. The dates are based on the timeline of the season as I have managed to make sense of it (good luck!) ... Thanks for reading!

** Picking Up the Pieces (411-413) **

* * *

**1.** **Monday January 7, 2013: 6:35pm**

Kurt brushed snow from his coat as he unlocked the heavy door of the loft. Pushing it aside he found the loft dark and thankfully, void of his shrieking roommate or her ken-doll boyfriend. Momentarily distracted by the delicious warmth from the buzzing radiator, he slipped off his coat and hung it from a peg by the door. Flipping on the dim overhead lights that hung lopsided from the rafters, he pulled his phone from his pocket for what must have been the twentieth time in the last hour; dismayed to find the display still blank.

The loft remained silent as Kurt shuffled around the apartment, keeping an eye on his still silent phone, he managed to change out his damp clothes by the time the tea kettle was whistling from the stove. All day his mind had been focused on the call he was expecting, the call he needed more than anything else right now.

Twenty minutes later, he was nursing the dregs at the bottom of his second cup. Sitting at his desk with the curtains closed around him trying in vain to focus on the article spread out on his desk. With a deep sigh, he rubbed his eyes before thumbing through his phone; the constant feelings of terror and annoyance gripped him for a moment in the silence of his home. He'd only known about his father's cancer for fifteen days, but to Kurt, it had been the longest fifteen days of his life.

Kurt knew that Burt had been busy wrapping up business in D.C. before traveling home to begin treatments. Still, he had spent every spare moment since Christmas Eve doing fruitless research online while trying, unsuccessfully, to pry information out of his dad or Carole.

Today, however, Blaine was going with Burt to his oncology appointment and Kurt was eager to finally have some solid information.

Kurt had set his phone aside and was taking the last swig of tea when his ringer split the silence of the loft, echoing around the stone walls; Blaine's name flashed across the screen. He set down the empty mug and moved the phone hastily to his ear.

"Hey," Kurt's voice cracked, he quietly cleared his suddenly heavy throat; feeling his eyes prickle again.

"Kurt! O good, I just got back and I hoped you'd pick up. Do you have a second?" Blaine's voice sounded carefree, almost excited and Kurt felt a great wave of envy.

"Well, I was kind of waiting for your call," Kurt supplied mournfully, moving to settle on the edge of his bed.

"Right…Okay," Blaine cleared his throat; then he was talking very fast, hardly pausing for breath. "So I spoke to Dr. Andrews and Dr. Jefferson; they're your father's oncologists. First of all, they could not have caught it any earlier, Kurt. Really it's barely in stage one and it's very small, they showed me the imaging studies and furthermore, the tumor hasn't metastasized to anything; which gives your dad a much better chance. Dr. Andrews informed us that a proper combination of the radiation and chemotherapy is the most effective treatment in over 80% of cases like your fathers. Most patients see full remission within a year, so, the first round of treatment goes through the beginning of March and then probably in April, they will retest."

Kurt was silent for a moment, counting and recounting, _January to April: 4 months_ , he seemed unable to swallow.

"So, we won't know anything more until April?" Kurt whispered, his throat stinging with fresh tears, he felt suddenly nauseous again; a feeling he'd had on and off since Christmas Eve.

"Well, not necessarily," Blaine explained reassuringly but his voice kept tripping over every third word in a way that made Kurt's stomach churn more with nerves. "We have constant check-ups for your dad. Carole has written up this massive set of rules and schedules for everyone and everything from meals to med check to keeping a log of his temperature while he's undergoing the radiation. He's already changed his diet completely; it's so strange to see your father eat a salad for dinner. But he seems quite determined to keep it up, didn't complain once about Carole's Friday night vegetarian spread, despite Finn's constant complaints that he didn't return home to be fed cow food."

"You went to Friday night dinner?" Kurt asked without thought, trying to imagine the scene without him there. Carole and Finn bickering; his dad with Sam and Blaine screaming at some ball game on TV. The thought made his heart twist with the dull ache of homesickness; he'd thought he'd gotten over that feeling last fall, but if anything it seemed worse now.

"Well, I was already there with Sam so it wasn't, um." Blaine's voice cracked nervously through the phone, "Your dad and Carole insisted that I stay."

"Sorry, it's fine, just a surprise I guess," Kurt allowed, his voice feigning calm, "I should have figured." He dropped to a whisper as he internally kicked himself again; he'd been worried having Blaine look after his ailing father was a bad idea. It made him feel uneasy to think of his dad and Carole treating Blaine as if nothing had changed.

"If it makes you uncomfortable," Blaine offered his voice distant and slightly pleading. Kurt knew how much Blaine liked his family and despite his annoyance, he didn't have the energy to argue his point of view at the moment.

"No, it's fine," Kurt said, getting up from his bed and moving somberly across the room to where his bag sat next to his desk. "Probably for the best," he offered as he bent down to retrieve it, "one more voice of reason to keep him on his diet."

"He's doing very well, really Kurt," Blaine assured, his voice coming back to him, "He's doing everything the doctors suggested to prepare his body for the chemotherapy and radiation treatments, which I was informed he starts on Thursday."

"Thursday?" Kurt's voice squeaked through the phone and the strap of his bag slid from his hands, falling back to the floor with a full thud. Kurt didn't know when he expected the treatments to start but from where he was, everything seemed to be happening too fast and yet, not nearly fast enough.

"Ya, didn't I say? Sorry it was so much information but um, by then he'll be twenty-one days into preparations and his body should be ready to undergo the first round treatment, there are three rounds in the first cycle before they reevaluate and each round lasts about two weeks." Blaine explained, sounding strangely like a textbook on the matter, "and he'll have breaks in between, so long as Burt sticks to his diet, he will likely only experience only minor discomfort."

"Likely? Minor?" Kurt urged when Blaine had cut off, as though he hadn't been planning to mention the side-effects.

"Well, they did warn us to expect a few bad days, especially in the beginning of his treatment and they've advised him not to fly." Blaine said, his voice carefully guarded; "which we expected."

"What else did they say?" Kurt prompted again, his voice hard with annoyance.

"They said Burt would experience a great deal of nausea, something that resembles morning sickness and, while they will give him medication to counteract the worst side-effects of the treatment, it will be hard on his body." Blaine's voice was resigned again, he continued without preamble; "they said he would need to have someone with him for at least twenty-four hours following the radiation injections. Also, it will be difficult for him to eat and keep down meals, though it is essential that he does." He paused and Kurt thought he heard Blaine gasp for breath, but when he continued his voice was light, joking. "Your dad only raised a fuss when they said he'd likely lose his hair, even the doctor laughed at that."

Kurt let out an exacerbated scoff, shaking his head against the phone as the scene formed in his mind; his very bald father, fussing over hair loss when his life hangs in the balance. After spending so many hours reading up on his father's diagnosis, he had prepared himself for the worst and thankfully, this was far from it. For the first time in so many days, he felt like he could catch his breath. If his father could still joke about silly things like hair loss, maybe there was a chance he'd be okay.

"Thanks, Blaine," Kurt said as he took a deep calming breath and fell back onto his bed; his voice trailing off as he continued. "This is all so overwhelming."

"I know, I'll make sure you always hear everything that I hear," Blaine assured. Kurt thought he could hear Blaine's bed squeak through the phone, "Is there anything you want me to ask the doctors?"

"I would like to do some more reading. Could you get the type of Radiation they are using?" Kurt said, his voice shaking slightly, "and Chemo too?"

"Of course," Blaine agreed quietly, "I can ask on Thursday, I'm driving Burt to the appointment. Carole's meeting us there."

"Right," Kurt said, still slightly uncomfortable with how much time Blaine would be spending with his father in the coming months. After everything that had happened between them it seemed off, but resigned, Kurt remembered that most everything in his life seemed off and he just had to live through it. With a deep sigh, he spoke calmly, "so, McKinley started back today, right?"

"Actually we've been back since Thursday, and really why they would make us go back for two days," Blaine mused, "it honestly wasn't productive at all. I suppose they have a number of days or something that we have to be there, and it's nice to be back in the choir room when we're not singing Christmas songs every day. Schue must have given Finn the idea because once we reformed after the fiasco that was sectional's, I think we did a solid month of holiday music."

Kurt chuckled softly, "ya, they started playing it at the office right before Thanksgiving, thought I was going mad by December." Kurt's agreement was followed by a long silence and when he spoke again his voice broke. "Well, if that's all for now I want to call my dad before I make dinner and I've got to finish proofing a few article's for Isabel."

"Ya, I... Of course, I'll um, call you Thursday then," Blaine said, his voice suddenly shaking with nerves again. "I miss you, Kurt."

"And you, night Blaine." Kurt said quickly and the line cut off.

Kurt called his dad fifteen minutes later, when he was sure his breathing was back to normal and he'd washed his face twice in a vain attempt to control the puffiness of his eyes. Most days he wasn't sure if he was crying about his dad's cancer or the break-up with Blaine or just Rachel's continued inability to grasp his sleeping schedule; (forcing him to wake up most mornings at five am to her running scales at the top of her lungs). But whatever it was, he found he spent a lot of his alone time crying these days and he wished for something, anything that would give him a reason to smile again.

* * *

**2.** **Thursday** **January 17** **th** **, 2013** **:** **4:43pm**

Blaine pressed dial on his cell phone as he pushed open the front door of his parents' house, a light from the kitchen showed brightly down the hall but Blaine made his way upstairs with his phone pressed securely to his ear. Since having spent a few days in New York, the conversation between Blaine and his ex-boyfriend seemed to be slowly growing friendlier; with less annoyance in Kurt's voice and more moments of stolen laughter between them before they remembered no part of their current situation was all that funny. After a several rings Blaine expected Kurt's voicemail to click on, figuring he'd gotten stuck at Vogue for a few extra hours. But then the line picked up and Kurt's voice was breathless.

"Hello?" Kurt asked voice high and clearly distracted, as though he hadn't checked the screen.

"Hey, it's me," Blaine said, trying to hide the longing in his voice at the sound of Kurt's breathless voice. "I just got home from the Doctor's with your dad."

"Right, sorry I'm just leaving the office," Kurt's voice was slightly scrambled, like the phone had slipped from his mouth. "Can you just hold on one second, Babe? I'm stuck in this damn coat."

"Babe?" Blaine startled, stopping halfway up the stairs, suddenly breathless himself. It took a moment of loud shuffling for Kurt to return.

"Sorry about that, what did you say?" Kurt still sounded distracted. Blaine wondered if he should even mention it.

"You," Blaine stuttered, continuing up the stairs to his bedroom "You just called me _Babe_."

"O, right," Kurt cleared his throat, his voice uncomfortable. "Well, force of habit ya know…"

An awkward silence followed; the next thing Blaine could hear as he entered his room was the blare of New York traffic through the phone.

"At least tell me that today went better than Thursday?" Kurt prompted when particularly loud car horn had faded.

"O, yes, much better," Blaine supplied, trying to find his voice as he sat down in the leather armchair in the corner of his room. "Carole is taking tomorrow off to stay home with him, they both insist that Sam and I mustn't miss anymore school. Seriously, Kurt, it was only one day and Tina brought us our work..."

Kurt scoffed lightly as the sounds of cars died away. Blaine imagined Kurt descending the stairs onto a subway platform. If the noise around him was any indication, Kurt was jostling through a crowd nearing a ticket stand. At times like these, Blaine liked to imagine he was walking with Kurt, rather than hundreds of miles away. Maybe holding his hand so they could push more effectively though the queue of people.

"Anyway, as I was saying, he did much better today," Blaine added forcing his mind back to the conversation. "The appointment was quiet and quick. He fell asleep on the car ride back home and though he was a little pale, he managed to drink some soup before I left."

"Good, that's good" Kurt whispered, barely audible over the flurry of activity around him. However, after a moment of mumbling Blaine realized that Kurt was trying to convince himself. "That's good," Kurt repeated again.

"Dr. Jefferson confirmed that everything is on track and the first treatment is often the worst, because the body has to adjust," Blaine continued, hoping to find the right words to assuage Kurt's worry.

"Thanks, Blaine," Kurt sighed deeply as his breathing evened out.

"I'm happy to help," Blaine said in an offhand, then hoping to prolong the conversation, he added. "So you started classes this week right? Tell me about NYADA! I want to hear everything!"

"Oh, Ya! It's amazing, the classes and all the people are incredible. Except maybe the ones who follow Rachel around by the coat tails lapping at her ankles," Kurt said, incredulous but clearly excited. Blaine wondered if Kurt had gotten the chance to talk about this yet. "It's stragnely like high school, with the cliques and stuff but I joined the show choir group, called the Adam's Apples. They are quirky but fun and I'm having coffee with the lead this weekend."

"Coffee? Like a date?" Blaine asked his throat suddenly very dry as his eyes prickled. He had known this would happen eventually, Kurt was single, beautiful, amazing and in New York. It was only a matter of time before some other guy tried to pick up the pieces of the heart Blaine broke.

"I wouldn't go that far, I don't know anything about him aside from his name is Adam and he thinks I look like a young Paul Newman. I guess he heard me sing at the Winter Showcase," Kurt explained, his voice controlled but slightly wispy in a way that made Blaine's heart contract in his chest as he felt a great wave of jealousy. That was the performance that had gotten Kurt into NYADA after months of rejection and Blaine already envied every person in that room. Before he could dwell too much on the twist in his chest, Kurt continued. "Anyway, I heard there was a Sadie Hawkins dance this week at McKinley?"

"O ya, that," Blaine replied, his voice more sullen. "It was Tina's idea and now I know why she was so insistent."

"What do you mean?" Kurt asked quickly, confused and curious.

"She sang a song at me today and then proceeded to ask _me_ to the dance in front of everyone." Blaine sighed, still bewildered by the events of the day. "She was obviously trying to be romantic and ask me out like, on a date which is just…"

Kurt was laughing lightly through the phone, amused and Blaine couldn't help but chuckle along for a moment; his heart swelling at the sound.

"Can she not tell I'm as gay as a picnic basket? I just don't understand, dammit Kurt this is not funny!"

"It is actually pretty funny," Kurt put in, barely audible though his continued amusement.

"I didn't know what to do," Blaine admitted, laughter still thick in his voice. "I thought we were just friends, I didn't realize all the time we've been hanging out she had _feelings_ for me. Can't I just have a friend, like you and Rachel?"

"Ya right, me and Rachel, a girl who still giggles at the idea of kissing me," Kurt put in, the laughter dying from his voice. "Just don't tell Tina you're in love with another girl, trust me, Mercedes and Rachel will never let me live that down."

"She's crazy not to kiss you," Blaine whispered but Kurt continued as if he hadn't spoken.

"Tina's cool though, she'll understand," Kurt said, "Just tell her you don't feel that way, ya know. I mean, you told me that once and you were perfectly nice about it. No one can fault you for your feelings and she had to know there was little chance. Everyone knows you're gay, Blaine."

"Apparently not," Blaine whispered, his voice defeated.

"If she doesn't want to accept that than she's not really your friend," Kurt provided, his voice strong. When Blaine made a noise of disagreement Kurt continued, his voice rising. "I know you've been hanging out with her a lot and she's important to you! But if she's deluded herself into imagining your time spent together meant something more than friendship and she's not willing to accept the truth. That's not fair to either of you."

"I know, I know you're right," Blaine sighed, rolling his head back to stare unfocused at the ceiling, his voice wistful. "I just don't want to hurt her feelings; I really care about her. Suppose I already have hurt her though, turning her down in front of everyone like that... but really what did she expect me to say?"

"I can't answer that for you," Kurt conceded. "But, Blaine, do you even want to go to this dance? I mean, Sadie Hawkins…"

"I kind of have to go, as senior class president and all. Plus, New Directions are the entertainment, so it's not like I have a choice." Blaine reasoned, speaking to fast. He knew he wasn't really answering Kurt's question but he found he'd rather not mention his previous experience if he could help it. The thought only made his stomach flip horribly; "I'd rather just go with Sam and the guys or whatever, but he's with Brittany and I… I mean, _shit."_

"Sam?" Kurt's voice squeaked, somewhere between shock and laughter.

"It's not my fault!" Blaine shot back, defensive, his voice rising in panic, "we spend so much time together! We're just friends of course, but he's always taking his shirt off and burrowing my chap stick and it's… It's all very distracting, honestly Kurt would you stop laughing!"

"I'm sorry, it's just, SAM!" Kurt had trouble getting out the words around his gulls of renewed amusement.

"I thought you'd be upset with me," Blaine said sheepishly, feeling blush color his cheeks but he was smiling.

"Well that would be hypocritical of me," Kurt said. Blaine made a noise of disbelief so he elaborated, "when Sam first got to McKinley I was convinced he was gay. Plus I thought he was gorgeous, I mean those _lips._ In my defense, how many straight guys dye their hair blonde?"

Blaine was laughing in earnest, his heart swelling slightly in his chest at the bubbly tone of Kurt's voice that he'd been missing so much over the last few months. Furthermore, he was quiet taken aback by the conversation, never having discussed such frivolous attractions with Kurt before; it seemed odd and yet, comforting to know they could talk about it. He wondered why they'd never talked about it before.

"Is Adam blonde?" Blaine asked thoughtlessly and his heart flipped. The static over the phone was suddenly thick before his mother called up the stairs for him and Kurt giggled adorably through the phone. Blaine wasn't sure how that sound made him feel.

"Yes, and British," Kurt confided in a tiny voice, smiling.

"And all this time I thought you liked your men tall, dark and handsome;" Blaine put in, his voice light, teasing despite the horrible butterflies in his stomach.

"On what planet would you be considered _tall_?" Kurt mocked playfully.

"HEY!" Blaine protested, smiling and laughing along with Kurt as he continued. "In the land of Oz I might be a giant!"

"Only if you lived in Munchkin Land," Kurt countered, barely audible over his snickering.

Blaine's mother called up the stairs again and he sighed as his amusement faded; "Well, I hope the new glee club works out." Blaine said, carefully avoiding the subject of Kurt dating other people because it made his head hurt and his chest ache with every breath. "My mom's calling me for dinner, but I'll call you this weekend when I'm on shift with your dad. I have Sunday but I'll probably end up over there for Sam's Saturday shift too, Carole insists we never leave your dad alone in the house, though I think we're all driving him a bit mad, being around all the time."

"I'm sure you are, but he appreciates it all the same," said Kurt, his voice even but devoid of the last vestiges of laughter. "And so do I, have a nice dinner Blaine, I'll talk to you soon. Tell your folks I said hello."

"Sure, good night _babe_ ," Blaine said, hoping to prize one more smile from Kurt before they hung up.

"O, Shut Up!" Kurt shouted, his voice exacerbated but amused and the line clicked off. Blaine grinned into his empty room, his heart and stomach doing summersults in his chest as his mother called up the stairs again.

"Coming!" Blaine yelled back taking a deep breath to control the buzzing chaos in his head, he went down to dinner.

* * *

**3.** **Thursday** **January 24** **th** **2013: 12:14pm**

Kurt is at a deli around the corner from Vogue, halfway through his lunch break and hanging up a call with his father when his phone lights up in his hand. A wide smile still stretched across his face after hearing his father sound so upbeat and dare he wish, healthy. He steals a quick glance at the screen and for the first time in weeks, his smile doesn't falter as answers the call from Blaine.

"Kurt!" Blaine's voice is excited, ecstatic even, coming clearly though the line before it even touched Kurt's ear. "Kurt! You'll never believe this! We're going to regional's! The New Directions are going to regional's after all! We just got confirmation. We're going to regionals!"

"What?" Kurt asked, certain he'd misheard, "How?"

"The Warblers got disqualified, apparently they have been using Steroids to bulk up, so they could do all these crazy flips and stuff. They even kicked Trent out when he was unwilling to do the drugs," Blaine explained, his tone still excited and hard with disbelief. They shared a silent moment of shock while Blaine's words sunk in.

"Well that's just ridiculous! Half of those guys didn't have balls to begin with," Kurt put in, his voice amused but annoyed as Blaine barked out a joyful laugh. In Kurt's opinion, the Warblers were all equally responsible for the slushie that nearly blinded Blaine the previous year and he couldn't understand Blaine's continued relationship with the group. "Guess you're glad you didn't transfer back now," Kurt added trying to keep the sourness out of his voice.

"Seems like they should have mentioned it. I almost went back and I would have been expected to do…that." Blaine agreed, shivering at the thought. Kurt tried to imagine Blaine hulked out on steroids, the mere idea was laughable.

"How did you even find out about this?" Kurt asked surprised by his own interest in the situation that had nothing to do with him anymore.

"In the end, it was Trent who gave us what we needed; the proof that Sam was right about them cheating, he noticed it first and don't ask me how because I really don't want to know. He must have spent hours looking up pictures of the various Warblers over the years to find the changes," Blaine explained, clearly delighted by this recent turn of events.

"I think we can agree that we don't really want to know what Sam does when he's by himself," Kurt put in and Blaine laughed lightly in agreement.

"Impressions probably," Blaine supplied thoughtfully. Suddenly Kurt was laughing in earnest, clutching his chest at the memories of catching Sam practicing his impressions on more than one occasion during the year that they shared a house.

"I'm right, aren't I?" Blaine asked playful, a hint of laughter beneath the judgment in his voice.

"Of course!" Kurt breathed through his amusement, forcing himself to inhale enough to speak, "Thanks for that, I needed a good laugh. Oh, I haven't thought about Sam trying to prefect his Denzel voice in long time."

"Anytime," Blaine said sheepishly; Kurt could hear the smile in his voice. "He's gotten pretty good with Denzel actually, but his Johnny Depp voice is truly horrible."

Kurt's phone beeped in another call while he was shaking with laughter along with Blaine, his cheeks flushed and his lips stretched across his face in a smile that his muscles had forgotten; it almost hurt to feel so good.

"Shit, I'm sorry Blaine. I've got to run," squeaked Kurt, trying to catch his breath to get his voice back. "That's Chase from Vogue, massive crisis with a belt shipment. You don't even want to know," Kurt added when Blaine made a curious note. "Can I call you later? I want to hear more about the Warblers on Steroids," Kurt asked, his voice shook as he succumbed again to fresh gulls of laughter. "I'm sorry I'm just imagining them all dancing in formation with shrunken testicles and voices to rival my own. Steroids for show choir, that has to be the dumbest thing I've ever heard."

"You can call me whenever you like," Blaine muttered. Kurt imagined he could see Blaine's face flush and he found himself smiling at the thought, "Don't let me keep you from the Great Belt Crisis of 2013."

"I'll try to swipe the belt that's covered in bow-ties, talk to you later B." Kurt replied happily, bouncing out of his chair and collecting the trash of his lunch as he hung up the phone and slipped it back in his pocket.

...

Later that night, Kurt called Blaine while studying for History of Dance and they remained on the phone for over an hour. First to allow Kurt's full explanation of what exactly causes a "belt crisis" in the first place and how such an issue is dealt with by proper professionals. Then for Blaine to explain, step-by-step, how he and Sam with the help of Finn and Warbler Trent brought the New Directions back to life after forfeiting Sectionals.

Before either of them knew it they were talking casually about even the smallest bits of their lives. Blaine regaled Kurt with all the duties he missed out on in failing to become senior class president (and looking back, Kurt's sort of happy he didn't have all that extra stuff to do his senior year). Followed by Kurt's detailed analysis of the glaring similarities and subtle differences between high school and college, which he finds both comforting and disheartening. In the end however, they both agree nothing can beat having a practical performance class. Kurt can almost hear Blaine drooling over the phone at the thought. They only hang up when Kurt's phone beeps in protest at the failing battery.

The next day is the first time since October that Blaine chooses to wear a bowtie to school and he finds he feels more like himself than he has all year.

* * *

**4\. Tuesday, January 29** **rd** **2013: 7:56am**

Kurt answered on the second ring with a frantic _"hello"._ He hadn't planned to hear from Blaine for a few more days and the sight of his name flashing across Kurt's phone when it was barely eight in the morning made his stomach drop to his knees. Had something gone wrong with his father?

"Kurt! OH MY GOD!" Blaine was shouting, his voice echoing in a way that made Kurt certain he was shut up in a bathroom stall at school. He spoke very fast, his voice extremely agitated. "She's pure evil, Kurt, completely and utterly malicious, just a _terrible human being._ You know what, I take that back, she's probably not even human. It's not possible, this isn't happening, this is completely insane."

"What? Who are you talking about? Are you okay?" Kurt inquired worried as he slipped outside; making a small indication to the receptionist. His heart seemed to inflate slightly in his chest while his stomach flipped again; this was clearly not about his dad.

"Couch Sue," Blaine spat and the floodgates seemed to open as the rest spilled out of his mouth in a torrent of anguish. "She's trying to force me back on the Cheerios even though I told her I don't have time. Seriously Kurt, she's forged my signature on this insane contract, she had Becky slip me some really expensive hair-gel that turned out to be rubber cement. She stole my identity, which my dad's lawyers are trying to fix after she took out 37 credit cards in my name."

"What!?" Kurt nearly screamed, the shrill of his voice causing several pigeons to take flight from surrounding roofs.

"But all of that was nothing compared to today, Kurt, you won't believe… just now I was walking into school and this little plane flies over the courtyard with a streamer attached to the back that said, _"Blaine is on the bottom_ " in massive letters. The whole damn school saw it." Blaine hiccupped, his anger ebbing into something more like humiliation.

"Oh My God," Kurt whispered with inflection, unable to find words to convey his mounting outrage.

"This is so embarrassing, and you know that's not even true;" Blaine said sheepishly, his voice thick as a tiny sob escaped his throat.

"Well..." Kurt challenged his tone full of playful accusation, effectively lightening the mood.

"Not every time!" Blaine shot back, a tiny giggle bubbled through the phone; "seriously though, you dealt with her for years, Kurt. How?!"

"Well, mostly I just gave her what she wanted, until she kicked me off the Cheerios my junior year because I was bringing down their reputation or some nonsense," Kurt disclosed, shaking his head at the memory. "She's not someone who can be easily reasoned with."

"Tell me about it," Blaine muttered bitterly, his voice seething.

"Aside from just, wait a minute," Kurt stopped dead, suddenly thoughtful. "Wait, when were you ever a _Cheerio_?"

Blaine blushed crimson, smiling despite himself, "Tina and I joined for a day when we thought New Directions was disbanded after we lost regionals. I think I went to one warm up practice, I never did a routine. I don't know what she's playing at, how am I supposed to be of use? And I just don't have time, with Glee and Student council and everything."

Kurt, momentarily distracted by the thought of Blaine in the tight red uniform, shook himself, "Right..."

"Kurt?" Blaine's voice squeaked and he cleared his throat loudly."Are you okay?"

"Of course," Kurt insisted, "It's just that uniform is a bit, um, formfitting." He swallowed heavily and Blaine felt himself blush deeper as a grin spread wide across his face, maybe being forced to be on the Cheerios wasn't the end of the world.

"Anyway, maybe Sam can help with some of your student council duties or something." Kurt reasoned, "The only way I know to handle Coach Sue is to beat her at her own game."

"Her own game?" Blaine mused, his mind running wild with all the crazy stuff Coach Sue had pulled in his short time at McKinley. The answer seemed too obvious to be simple. He didn't want to be on the Cheerios and no one in school could stand Coach Sue…

"Just be careful, Blaine," Kurt warned, his voice extremely serious. "Coach Sue always has something up her sleeve, and she's important to the squad. Trust me you don't want to see what those girls become without Sue lording over them. That was a frightening week."

"What do you mean?" Blaine asked, sitting back against the bathroom wall, curious.

"Most of those girls are banking on cheerleading scholarships, as long as they continue to win they have a full ride to anywhere in the Ohio State system." Kurt explained, "let's just say Brittany wasn't the only one who forgot to wear the nickers with her uniform that week."

"I'll keep that in mind," Blaine shuttered, trying to take a deep calming breath. "Thank you, Kurt. I was really freaking out when I called you. I just, that sign was really inexcusable."

"And often inaccurate;" Kurt added with sweet laugh that made Blaine's heart skip a beat as he smiled in earnest. Even if Sam and Tina didn't understand, Kurt did. "I've got to get back inside, you alright?"

"Ya, ya I'm fine," Blaine repeated as he felt his breath even out, "I'll be fine. I'll figure something out. Really, thanks Kurt."

"Good luck!" Kurt supplied cheerfully, "and don't worry about the sign, everyone will forget about it in a week. It's not like it was some big secret..."

"I know," Blaine sniffled, his voice slightly nervous. "Um, don't let me keep you from work. I'll talk to you Thursday?"

"Of course, and feel free to call me if you need anythiny. I may even have a few pieces of blackmail material left over from my time in the Cheerios," Kurt offered. Then Blaine heard the receptionist's muffled voice in the background, "oh! Gotta go, Isabelle needs me, I'll talk to you later Blaine."

"Bye Kurt," Blaine's voice echoed again around the bathroom as the line went dead.

* * *

**5\. Monday, February 4** **th** **2013 5:04pm**

Blaine could barely lift his hand to pull the ringing phone from his bedside table. The screen blinded him as he squinted through his cocoon of blankets. Internally cursing whoever had gotten him sick, Blaine wouldn't have bothered picking up if it had been anyone else calling. But even miserable, feeling like death's little brother; Blaine longed to hear Kurt's voice.

"Hello," he crocked into the phone, shuffling up his bed so the blankets weren't covering his ears.

"Blaine?" Kurt's voice was clearly shocked. "Blaine, what the… are you alright?"

"No," he cleared his aching throat before trying to elaborate. "I can't breathe, and my head feels like it's going to explode."

"How long have you been like this?" Kurt asked his voice heavy with concern. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Started over the weekend, my mom's been force feeding me cough syrup that just makes me fall asleep," Blaine explained as he reached for the fresh water on his nightstand to clear the lump in his throat. "It's just a bad head cold. It's not a big deal, I'll live."

"Go back to sleep Blaine," Kurt insisted with a heavy sigh.

"No wait," Blaine nearly spit out the water he'd been gulping in his haste to stop Kurt from hanging up. "You called, what's up?" he continued, trying to keep his voice even and normal while ignoring the urge to cough.

"I just wanted to check in," Kurt said offhand, despite the fact that he'd spoken to Carole the day before. Perhaps he just missed Blaine's voice, but nothing good could come from saying that, not right now. "You sound awful, hun. Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'll be fine, it's just, I think I'm losing my voice, probably shouldn't have sung that Queen solo in glee today." Blaine reasoned as he settled back against the headboard of his bed, "but I couldn't very well sit out Diva week."

"Blaine…" Kurt said, his voice full of playful judgement.

"Don't pretend like you wouldn't have done the same," Blaine shot back, masking a cough by trying to clear his still aching throat.

"That's ridiculous, I would never have chosen to sing Queen for Diva Week," Kurt defended with a sweet chuckles that made Blaine smile.

"Fair enough," Blaine tried to laugh, but was overtaken by a coughing spell that made him nearly drop the phone.

"Sounds like you need to take some more of that cough medicine, Mister," Kurt said as Blaine quieted down.

"I don't want to," Blaine whined, his voice raw, "it just makes me fall asleep. I feel like I've been in this bed for 3 days straight, my mom almost forced me to stay home from school today."

"You are always so stubborn when you get sick," Kurt mused, a smile in his voice. "You'll get better faster if you just take the medicine and sleep, ya know?"

"You always get all logical when I get sick," Blaine complained, pouting. "But when _you_ were sick I couldn't drag you out of bed."

"I looked like hell, Blaine, there was no way anyone was going to see me like that." Kurt nearly shrieked, his voice high and frantic. "I'm still embarrassed _you_ saw me like that."

"Don't be ridiculous," Blaine said with a soft laugh, remembering Kurt's short but dramatic head cold the previous year. "You always look beautiful and you were so warm."

"That was the fever Blaine," Kurt scoffed knowingly, a playful note of laughter in his tone. "And I think you have one right now."

Curious, Blaine reached for the thermometer that his mother had left on his nightstand and inserted the proper piece into his free ear. When he pulled it away to read the numbers he cursed under his breath.

"That's what I thought," Kurt said pointedly. "I've kept you awake long enough, take some more medicine and go back to sleep. I'll call Carole about my dad, Feel better, Blaine."

"Okay," Blaine choked out, suddenly on the verge of tears. "Sorry I couldn't be there for your dad this weekend."

"Don't be silly, you've been amazing this past month and you've got to take care of yourself too." said Kurt, then his voice dropped to a whisper and he spoke without thought, "I miss you."

"I miss you too, Kurt, so much," Blaine muttered as a few tears escaped his puffy eyes. Often Blaine remembered how certain he'd felt, first before his mistake and then so much worse after, that Kurt didn't care about him anymore. The foolishness of his own actions gripped him from the inside, so it felt like someone was trying to squeeze his heart from his chest. But Kurt was still here, Kurt had never really left. Kurt still cared for him, even after Blaine had hurt him.

"Sleep well, you better be healthy by the time I get to town next week." Kurt demanded, his voice serious but playful in a way that made a goofy smile stretch across Blaine's now tear streaked face.

"Deal," Blaine agreed, "I'll talk to you soon, Kurt."

"Goodnight Blaine," Kurt said sarcastically, leaving Blaine to giggle as the line cut off. Within seconds, his mother was bustling into his room, cough syrup and a washcloth in hand. She waited for Blaine to stop coughing again before descending on him and minutes later he was unconscious, cocooned in blankets once more.

* * *

**6** **. Sunday** **February 10, 2013** **8:02pm**

Kurt scribbled a few notes in the margins as he finished proofing the last of his articles for the night. He stretched and yawned, rubbing his fists over his blurry eyes to clear his vision, his eyes fell on the calendar next to him. Valentine's was four days away, the date marked for Mr. Schue and Mr. Pillsbury's long overdue wedding and Kurt's flight back to Lima.

The thought of returning home was nerve-wracking, no matter how much he wanted to see his dad. He knew his father be thinner and worn, full of chemicals working to kill the thing that was trying to kill him. However, there were other things that made Kurt feel timid and frankly, horrified by the prospect of returning to Ohio. His old friends, the town he grew up in; but mainly Blaine, his ex-boyfriend, whom Kurt was having a hard time working out his feelings for lately.

Some days he felt certain that he and Blaine would inevitably end up together, days when they were both sneaking texts to each other during class or talking until the last possible second over breaks. On days when Kurt would hear the familiar chime of the McKinley bell through the phone, he often forgot not to picture himself next to Blaine again. And he was left wondering how it all had gone so wrong.

Through he had been on a handful of dates since he and Blaine broke up, most of which were nothing more than a simple hour of luke-warm coffee and cold conversation; every one of them seemed to remind him of what he'd lost.

A loud bang on the front door made Kurt jump and pulled him from his thoughts. Santana all but fell into the loft a moment later, covered in shopping bags and tripping over her own feet while cursing loudly about cab drivers or tourists. With an exacerbated sigh, Kurt retreated behind his curtain again, turning to pick up his suddenly ringing phone.

"Hey," Kurt said with a smirk after a quick glance at the screen revealed a snapshot of Blaine's goofiest smile. "You couldn't have thrown me a bone and tied Santana to a chair or something to keep her in Ohio and _out of my house_?"

Blaine barked a loud, joyful laugh; "sorry. I tired, but you know she bites."

"She's been here for less than a day and it's already complete insanity," Kurt said, falling heavy across his bed. "And I think she spent her entire savings shopping today."

"And she didn't bring you with?" Blaine inquired, playfully shocked and offended on Kurt's behalf.

"I know, completely inconsiderate," Kurt agreed, followed by a short, comfortable silence. That was until Santana started singing in the background, her voice echoing around the apartment and through the phone. "Lord help me," Kurt moaned.

Blaine laughed lightly, a soft smile in his voice.

"Sorry, Hi Blaine," Kurt said poignantly, sitting up on the bed, "you sound better."

"Hello, Kurt. Yes, I'm much better," said Blaine, his voice quiet as he settled into his desk chair. "Thanks…um, how are things in New York? I feel like I've capitalized our last few conversations."

"Oh! Well…" Kurt squeaked, surprised as he thought back on their last few calls, which admittedly centered on his father or Blaine. Standing up as he spoke, Kurt continued enthusiastically. "Things are good, really good; it was a crazy week though. Vogue is extremely busy in preparations for next fall and work is good, ya know, for what is is. I need the money and the atmosphere is great, as are some of the amazing people who come through there. But Rachel and I had a bit of a row this week. She's been driving me up the wall since she won the Winter Showcase and NYADA wasn't helping at all. You wouldn't believe the way some of the other students fawn over her, even upperclassmen. I mean, I know she's got the voice and all but come on! Her ego was already the size of Jupiter, as you well know. She was becoming a full blown nightmare, worse than usual; so I challenged her to Midnight Madness."

"What's that?" Blaine inquired intently.

"It's a thing that NYADA students do," Kurt explained, pacing around his small room. "Everyone sneaks into a studio at midnight to perform a sing off, one on one, same song, no preparation. The students in attendance pick the winner."

"Oh, that sounds magnificent! But then... I imagine Rachel wasn't assumed," Blaine put in, laughter in his voice.

"Not at all, especially since I finally told her the truth about our Diva off in sophomore year." Kurt reflected, his tone happily mischievous.

"You mean how you blew the high note in Defying Gravity on purpose," Blaine remembered, his voice laced with annoyance at the thought of the story. "After that tool called your father?"

"More or less," Kurt conceded. "She was pissed enough about that, but became completely demoralized after I won."

"Kurt!"Blaine nearly shouted, bouncing up in his chair. "That's awesome!"

"It really was great! Plus you know me and Rachel worked it out in the end." Kurt concluded, smiling hugely; "she's finally got her feet back on the ground. We're auditioning for Funny Girl a few weeks after the wedding. I'm just going for her of course, there's not really a part for me in that play but…"

"But you're a great friend," Blaine finished for him; "and Rachel was born to play Fanny Brice."

"That she was," Kurt agreed quietly.

"So, how's the rest of NYADA?" Blaine asked, eager to keep Kurt talking. "I imagine it's not all midnight sing offs with Rachel."

"Oh! School is great, really amazing and the classes are just, I've learned so much," Kurt exclaimed, then he paused and his voice turned thoughtful. "Though I'm not so sure about the Apples, the show choir I mean."

"Why's that?" Blaine said his voice breaking slightly as his heart twisted. They had only discussed the Adam's Apples a few times, for which Blaine was thankful; the knowledge that Kurt was freely dating other people, let alone the lead of another glee club (who was probably singing songs at Kurt every week) left a thick lump in Blaine's throat.

"Don't get me wrong, I really adore most of them," Kurt said, his voice guarded as if he was choosing his words carefully. "It's just none of them really dream very big. The lot of them would be happy with a chorus-line part in the New Jersey Theater's production of a Christmas Story. I don't really feel like I fit in with them, it kind of reminds me of the Warblers actually."

Kurt's voice faded slightly and Blaine remembered, fleetingly, their time together at Dalton. Months as friends and then mere weeks as boyfriends before Kurt got the chance to go back to McKinley. Even then, he knew that Kurt didn't belong at Dalton, everything right down to the uniforms was wrong for Kurt.

"It's all kind of strange though, after my performance at the winter showcase and now this week with Rachel. It's like I'm the most popular or whatever and I don't really like it, they're all always talking about me or comparing their performances to mine." Kurt was struggling to find words that didn't divulge into his strangely public courtship with Adam, though a great deal of his issues with the apples lie in the groups obsession with Adam and his "new boyfriend." They had only been on a few dates, they hung out at school most days but Kurt didn't feel like Adam was his boyfriend. It bothered him that so many people, Adam included, were making such a thing of it.

Blaine smiled, his heart beating soundly in his chest at listening to Kurt work out his feelings like he always did when he needed to get something right in his head. To Blaine it felt like he had beaten through one of Kurt's many walls.

"It's unnerving," Kurt finished sheepishly as he stopped pacing at the sound of the shower clunking on.

Blaine, who was used to this kind of treatment, didn't know what to say. So, he asked a question instead, "what song did you get for Midnight Madness? How was it chosen?"

"Oh, songs are chosen by the upperclassmen," Kurt explained. "Ours was _Bring Him Home_ from Les Mis."

"I bet that was something to see," Blaine said sadly, his imagination running away from him in the silence that followed. Some part of him couldn't bare to think about all the performance's he was missing, all the people getting to hear Kurt's voice when he couldn't; made worse by the inescapable fact that Kurt wasn't his anymore. It sometimes felt like his heart was breaking all over again, until he remembered that Kurt was living his dreams. With that he couldn't feel anything but joy for the man he loved, and hope for their future together. He had to hold on to hope.

"So, did everything work out with Tina?" Kurt broke the silence, a chuckle in his voice as he sat back down on his bed.

"Not exactly and dammit Kurt it's still not funny," Blaine insisted as Kurt started laughing in earnest, though there was amusement in his voice as well. Truthfully, Tina's continued pursuit of him left Blaine feeling rather dumbfounded. He didn't know how to make it more plain that he wasn't interested in her and no one seemed to really understand.

"It is kind of funny from where I'm sitting," Kurt offered, failing to control his enjoyment.

"I made her mad this week, though I don't really know how…" Blaine admitted, his voice laced with confusion, suddenly desperate to discuss the situation fully. "I guess she was sort of taking care of me while I was sick. That's not to say, she just gave me a cold buster kit. I don't know what was in that soup but I was out like a light; when I woke up she had gone and I could finally breathe again. But the next day at school, she screamed at me, something about how I don't appreciate her because I won't give her what she wants... "

"Oh god…" Kurt breathed, his voice muffled by his hand held aghast over his mouth.

"Then she performed "Hung Up" by Madonna at me, which made it hard to be upset with her. I've never seen Tina like that before; she killed that number, Kurt." Blaine conceded, unnerved by Kurt's sudden silence. "Still, I don't really know what to do here. I'm not, ya know, interested in her like that. I thought we were just friends, I thought she was getting over this."

It took a moment for Kurt to respond, and when he did, his voice was full of shocked, annoyed disbelief. "She sang at you _again_? What does she think some song is just going to magically change your sexuality and you'll fall at her feet to declare your true undying love for her?"

Blaine barked out a laugh, thankful that at least one person understood; "I don't know. She certainly seems under the impression that there was a chance," he admitted, frowning.

"She's being foolish. You've been clear that you're friends, just friends," Kurt added his voice betraying his level of irritation. "If she wants to keep embarrassing herself there's not much you can do to stop her."

"As a sort of peace offering, I offered to accompany her to the wedding next week," Blaine put in sheepishly. "Though, in hindsight, I don't know if it was the best idea…"

"That works, I'm taking Rachel so we'll make it like a ' _gays with their beards'_ themed wedding." Kurt offered with a cheeky laugh, happy to change the subject as Blaine's voice continued to get more defeated.

"Rachel? What about her boyfriend?" Blaine asked, crestfallen. He had been hoping for Kurt to protest and insist they attend the wedding together, Though some part of him knew that was foolish. It made him feel a sudden sympathy for his friend; clearly, Tina had gotten her hopes up just as he had.

"Brody won't come, says it's too weird to attend a wedding for someone he's never met," Kurt explained. "She fought him on it but I think she's secretly happy about his decision. I know she's not ready to introduce Brody to her dads or Finn and l can't say I disagree. I don't know about Brody sometimes."

"What do you mean?" Blaine asked, slightly worried as he lifted himself off his hard desk chair, stretching after being still for too long. Kurt hadn't said a lot about Brody since the day Rachel had moved him in without so much as a word about it.

"It's just, little things… like, since he moved in he spends less nights actually in the loft then before he lived here. And he always smells like Chanel no. 5 when Rachel only ever wears Clinique Happy," Kurt mused, ticking off all the strangest things his head. "He gets stuck outside the city a lot, but his job and school and everything are in Manhattan so like, what is he even doing in Jersey? Don't get me wrong, I like Brody, he's hilarious and he makes Rachel happy, but I still think it's a bit soon for him to be living here."

"Well, ya! It's more than a bit soon, Kurt!" Blaine put in, his voice rising. "It's downright insane. You know I love Rachel but she must be out of her mind! She was engaged to another guy like six months ago!"

"I know, I don't get it either," Kurt said, his voice going suddenly flat. They were both silent for a moment, before he could dwell on too much on how many things had changed since Rachel and Finn were engaged. Kurt continued jokingly despite the lump in his throat,"I'm just glad I finally got Brody to stop walking around the loft naked."

"What?!" Blaine's voice rose, stiff with shock.

"You really don't want to know," Kurt replied snickering, his voice overwrought with boredom. "I was unimpressed."

"Well, that's too bad for Rachel," Blaine observed with a deep chuckle. Suddenly, Kurt's sweetest laugh rang through the phone, echoing around the loft. Then Santana was yelling something that sounded to Blaine like: " _Lady Hummel stop bellowing like a hyena in heat."_

"Shut up Santana, I'm on the phone!" Kurt called back smiling despite himself as the laughter died away. Santana was mumbling loudly from beyond the curtain, he heard something that sounded like _I bet I can guess who you've been talking to for so long_. Ignoring her, Kurt's gaze fell again to the calender hanging on the wall and he made his way toward it as he spoke. "By the way, thanks for the calendar," Kurt said to Blaine, flipping to December for hundredth time. "I assume this was Tina's idea?"

Blaine chuckled, blushing; "yes it was, we sold them to raise money for the trip to regionals. Did pretty well actually..."

"All we ever did was have a bake sale," Kurt snickered, slightly jealous but amused. "Course Puck put pot in the brownies."

"No he did NOT!" Blaine howled, nearly dropping the phone.

"Just enough to make people come back for more."

"Only Puck would do that and totally get away with it," Blaine replied, laughing and shaking his head at the thought.

Silence seemed to engulf the conversation as Kurt smiled, staring out the window of his room. He had missed this, missed Blaine more than he'd let himself think about for months. As he met more and more new people, he often wondered if he would ever feel connected to anyone like he did with Blaine. Then he remembered Battery Park last October and thought, perhaps, that was a good thing.

Kurt cleared his throat loudly, groping for something to say; "So, other than that how's school? Not all playgirl photo-shoots I hope. You need to finish high school, Blaine."

Blaine snickered as he plopped down on the edge of his bed, "very funny, schools fine. And you know, everyone's super excited for the wedding this week."

"Speaking of which," Kurt cut in, "Rachel, Santana and I won't get in until like noon on Thursday. It was the best flight we could get but I think we'll have to pull a quick change in the airport before speeding to the church." Kurt said thoughtfully before his voice became timid, almost nervous; "I'm staying through the weekend though, to spend time with my Dad. Maybe we could catch a show at the Revival House? I really miss that place. I mean as _just friends_ , obviously."

Blaine felt like his heart had imploded as his mind flashed back again to a few months, remembering the coldest days of his life. The days when he'd been so certain of his fears and so convinced that Kurt was over him that he'd made the biggest mistake of his life. The thought still made him feel foolish, naive and downright ridiculous in hindsight.

As the days of Kurt talking to him again had passed into weeks and now, stretched into months. Blaine was often forced to realize how wrong he'd been and how much he'd hurt the man he loved with his thoughtless actions. But despite all of it, Kurt was still here. Kurt still wanted Blaine in his life, somehow and all of a sudden Blaine felt that maybe he had more to hold onto then just hope.

"I would really love that," Blaine said his voice thick with emotion as a few happy tears escaped his eyes. "I can check out what's showing and text you?"

"Great! We'll plan for Friday," Kurt stopped short his palms suddenly sweating, his voice shook. "As long as you don't have plans…"

"Of course not," Blaine replied, bemused. No plan in the world would be important enough to blow off a date with Kurt.

"Great! It's been awhile since I got to see a play with a friend," Kurt mused and Blaine's heart sank through the floor again. Right, he thought, _just friends._ He'd have to remember that, _just friends._

The first uncomfortable silence of the conversation followed. Kurt was biting his lip, his eyes trained on the wall of his bedroom as his head spun. _Was it really a good idea to spend time with the guy who broke his heart?_ Kurt simply didn't know, but the part of him that wanted to see his ex-boyfriend again seemed to be growing bigger and more impatient by the day.

The silence broke when a loud knock on Blaine's bedroom door caused them both to jump, startled. "Sorry," Blaine giggled, breathless and Kurt swore under his breath. "Sorry Kurt, just one second."

Kurt didn't respond, he could hear Blaine's mother's voice slightly muffled over the line.

"Right okay… fine... Um, Kurt I'm sorry, but I have to go," Blaine's voice came back to the phone, clearly annoyed. "It's Coop, he's on the phone with my mother and he says he needs to talk to me _right away_ about something _very important_."

"He's probably forgotten how to work a g-string again," Kurt chuckled, his voice resigned but playful. The note made Blaine feel that Kurt didn't want to end the call any more than he did.

"O god," Blaine was blushing fiercely, shaking his head while his mother pushed her phone at him; "at least I'm not there to see it this time."

"Silver lining," Kurt offered softly. "Go help your brother before he hurts himself. I'll see you on Thursday, Blaine."

"Thursday," Blaine confirmed smiling hugely; his mother let out an audible sigh as she dropped the phone into his lap and turned to leave the room. Blaine could already hear Cooper talking, "I can't wait to see you! Bye, Kurt."

"Bye," Kurt said but for a moment, he didn't move to end the call. He could hear Blaine breathing over the line as the moment stretched on, filling in everything neither of them couldn't say until Cooper's voice rent the air and Kurt finally heard the familiar beep as the line went dead.

He stared down at the screen as Blaine's face flashed bright, then disappeared. Looking up at a blank stretch of wall with unwarranted interest he thought to himself, _soon_ and his palms started to sweat again.


	20. Gateway (414-415)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (this is a (sorta) short piece just to covers a missing scene and some background from 414 and 415. I didn't want to put too much into this because I think, overall, these episodes speak for themselves and so, with that in mind, this just filler because GLEE never was big on good transitions)

**Gateway (414 - 415)**

* * *

Kurt realized, too late, that he'd totally forgotten to finish packing for the wedding weekend in Lima. It was the morning of Valentine's Day and he found himself tripping over Rachel and oddly, Santana while tossing random bottles into his suitcase and praying that the suit bag would keep everything important in proper condition. Only when they reached the airport did they have a moment to breathe, knowing that once they landed in Ohio they'd have to move very fast.

The flight seemed to take no time at all and suddenly they were rushing through another crowded airport. They collected their bags before ducking into an airport bathroom to change for the wedding, an action that made Kurt feel rather cheap. He'd hoped to catch an earlier flight, to have more time, but this had been the only real option, price wise. Not to mention the fact that the few classes he was missing made him anxious enough. So while trying to press out the forbidden wrinkles in his suit, he exited the bathroom amidst a bundle of bags and called their ride, his ex-boyfriend.

Blaine answered on the first ring, his voice bright. "Hey, I'm here. I parked, where are…?"

His voice trailed off and Kurt turned to search the area, thinking he knew why. His gaze found Blaine's across the terminal and his face broke into a wide, open smile. Kurt couldn't deny it, Blaine looked amazing. Dapper, handsome and just downright sexy in formal wear. Plus he was looking at Kurt like he hung the stars. In that moment all Kurt's anger and heartache over what had happened seemed to vanish.

He knew he should hate the way the world lite up around Blaine, the way his walk seemed to slow and his breath caught as they shared a somewhat shy smile. He knew nothing had changed since Christmas, or since October when everything had fallen apart between them and yet somehow it didn't matter now. All that mattered was the look on Blaine's face, the perfect lines of his suit and all Kurt wanted was to be near him again. The spark between them felt tangible, like static in the air. This was Blaine, his Blaine. Always.

"Nice suit," Kurt smirked, recognizing his own flawless tailoring as Blaine stopped in front of him, looking dazed. For a moment they both stared, savoring the electricity between them. That was until Rachel appeared by his side, oblivious to the moment she was intruding on.

"Kurt come on, I can't get the clasp and Santana says it'll mess up her nails."

* * *

For the next four days all the rules of a normal break-up went out the window. Kurt's lips found Blaine's before they'd even made it out of his car at the church and neither had any recollection of moving to the backseat. Absorbed in the excitement of it all, Kurt lost himself. There was something about the setting, something about attending the wedding of two people he watched fall in love. Something about Blaine and he knew better than to let himself dwell on that. With everything going on he reasoned that he had earned a break, and he deserved some small semblance of happiness.

For Kurt's long weekend home he went out of his way to spend as much time with his ex-boyfriend as humanly possible and even though he knew he shouldn't, he loved every second of it. A last fling, he told himself, everyone hooks up at weddings and his body craved Blaine after so many months alone. No one would judge him for giving in just this once.

Well, maybe Santana, but she had no room to talk.

The truth was that Kurt had always loved and wanted to be with Blaine. The fact that he had broken Kurt's heart hadn't changed that. And despite all that had changed since the last time Kurt was in Lima, they were still friends. Best friends. That at least would never change.

* * *

Singing with Kurt was bliss, being on stage, and holding Kurt in his arms as they danced. It was everything that Blaine wanted, needed and longed for. Spellbound by Kurt's mere presence, Blaine savored every unexpected touch, every surprise kiss. Despite the way Kurt kept slipping in comments like _just friends_ and _not a date_ , Blaine felt a great sense of hope.

In the days following the wedding that wasn't, they went to community plays and out to the movies before sharing plates at their favorite haunts around town. To Blaine it felt like a new start, a second chance with the man who owed his heart.

On Kurt's last night in Ohio Burt opened his home, as always and Blaine was surprised at being allowed to share Kurt's bed. Even knowing his mistakes, Kurt's father still supported their relationship and the significance of that wasn't lost on Blaine. They stayed up late, watching old TV shows that they both loved and talking for hours, as though they were banking their time together. The moments of affection were slipped in seamlessly, like before and to Blaine it felt like a promise.

A promise of _never saying goodbye_.

* * *

The plane landed at JFK amid a torrent of weather warnings for the greater Manhattan area. The girls were thankful just to make it home before the snow really started falling, but Kurt was close to panicking after spending the day of travel at war with himself. He couldn't seem to process the weekend, from the backseat of Blaine's car to the hotel room at the reception to his own bedroom, everything was a blur of passion he thought he was over. He needed to be over it. He needed to be over Blaine.

A few minutes into unpacking his suitcase he decided to call Adam, hoping for a distraction. The city around him was already closing down and he couldn't bear the prospect of being trapped alone in the loft with Rachel and Santana for who knew how long.

Adam answered on the second ring and offered to come over without Kurt really having to ask. He avoided the sigh in his throat as the line clicked off by rushing to take a shower. Knowing that he needed to wash off the day of travel before the guy he was dating showed up and smelled sex on him.

The shower provided Kurt with a certain level of clarity. This was his home now, this place in another city away from Blaine. The future they'd planned together had been lost months ago and the nothing could change that.

The heat of the water burned through him allowing him to reign in his thoughts. To say that he had thoroughly enjoyed his weekend away was an understatement, but the reality of his relationship remained the same. Blaine had broken his trust and his heart. They were better off as friends. He could move on now, he could let go of his first love. He could want someone who wasn't Blaine. Someone like the tall blonde guy with a british accent who was currently travelling through a storm just to see him.

As he finished his shower he focused his thoughts on Adam and NYADA and New York and everything he loved about his new life. Anything to keep him from thinking about the love he'd lost.

It was a bit later, while Kurt was getting dressed when a knock on the door echoed over Rachel's loud singing and Santana's louder music. For a moment he hesitated, and it was that hesitation that solidified his resolve. He liked Adam, he could love him too. He could move on. He would move on.

* * *

The week after Blaine's favorite Valentine's day on record passed in a whirlwind. The New Directions spent every waking moment rehearsing as they hashed out their big comeback for regionals. Even with Mr. Schue distracted by his relationship trouble, the group knew time was running out and they needed to focus. They had one shot to bring the team back after their disastrous showing at Sectionals and everyone felt it. From the seniors who needed a Nationals win to add to their college applications, to the underclassmen who needed the GLEE club to continue next year.

The list of possible songs seemed endless and they knew the team couldn't just show up, they had to win. This was about bringing the Nationals winning New Directions back from the grave. There were several nights that Blaine returned home late and exhausted, glad to avoid the fact that Kurt was pretty much unreachable due to a storm that had covered New York City in ice and snow. In fact he was glad for the distractions as he worked through what happened between them.

The memory of Kurt remained fresh in his mind, hot and warm and new. The thought of their bodies flush together, dancing and singing and making love, left Blaine arrested with desire. Over the course of the long weekend he had found that Kurt had gained a new level of confidence since he'd moved to New York. He was no longer timid in his actions, no longer embarrassed by his desires and Blaine loved it. He wanted Kurt this way, he wanted Kurt forever.

Despite the storm, Blaine continued to receive texts. The majority consisted of silly rants about the girls, which he could understand because being trapped anywhere with Rachel and Santana for days on end was pretty much his definition of a nightmare. But there other things, it started with simple additions like Kurt adding an _I wish you were here_ line to the end of a rant. Then there were casual comments about their recent hook-up that made it clear it was anything but casual.

However, the message that meant the most to Blaine came late on the last night of the storm, so late that he didn't respond, thinking it a dream. But the next morning it proved to be real. The message consisted of three simple words that said everything Blaine needed to hear.

_Come What May_ \- Kurt (2:06am)


	21. Dark & Light (415)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This scene occurs in the aftermath of the storm

**Dark and Light (4.15)**

* * *

"How long has he been like this?" Santana asked quietly from her spot on the couch, her eyes strayed off the TV where she and Rachel were watching a particularly annoying musical. Focusing instead on the bathroom door, where Kurt was showering after what could only be called an awkward goodbye with Adam.

"What do you mean?" Rachel said in her sing-song voice that always rubbed Santana the wrong way.

"Kurt! You daft dwarf!" Santana's voice remained low but turned forceful, her judgmental eyes shifting to the seat where Rachel was curled up under a blanket. "How can you not see that he's miserable? And his annoyingly anal quirks have become a lot worse, seriously Rachel! I've only been here for a little over a week, there's no way you haven't noticed."

"I still don't know what you mean," Rachel shook her head, her eyes never leaving the TV. "I never found Kurt's quirks to be annoying."

"You're a damn liar," Santana groaned, "the stacking thing alone is one of the most annoying things I've ever seen."

"I guess that kind of stuff mostly started after he found out about his dad's cancer." Rachel squeaked, still not looking away from the TV, which made Santana want to slap her. "That's totally to be expected. It's not a big deal, once his dad gets better, he'll be fine."

Santana studied Rachel for a moment, suspicious and annoyed. "Are you sure it didn't start after the break up with Blaine?"

"Don't be silly," Rachel shook her head, amused. "He's totally over that idiot cheater."

"Are you high?" Santana's voice echoed around the loft as she leaned forward and grabbed Rachel's arm, forcing her to meet her eye line. "Or just blind? Do you even know Kurt at all? Did you not see him weeping over that song?"

"That has nothing to do with anything," Rachel shook her head again as she yanked her arm back, pouting. "He always cries during movies."

"O Please," Santana sighed, falling back against the couch again to avoid the temptation to actually cause Rachel lasting physical harm.

"Kurt's seeing Adam now," Rachel conceded, turning back to the TV. "And besides, Kurt doesn't want or need Blaine anymore, he's got me."

"O god, you did not just say that," Santana yelled, shooting up to her feet, "you can't possibly be serious."

"What do you mean? Of course I'm serious." Rachel shrugged, looking up at Santana. Her smile, Santana thought, was rather smug, as though she'd finally won something she'd been vying for. "This is his home now, with me. Kurt doesn't love Blaine anymore, not after what that asshole did."

"You are out of your mind, you've got to be the biggest idiot on the planet!" Santana scoffed turning away from Rachel, exacerbated. Only to find Kurt staring daggers at the two of them from the bathroom doorway, wrapped in a robe with a look of pure disdain on his face. He walked into the living room slowly, his eyes hard on them both. When Rachel saw him she sank slowly behind her chair.

"Nice conversation?" Kurt asked when he was about a foot from them, his eyes shifting from Santana's look of shock to Rachel's look of guilt and back again. "Just so we're clear, I'm fine. I may be seeing Adam right now, but Blaine is still my best friend. _Yes_ , he did a very stupid thing and because of that we're not together anymore, but he's not an asshole. I will always love Blaine." Kurt stopped, surprised at his own words, he stared at the two of them for a moment, finding it hard to breathe through his rage. "And the next time you two want to talk about me, maybe you could wait until I've left the apartment."

Kurt turned away, disappearing behind the curtains to his room before Rachel or Santana were able to blink. He sat, still damp, on the corner of his bed, overwhelmed with what he'd just said. Because he still loved Blaine, it was undeniable.

He pulled the robe tight around his shoulders, refusing to hunch over and cry for the millionth time in the last few months, because he couldn't bury himself under the truth any longer. He loved Blaine, the last man he'd been with was Blaine. Adam had just spent four days trapped in his home by a snowstorm and the most they'd done was kiss. Granted they had Rachel and Santana hovering over them the whole time, but some part of Kurt was aware that he'd never had any desire to be alone with Adam.

He looked up to the DVD case for Moulin Rouge sitting in front of him on the top of his desk. He couldn't remember bringing it in here, but he knew why he had. His mind kept flashing back to the visions he'd had of Blaine while watching Satine and Christian vow their love through song, the song that he and Blaine had been saving for their wedding.

"Way to go, Santana." He heard Rachel try to whisper, though she didn't actually have a whisper voice to speak of.

"Don't put this on me, you're the one who's been ignoring it," Santana actually whispered back, but Kurt couldn't help hear her. "Pretending like Kurt's happy just being your fag purse, you're pathetic."

"Don't you dare…"Rachel's voice rose higher, squeaking the way it always did when someone called her out.

"Oh I dare! You're nothing but a junior level hag, and I thought I was a heartless bitch." Santana was no longer bothering to keep quiet.

Kurt tuned them out as he stood up, finished drying off and found the first outfit suitable to leave in. He ended up in a pair of thick sweats, quickly deciding to dress as warm as possible for a long walk around the freshly snow covered city that never sleeps.

He sneaked past the girls yelling match, pulling his coat off the peg by the door and hit the elevator before he'd finished tying his shoes. For the first time in years he didn't care that his hair was flat and wet under his hat, he didn't care if he returned to find that one of his roommates had murdered the other one. He didn't care about the awkwardness with Adam or how much he missed Blaine or any other part of his stupid life, he just wanted to see Central Park covered in a blanket of fresh clean snow with his own eyes.

It was colder and darker than he expected when he hit the street, immediately sinking past his ankles in a pile of soft wet snow. Pausing for a moment to fit his headphones on, he started towards the park, choosing an old playlist at random. He boarded the (finally restarted) Subway while listening to "daydream believer," smiling at the empty car; grateful for having even a few minutes to himself.

He got off a stop before Central Park, cursing his ipod as he skipped over songs about romance and eternity, because he knew now that was all just childish fantasy.

The sight of Central Park took his breath away, soft lights glowed and danced off the freshly fallen snow, nearly untouched by footprints. The sun was still rising behind the clouds of the storm, Kurt didn't know how early it was but he realized it must have been extremely dark when he'd sent Adam home.

He moved slowly into the park, choosing paths without propose, after a few moments he decided to store his headphones away so he could hear the city. Everyone seemed to be waking up, digging out after so many days of being stranded by the impossible weather. As he walked, the park looked more and more like a scene from a Christmas Carole, everything draped in white and frosted in sparkling ice. Part of his mind had been dissecting all the things Santana must have found when she searched the loft and at that moment he was reminded the bubblegum wrapper ring in his dresser drawer, hidden under some rarely used sweaters. Blaine had made that ring for their first Christmas together, he made a mental note to make sure it was undamaged when he got back to the loft.

Once he'd walked long enough for the sun to clear the horizon line, his feet going numb in the wet cold, he found a bench that had been spared most of the snowfall by a canopy of trees. Clearing a spot he sat down and huddled in his coat, looking around hungrily. He was in the middle of Central Park, in the middle of New York City and he belonged here, this was his home and it was beautiful. Taking deep breaths, Kurt relished in the feeling of where he was, he'd battled and lost and fought to get here for so many years and he hadn't really had the chance to take it all in.

Every second since he arrived he'd been making plans, finding ways to live as many of his dreams as he possibly could and he was profoundly proud of himself. He'd been interning at Vogue for nearly six months now and his boss, the famous Isabelle Wright, kept finding ways to extend his time with them. He'd managed to get accepted into one of the most prestigious performing art schools in the country and he was excelling there, loving every minute of it. He'd met some amazing new people and while none of the auditions he'd been to have panned out, the simple act of attending Broadway and off-Broadway auditions in New York City was enough to make him feel accomplished. He knew that eventually, it would bother him that he wasn't getting call-backs but for now, he felt he was paying his dues, nothing had ever been handed to him and he knew how to preserve. The fact that he was sitting here at all was proof of that.

Lost in the city, Kurt felt his cell phone vibrate in his pocket and on instinct, he knew it would be Rachel. However he found he wasn't ready to hear her half assed apologies. He knew he'd been gone awhile though, so he pulled out his phone, ignored her call and sent a quick text, telling her to give him time and that he was fine. As he went to put his phone away however, it rang again and with a sigh that turned into a smile, he answered the call.

"Hello, Blaine," Kurt said simply, the smile evident in his voice.

"Hey Kurt, I'm just getting ready for school, but I heard you were finally free of the loft!" Blaine sounded far too excited and awake for the early hour, but his tone made Kurt giggle.

"That's not an experience I want to repeat any time soon," Kurt breathed a sigh a relief, loving the fresh clean cold air that filled his lungs. "Would you believe that since Santana got here, she has apparently searched our entire apartment?"

"WHAT?" Blaine laughed uncomfortably amused.

"I'm dead serious, she went through everything." Kurt sighed deeply, annoyance leaking through his voice, "She basically turned over the loft."

"Why?" Blaine squeaked, outraged on Kurt's behalf.

"That wasn't clear, she only brought it up because she found Brody's pager and twelve hundred dollars in cash," Kurt gushed. "Now she's convinced he's a drug dealer, which I have to admit would explain a lot."

"Oh my god, what has Rachel gotten herself into?" Blaine snickered, his voice turning more playfully relaxed. "How are you going to live with Rachel AND Santana? Someone's going to wake up with a shaved head one morning."

"If it's me, I will murder them both," Kurt insisted.

Laughing, they lapsed into comfortable conversation, Kurt could hear Blaine shuffling around as he got ready and he found himself imaging laying across Blaine's bed in his warm house, watching him collect himself before school. The thought made him homesick and he quickly decided not to dwell on the implications of that. Instead he made his way back to the loft, making a mental list of all the things he needed to get done now that the city was open again.

The call ended as Kurt approached his apartment building, because Blaine had to drive to school and Kurt stopped, taking a deep breath before unlocking the door. Part of his mind was preparing for whatever he was about to walk back into, but mostly he relished in the immense sense of relief his trip home had given him. Deciding not to analyze it, he unlocked the door to the loft and found Rachel and Santana passed out on the living furniture, every light in the loft ablaze.


	22. Complicated (415)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: This piece represents one of the last date's between Kurt Hummel and Adam Crawford, this is written as the date Adam suggests to Kurt at NYADA after the "come what may" snowstorm and conversation. This is written as a missing performance, a Kurt solo on Katy Perry's "Thinking Of You" and obviously is focused on the Klaine on it all.

 

* * *

**Complicated** (415)

Kurt had to keep reminding himself that he'd agreed to the date, that he had a million reasons to like and want to spend time with Adam. And yet, he hadn't enjoyed the movie and his favorite dish at his favorite restaurant tasted dry and bland. His irritation and discomfort kept leading his thoughts to the same place, his ex.

They had slept together less than a week ago, after making out in the backseat of car, a broom cupboard and the coat closet at Mr. Schue's not wedding. At the time Kurt thought it was harmless. He hadn't been able to get enough of Blaine and their past was forgotten in passion, but in the stark light of day the truth was the same. Blaine had broken their trust, he had cheated, and yet, Kurt missed him deeply. In fact it seemed worse now, with the memory of Blaine so fresh in his mind. He was supposed to move on, but what if he couldn't? What if Blaine really was the one for him and he was giving up on it?

Kurt knew Adam was talking, trying to find the romance in what had been a decidedly unromantic movie, trying to salvage this last chance at stealing Kurt's heart. Kurt took a brief moment to wonder if Adam knew, if he could tell how gone Kurt was. He thought he must have some idea because under the table, Kurt was tapping his foot to tune of the song stuck in his head.

_Comparisons are easily done_  
_Once you've had a taste of perfection_  
_Like an apple hanging from a tree_  
_I picked the ripest one  
_ _I still got the seed_

_You said move on_  
_Where do I go?_  
_I guess second best  
_ _Is all I will know_

_'Cause when I'm with him_  
_I am thinking of you_  
_Thinking of you_  
_What you would do if_  
_You were the one_  
_Who was spending the night_  
_Oh I wish that I  
_ _Was looking into your eyes_

Kurt didn't let Adam walk him home that night, insisting that he needed time alone. It had been an uncomfortable evening and the parting was no different. The obligatory kiss lost in half-hugs and 'I'm sorry's. At the last minute, he wondered if he should tell Adam what had really happened at the wedding, or what _'come what may'_ really meant to him, but he reasoned nothing could be gained from divulging these truths. It would only hurt Adam to know and besides, he didn't like to share intimate details of his relationship with Blaine. The heat between them had nothing to do with anyone else, it belonged to them, as did their time together and Kurt's body already screamed for more. More time. More Blaine. Even as he tired to ignore it.

_You're like an Indian summer_  
_In the middle of winter_  
_Like a hard candy  
_ _With a surprise center_

_How do I get better_  
_Once I've had the best?_  
_You said there's_  
_Tons of fish in the water  
_ _So the waters I will test_

_He kissed my lips_  
_I taste your mouth_  
_He pulled me in  
_ _I was disgusted with myself_

On his way back to the loft Kurt's phone rang in his pocket he hesitated, wondering if Adam was calling to make sure he had gotten home. He supposed these calls were meant to be sweet, to show he cared, but they had always annoyed Kurt. Like he couldn't be counted on to take care of himself. However, this time the call was from Blaine and he hastened to answer it.

"Hello," Kurt said, rather more formally than was necessary.

"Hey, sorry to bother you," Blaine's voice came through the line quickly, apparently nervous. "I just wanted to ask you a question."

Kurt hesitated, his mind racing with possibilities, and his response came out as a question, "Okay?" .

"Does Schue ever actually pick a winner when he makes the a lesson into a competition?" Blaine asked, clearly annoyed.

Kurt laughed aloud, his heart lightening at the memories that coursed through him. "No. No he doesn't. Let me guess, boys vs. girls?"

"Yep, well except for when he used us to recreate the boombox scene from _'Say Anything_ ," Blaine observed thoughtfully and Kurt barked out another laugh.

"Trying to get Ms. Pillsbury back?" Kurt asked knowingly. "Tell me he didn't sing _'Your Eyes._ "'

"Yep," Blaine confirmed with a chuckle, "and it seems to have worked."

"Well, they love each other," Kurt reasoned simply, as though this very fact settled the matter. For a moment a charged silence passed through the line as they both wondered if their love was strong enough to overcome their mistakes. It was Kurt who broke the stillness, desperately tearing his mind away from forming new fantasies about a boy who let him down. "And really, what was he thinking with the huge wedding. Ms. Pillsbury is a nervous wreck on a normal day."

"This is true," Blaine mused and they fell into easy conversation. After a few blocks Kurt became aware that, by all rights, he should be with Adam right now. He should be missing him, he should have wanted to spend every possible second of his night with the guy he was dating. He shouldn't want to be tethered to a phone with his ex boyfriend's voice melting the day away.

_'Cause when I'm with him_  
_I am thinking of you_  
_Thinking of you_  
_What you would do if_  
_You were the one_  
_Who was spending the night_  
_Oh I wish that I_  
_Was looking into your eyes  
_ _Looking into your eyes_

Kurt was unable to sleep that night, missing Blaine so much he felt his chest would collapse with the pain of it. Since their break-up, his whole perspective on the world had changed and he longed for that old innocence. He longed for the days of his past when he had Blaine by his side and his father was healthy and everything was just better. He had loved Blaine at first sight and it was a love that grew up with him, carried him through his difficult high school years and supported him when life didn't go the way he'd planned.

Then Blaine cheated and things changed, well they had to. Trust is the key to any relationship and Blaine had broken that trust. Yet Kurt still loved him with his whole heart. He knew that know and it occurred to him that if he let himself accept that fact, he might have a better chance of moving on. So as the sun started to glow through the buildings and into his window, Kurt let himself imagine a scenario where Blaine was by his side once more and everything was perfect again. He only hoped he wouldn't regret it the next morning.

_Looking into your eyes_  
_Oh won't you walk through_  
_And bust in the door_  
_And take me away_  
_Oh no more mistakes  
_ _'Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay... stay._


	23. Acceptance (415-416)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (AUTHORS NOTE: this is a conversation between Kurt and Isabelle - takes place at the end of 415 or beginning of 416 - this is much shorter than the last few... anyway, thanks for reading. Hope you enjoy)

 

* * *

**Acceptance(415)**

Since starting at NYADA last month, Kurt's time at Vogue has been sorely limited but he still makes a point to show up. He loves the office, the people and the atmosphere but mostly, the endless supply of flawless designer clothes. It has become his sanctuary in the otherwise chaotic whirlwind of New York City, locked away for hours comparing fabric samples or reading cutting edge articles before they ever see print. Something about lush, expressive fabrics makes Kurt forget his problems.

It was one of those days, shut up in his corner cube sorting through samples when Isabelle startled him.

"I wish I could get my paid staff to work as hard as you do, " she jests, leaning a hip against his desk.

Kurt smiled, shrugging as he looked up. "I like it here." He said simply and shared a small smile.

"So when are you going to fill me in on our home state?" Isabelle asks conversationally.

"Oh, the trip was... good." Kurt said, his voice betraying him. His trip home had been more complicated and yet, more enjoyable than he'd ever dreamed possible. But now, back to reality everything seemed much too simple and yet, not at all easy. "In true Midwest fashion the bride left the groom at the altar, but the reception was a success."

"You had the reception without the bride?" Isabelle asked, playfully appalled.

"Well her parents insisted, it was all paid for anyway. I guess they weren't too keen on the wedding, it's sad though." Kurt added, his mind focusing on the one thing he kept coming back too. "I always thought Mr. Schue and Ms. Pillsbury were it for each other, ya know."

"It happens."

"Ya, I suppose it does," Kurt agreed quietly, his mind on Blaine. "It was nice to visit home anyway."

"Home?"

"My Dad's doing well, everything appears to be on track with his treatments and all," Kurt offered, though his tone didn't fit his words. "Plus, my brother's back working at the garage."

"And the ex-boyfriend?" Isabelle promoted, her voice politely astute.

"uh…" Kurt stammered, blushing fiercely.

"Either you spent the entire wedding wanting to punch him in the face for looking delicious in a suit, because they always look delicious in suits or…"

"I slept with him." Kurt admitted guiltily, the color in his cheeks deepening.

Isabelle nodded knowingly, "let's go get a coffee somewhere." She offered, pushing away from the desk and moving toward the coat closet by the receptionist. They didn't talk much in the elevator but Isabelle asked Kurt about one of the articles he'd been reading when they reached the street and started around the corner to her favorite café. He had just finished gushing over the brilliance of the latest Marc Jacobs collection when they found a table.

"So…" Isabelle said, her eyebrows raised in question as she blew into the hot steam of her coffee, trying to cool the drink.

Kurt sighed, a long drawn out sound that seemed to pull all the memories of the week through his lungs till he could smell Blaine on him again. It was comforting but that only made him feel more uneasy.

"It started before the wedding, the moment I saw him really," Kurt stopped, blushing again as he replayed his own actions in his head, the sly smirk, the flirting and... "He picked us up at the airport, me and the girls I mean. Naturally he looked like a million bucks in a suit I tailored for him last year. He saw me and his face lit up like…" shaking his head, Kurt clears his throat, deciding to skirt around the details and get the point. "I just, I didn't even think about it. We nearly missed the not wedding."

Isabelle chuckled kindly over the top of her drink.

"It was just nice to be near him again and easy, I didn't expect that." Kurt added with a self-deprecating shrug. "It was so hard the last time I went to Lima. Hard to even look at him, hard to hear him sing, harder to talk to him but this time, it was easy. Singing together, dancing, talking, it was effortless to get lost in the way he looks at me, the way he held me. It was too easy to forget that I can't love him anymore."

"The fact that he made a mistake doesn't mean that you can't love him anymore." Isabelle pointed out, her voice kind.

"I wish everyone would stop calling it that," Kurt scoffed, annoyed. "He cheated on me. How can that be just a simple mistake?"

"People do stupid things when they feel desperate and alone," Isabelle offered calmly. "As your friend I would point out that it's pretty significant that he came here and told you the truth as soon as he could. He knew he'd been wrong and the only reason for him to have come here is because your relationship was important to him and he couldn't lie to you."

"Doesn't change the fact that he went to someone else," Kurt spat, nearly sloshing coffee across the table. "Which I still don't understand, what could I possibly have done that would have made him believe we were finished, that I was done with him? That his only option was to cheat on me? "

"Maybe you should ask him that?" Isabelle suggested her eyes full of compassion.

Kurt scoffed again, raking his brain for the millionth time as if some instance would suddenly occur to him, something that would explain Blaine's complete loss of faith in them. In truth, he was tired of talking about, tired of thinking about it. "I should have expected this, sex was always such a thing with him."

"Sex is always a thing," Isabelle pointed out, setting her cup on the table. "Why else would you have slept with him on Valentine's Day while you're seeing someone else?"

"It's not the same," Kurt insisted with shake of his head.

"Isn't it?" Isabelle asked, her eyebrows raised in question.

"I'm not Adam's boyfriend, we haven't promised each other anything." Kurt defended his voice slightly higher than natural, "Blaine and I made plans for our futures, together. We had a love that I thought we both wanted more than anything. But he threw all that away."

"Okay." Isabelle said in a voice that sounded final and Kurt's voice squeaked out of him, slightly higher than normal.

"Okay?"

"Well if you can't forgive him then that's the end of it," Isabelle responded resolutely before turning to a passing server for more coffee. Kurt stared into his own steaming mug as the server filled both cups and trotted away, his mind seething. Everyone kept making forgiveness out to be so simple. Blaine's so called mistake out to be so normal, like it could happen to anyone and Kurt supposed, perhaps it did. Perhaps others had been through this, perhaps every relationship has roadblocks, barriers, lessons and maybe this was just one of theirs. As much as he hated it, as much as it hurt him, he didn't feel ready to give up.

"I think I have forgiven him." Kurt admitted quietly, his head still spinning. "I know he didn't mean to hurt me. I know he loves me, probably more than anything. I know how sorry he is for what he did, but still, how could I ever trust him again?"

"By giving him another chance," Isabelle suggested but when Kurt rolled his eyes dramatically, she elaborated. "That doesn't mean getting back together with him right away, it takes time and maybe it won't work out that way for you two. But you clearly care for him deeply and you're both very young, Kurt."

"I know," Kurt agreed with a soft laugh. "He's still in high school for crying out loud! Last year we were just…" He shrugged, searching for the right words.

"Foolish kids in love?" Isabelle offered with a sweet smile, her eyes on Kurt in a way that made him want to blush and squirm.

"Yeah," Kurt agreed, pulling a long sip of coffee from his mug as Isabelle's phone rang from the tabletop. Seconds later, they were gathering their things to return to the office and Isabelle was shouting through the phone because, and Kurt quite agreed, everyone should know by now you never even consider using real fur.


End file.
